LizstarTrek - Enterprise Season 2 episodes 25-27

Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of these episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

IT’S BEEN A LOOOOONG ROOOOOAAAD

First Flight - ENT 7/10

Archer is lookin’ at some cool Dark Matter, and then gets a call from Admiral Forrest about some guy named A.G. who died climbing Mount McKinley. Archer is super bummed about it and wants to go on the Dark Matter mission by himself, some alone time, but T’Pol forces her way on. She’s just worried about him, it’s sweet. Archer tells her about him.

We get a flashback to something called the NX-Project, a warp engine. It seems like a long while ago (seven years apparently), but uh, Archer is old as hell still, even though he’s trying to act the part of a younger man. A.G. isn’t much better. Archer is called in and told that A.G, another captain, is being given the assignment to pilot Enterprise instead. A.G. is pretty boastful about it. Turns out they weren’t really ‘friends’ per se, more rivals.

The test flight goes… poorly. A.G. claims he got the job because he doesn’t play by the book, and he decides to push the engine way past where it should be while everyone is like “Uh dog, your ship is gonna collapse if you do this”. It fucking does. It explodes alongside Jupiter. Everyone assumes he dies, which like… this would be more suspensful if we didn’t know he already survived this.

Oh of COURSE Trip is here. He claims he’s working under Captain Jeffries. Eh, a little nod. They get A.G. back, and he tells off the Vulcans, of course. Oh my GOD they explain Trip’s nickname. He’s the third Charles Tucker, so he’s the triple one. Trip. They fucking Han Solo’d Trip, but like, in series. I dunno if that really counts actually.

A.G. and Archer get in a scuffle cause A.G. claims it was his father’s shitty engine that caused the problems, and not him refusing to listen to others. He’s kinda clearly in the wrong here, ESPECIALLY cause we know the engine is fine because we’re watching a show right now where the engine is letting them move at warp 5.

Archer concedes to A.G. about this for some reason, I don’t get it. Especially cause he proves through some telemetry that they can easily fix this problem, but the Vulcans want the Humans grounded. They just needed to prove it. So A.G. convinces Archer to steal the second test ship and fly it himself. He also promises Trip that he’ll put him on his ship if he gets a big one. Thanks for that, Archer. The flight works, proving the ship can fly. The Vulcans can’t dispute that. Though this stunt pisses everyone off, and they’re grounded for months. Got off SHOCKINGLY light. I think the higher ups agreed, prolly.

Anyways Archer finishes his story and we get a conclusion to the Dark Matter story, where they make the dark matter explode and light up all pretty. They name it after A.G. and move on.

The framing story is kinda poorly paced, but it was cute, I liked it. Also its nice to have actual world building for Enterprise.

Bounty - ENT 2.5/10

Holy SHIT a Tellerite. This is the first time we’re seeing them in a very, VERY long time. One episode of TOS.

A Tellerite finds Enterprise above a planet, and is super friendly. Offers to come over and show them some things he’s found about the planet. He IMMEDIATELY shoots Trip and Archer and abducts the captain.

You know what this episode where our captain is kidnapped needed? A long, sensual scene where we get T’Pol and Phlox in decon rubbing gel on each other. Holy SHIT, Berman. This is by far the most egregious decon scene we’ve seen. I knew there’d be lots of these, but was expecting more tbh. There haven’t been many lately. I know they’re supposed to stop soon but we get one last one… and worst of all? T’Pol is acting…. weird.

Meanwhile, Archer tries talking to the Tellerite about this. Apparently he’s been abducted by a bounty hunter working for the Klingons. Archer DID escape from prison, after all. The Tellerite isn’t a HUGE asshole. He’s like “Look, I’m sure you’re not a bad person, just an unlucky one. But I need the money. Sorry.”

T’Pol is getting VERY emotional. God please don’t be what I think it is.

Fucking christ on the cross, it is.

Hey, remember when Spock and Tuvok underwent pon’far on screen and started acting like sexy little kittens, trying to seduce and mewl?

I’d watch that episode actually. Hmm.

Credit where its due, T’Pol’s actor is putting everything she has into it. She’s not like Troi’s actress, where if she gets something sexist and dumb she just kinda shuts down. She’s playing the horny Sex Kitten very effectively, but it fucking sucks. At least it’s with Phlox and not Trip. Can you fucking imagine? I’d have given this a 1 and left the room. Phlox is VERY professional about all of this.

The painful thing is the Tellerite storyline is actually quite good. This Tellerite captain’s got pathos. He made a small mistake, which is only a crime to the Klingons, and his ship was impounded by the Klingons and he was lucky to escape with his life. Gee, does that sound like anyone? It’s a good story. And even when it’s clear that things aren’t going to go well, and he’s never gonna get his ship that was stolen from him back from the Klingons, if he helps Archer he’ll just be killed. And of course they only give him 2/3rds of what he was told he’d get. Of course. I know Klingons are often dickheads but wow. Before Archer is taken though, the Tellerite gives him a lockpick so he can try to escape, and then tells the Enteprise where to find Archer.

The conclusion to the T’Pol storyline is she breaks out and runs around trying to fuck anyone she can while sweating and screaming. She’s shot and knocked out. Rick Berman should be in jail.

Oh, Archer shot some people with a stolen Klingon gun. Those don’t have a stun setting. Add that to his list of Klingon Crimes. Anyways he escapes. The Tellerite tells him to be safe, and it ends.

The A plot had a great setup but not a very good payoff, and the B plot was absolutely fucking awful.

The Expanse - ENT 4/10

Apparently this episode will completely toneshift the show and setup the third season, is is supposedly VERY different. I’m ready. God, I’m ready for ANYTHING different.

Our episode starts with an unknown probe blowing up Florida. I was cheering. Then the probe hit Cuba, and I was like “NO NO, SHIT”. Meanwhile, the Klingons go “WE NEED TO STOP THAT DASTARDLY ARCHER” and send Duras after him. When Archer learns of the attack, he’s recalled back to Earth. Trip is DEVESTATED. He IS from Florida, after all. His sister might have been among the 3 million casualties. And then suddenly, the Suliban attack and Archer is suddenly kidnapped. Wow this episode is paced REALLY fast.

The Shadowy Figure is here! Remember him? He’s the Palpatine-ass mother fucker who’s a player in the Temporal Cold War, and has the Suliban working for him. He’s surely going to be important, right? Nope! This is his last appearance! :D But even though we never learn who he is, we know who he was SUPPOSED to be. Guess! It’s fucking Archer, from the future, apparently. That’s dumb, but it’s dropped so who cares.

Anyways Palpatine tells Archer that the attack was by the Xindi. They are aliens who learned that their planet will be destroyed by Earth in 400 years, so they’re trying to kill the Humans now to stop it. Archer returns home and is attacked by Duras, but he’s pushed off. Man this episode REALLY has a bad pacing problem. They’re trying to cram so much in so quickly. When he returns home, they learn where the Xindi are. The Xindi are apparently in an area called The Delphic Expanse, a giant region in the beta quadrant that is dangerous and barely explored.

The Vulcans are as awful as usual, sending some weirdo to try and declare Archer mentally unwell cause he’s talking about time travel. He lies about who he is and why he’s there to do this. Phlox is PISSED. “Where is your sense of medical ethics?!” “I’m just doing what I’m told.” YEAH DUDE THAT’S ALWAYS A GOOD EXCUSE.

Trip finds out his sister was killed in the attack, and becomes super pissy about it. I get it, but 2 seasons of Trip being the worst character, now him becoming a super angsty angry mother fucker… I don’t appreciate it.

Everyone gets to decide if they can stay on Enterprise… except for one person. T’Pol doesn’t get a choice. She WANTS to stay on board, and is kind of pissed. No one is happy to see her go. Except maybe Trip. Also everyone gets a scene about if they should stay, except for Mayweather and Hoshi. Hoshi HAD one but it was removed from the episode. Of course. Who cares about her, right??

Oh good. Trip is like “It’s a good thing she’s leaving, she’s push for noninterference, and we need to kill all of the Xindi” OKAY DUDE. YEAH, WE SHOULD KEEP HIM ON BOARD, THAT’S A GREAT FUCKING IDEA. He’s VERY Starfleet!

Enterprise is retrofitted and heads out, and is immediately attacked by Duras again. But Enterprise took a level up and easily kicks their asses.

T’Pol announces she’s resigning her commission and quitting the High Command to stay on Enterprise. Ey, first Vulcan in Starfleet? :o The Vulcans are NOT gonna like that.

You know what we need? A THIRD FIGHT WITH THE KLINGONS. Duras gets other Klingons to chase Archer with him, but they flee from the Expanse cause it’s scawy. Duras chases after him, cause I mean clearly nothing’s deterring him from this… I dunno why he’s even still here, the Klingons at teh start said “YOU HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE DURAS” and then gave him three fucking chances in this episode. Well, Archer FINALLY decides to kill Duras, blowing up his ship. Bout time.

And then they move into the Expanse, the end.

This episode’s pacing was bad. Hopefully this is not an omen of things to come.