LizstarTrek - Enterprise Season 3 episodes 13-17
Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of these episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!
IT’S BEEN A LOOOOONG ROOOOOAAAD
Proving Ground - ENT 7.5/10
SHRAN IS BACK! I know we shut down ALL plotlines that we were building in order to force this Xindi shit down our throats, but thank GOD we’re bringing back the best, actually GOOD part, of seasons 1 and 2. Shran is here!! And he’s hunting for the Pink Skins, for some reason.
God, Andorian Women are hot as fuck. Do you think there are half-human half-Andorians out there? If not, I can help.
Shran shows up and rescues Enterprise from getting its shit kicked in by an anomaly way. Everyone is grateful, but why? Shran is very clear: He’s here to help. Nothing more, nothing less. After all, they helped him multiple times. Pluuuuus, the Vulcans couldn’t even spare a SINGLE officer, she had to RESIGN in order to help. So if the Andorians help out, well, that makes them better, doesn’t it?~
It IS a morally correct thing to do but they clearly have reasons for it. The chance to formally make an ally, and seperate them from the Vulcans in one fell swoop, why not? Everyone on the Human ship is… extremely dodgy about this. Archer is in his ANGY ARCHER mode, so he’s growling at people for no fucking reason. I guess his favorite Water Polo team lost recently. But really, both sides don’t quite trust each other.
See, I love the Andorian plotline in this show. The Andorians, and Shran himself, are xenophobic, militaristic, and distrusting. They are essentially the opposite of Starfleet. But as we know via lore, they will be Earth’s first allies, and the founding members of the Federation. This makes it clear: Even when things are stacked against you, you can always find common ground and make friends to better everyone. It is VERY Star Trek, and I totally believe it was a fucking accident, cause all of the other choices in this show are absolute garbage and are not at ALL Trek. But it’s a very good thing. Please do not fuck it up.
The entire episode is little things, bit by bit, to show that they’re not so different and they can be friends. I liked the scene where Shran talks to Trip about his dead sister, and is like “I lost a brother in an earlier war with the Vulcans. We have common ground. You’re SURE you don’t want vengeance?” “No, I just want to make sure they don’t hurt anyone else.” and Shran clearly finds it admirable.
Unfortunately, things can’t be so good forever. Shran is going to use his ship to swoop in and steal the Xindi Weapon. Archer is like “Oh thats a great idea, your ship can handle the radiation better”. But its very, VERY obvious that Shran is going to JUST steal it and leave the Humans. He is NOT happy about this though. He makes a plea to his superior officer to let them ACTUALLY make allies of the Humans, but the General is like “no killing Vulcans is more important”. Ahh, the people in charge for EVERYONE is imcompetent!
Shran is very unhappy, but it works. He also had his people handicap Enterprise so they could run away… but Enterprise ALSO handicapped THEM and catch back up. No one actually trusted anyone at any point, and it was always a handshake with knives behind backs. Well that puts a damper on everything :/ But they turned the Xindi Weapon into a bomb, so that they can’t use it to kill Vulcans. It blows up, damaging the Andorians, who limp back home… but not before Shran sends a coded message with scans and details of the Xindi Weapon.
I still liked it, but that plot twist kinda felt like it ruined the themes of it.
Stratagem - ENT 3.5/10
Degra, the Xindi scientist making the superweapon, wakes up to find himself on a strange unknown ship. Archer, older and disheveled, is like “oh good you’re up, help me we’re being attacked”. They manage to escape, and Archer explains: He’s Archer, they’ve been roommates in prison for three years, and they JUST escaped. But the Insectoids did a thing, a bloodworm apparently, that makes memory go wonky.
Okay so, is this episode going to just be “We gaslight this guy”? I mean he IS building a planet killer weapon but still.
Archer takes the Bloodworm out of Degra in a scene that’s like 25 seconds of Archer carving into this dude’s arm in a very gruesome and graphic way, it is MASSIVELY uncomfortable and I’m STUNNED they showed it all on screen. Anyways through this and all the talking, ARcher manages to get Degra to trust him. aaaand then its revealed…
it’s all a simulation. They’re watching through cameras and trying to get him to hint at things so they can find out where he weapon is being built. This seems EXTREMELY elaborate, why not just… torture him or something? You CLEARLY don’t care about the ethics, Archer, so why bother??
What then proceeds is a 3 day flashback where we see Enterprise kidnapping Degra. He won’t give any info through just asking, so PHLOX OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE suggests a serum that’ll erase his recent memories so they can do this to him. Remember when Phlox was super ethical?? What the fuck were they doing with Phlox this season?
So I think it’s important to discuss Ethical Nonsense this season. Everyone on this ship has basically wanted to or DONE torture and other fucked up things. And I’m not against characters in Trek doing bad things. Remember DS9? One of the best fucking episodes of ALL TIME is about the captain deciding that he can do unethical, even evil acts, if it means saving people. But he doesn’t rope everyone into it. He JUST ropes Garak. He doesn’t go to Bashir and Bashir is like “oh hell yeah”, no, Bashir is PISSED about the fucking gel and refuses to have anything to do with it. But none of the characters here are like that, none of them will do that, because these characters aren’t here as characters with ideals and thoughts, they’re here to fit into the story that they already planned with these Xindi.
And I can’t tell you how silly this whole premise is. It’s actually the exact same thing that the Romulans did in that one episode to Riker, except in that one, they were bad guys, and this time it’s good guys. It’s LITERALLY just that episode reversed. Enterprise CONSTANTLY reuses ideas, but usually not this ineptly.
Anyways eventually Degra realizes its all fake, but not before giving them coordiantes that seem like they COULD be for the facility where the weapon is being made. Degra is like “Wow you Humans ARE ruthless just like I was told.” YEAH ARCHER, GREAT JOB MAKING TRUST YOU EVEN LESS.
They manage to trick Degra, AGAIN, to admitting that the coordinates they give are actually the right ones. They then wipe all their fucking memories, again, and plant them back on their ship, before heading to the coordinates.
This was just kinda dumb, and the moral and ethical ramifications are nuts. I can’t really say anything more than “they sure did reuse an older idea but make the bad guys the good guys because we gotta stop 9/11-2”.
Harbinger - ENT 1/10
This episode starts with Trip massaging some marine woman’s feet.
Can you believe this episode was written by Berman?? Why does everyone on this ship want to fuck Trip, he’s so extremely repellant to me, I feel myself become dryer every single time he’s on screen, I fear my nethers are going to become a new biome with NEGATIVE humidity. Anyways she kisses him because there’s some kind of radiation here that makes things melt the decision center of the brain.
No, it’s cause Berman wanted his OC to kiss a hot woman cause he can’t fucking get any.
Okay so this episode has A, B, AND C plots. The C plot is that Trip is doing meditation with this random marine girl, and T’Pol is getting jealous. Great. The B-plot is that Reed is butting heads with the head marine because he’s moving in on his territory as the security leader on the ship. GREAT. And the A plot is actually interesting shit about aliens, so it will get the least screen time.
I’m beginning to straight up hate Reed. I literally cannot think of a SINGLE scene where he’s added to it in a positive way off the top of my head. His character is two things: 1) boring, he’s a boring dude with no hobbies who just wants to do his job and 2) a fucking pissant grumpy baby who is angry that no one else is taking this seriously, and that people came to space to be peaceful and friendly. And here, that pissant baby energy is at its largest, because he keeps having a dick measuring contest with the marines.
The marines, if you remember, are here because SOMEONE should be trained in combat when we’re in dangerous territory and basically at war with the Xindi. Reed is having a dick measuring contest because HE was the dude for security here and now he has to actually work with someone else. I don’t need a dick measuring contest to know that Reed loses, because he’s a piss baby who’s MASSIVELY incompetent at his job.
Anyways, ACTUAL TREK SHIT. They find an alien with a ship with failing life support and pick him up. He appears to be in some kind of suspended animation. They revive him and he’s like “FUCK YOU PUT ME BACK ON MY SHIP YOU PIECES OF GARBAGE”. Oh, okay. He’s suffering from extremely cellular degredation and looks like he’s LITERALLY falling apart.
Are you mother fucking kidding me
Oh shit how did this get here
So the A plot is shit too. But this episode 2/3rds BAD CONCEPTS JUST AT THE START. This fucking episode is a bottle episode of Enterprise concepts I really hate. This episode was already fighting an uphill battle, but let me tell you, if something is good, and I’m predisposed to dislike it, I can get over that. I can see the good in things. I saw the good in Spock’s Fucking Brain, I can find the good in things that I don’t like.
I cannot find the good in this.
Anyways THIS happens after an extremely awkward and poorly acted scene, like the actors were internally rebelling at the idea of doing it. Then we see T’Pol’s bare ass. Which SHOULD make me happier but doesn’t. That was apparently very controversial btw. Which is funny cause I know we’ve seen lots of men asses on American TV, but we can’t have no female asses, that’d be gay.
Speaking of gay, we get more of Reed and the marine being catty and snapping at each other. If that previous scene is any indication, these two should make out now.
Anyways the alien is a Sphere Builder, they built the Spheres. You can tell from their name. His people cannot exist in our dimension without THIS happening to them, and this guy was sent into this dimension as a canary in the mine, so see if they could live in this dimension yet. He can not. When he learns they’re from Earth though, he phases through the ship for some reason, after attacking poor Phlox. He beelines to the engine and tries to blow it up.
They manage to stop him, but not before he gives a cryptic message that when the Xindi kill them all, his people will prevail. See, it’s okay because They’re Out To Get Us.
Also T’Pol shrugs off the sex she and Trip did in a really bitchy way, back to the status quo I guess.
I seriously cannot stress how terrible this was.
Doctor’s Orders - ENT 7.5/10
Everyone on the crew has been put in a deep sleep…. except for Phlox. He’s alone while everyone else is in a medically forced eep. Well, he DOES have Porthos! They’re moving through a spot in space that makes everyone’s brains die unless they shut down their brains and force themselves into comas. Also, Phlox is immune.
So yeah, it’s just Phlox for 4 days. He’s writing a message to his friends during it.
You MAY remember this as that one episode in Voyager where they did the same thing but with Seven of Nine. That was a RECENT episode too, that was the last season of Voyager, so only a few years before this!
Holy shit they gave him an Austin Powers-ass nude scene. Okay, forget all the negative shit I just said, this is worth it.
Anyways things are going smoothly only a few days in, but then there’s some clanking… spoooooky, ooooh, ship’s haunted!
JUMP SCARE, IT’S T’POL! Yes she’s actually awake too, they didn’t mention it at all. She asks the doctor if he’s okay, he explains he has a slightly headache but should be fine. He’s clearly agitated and anxious. The silence of three days is getting to him. He also says he watched the Exorcist right before this which is really funny.
There are hints something is amiss though. He keeps seeing shadows. Things aren’t exactly how they should be. And also… T’Pol isn’t actually eating. They have dinner and she doesn’t pick up her spoon once. Hmm.
Shit keeps getting worse. He sees something outside crawling on the hull. He sees a Xindi Insect inside, skulking around some sleeping crewmates. T’Pol keeps telling him there’s nothing and he should rest. He does not. He gets more and more stressed and then THIS almost happens.
This is very funny out of context.
He FINALLY realizes shit has gotten out of hand and he IS hallucinating things when he sees a mutated Hoshi telling him “YOU DID THIS TO US”. He scans himself and realizes yes, he’s hallucinating. It’ll be fine and there are only 6 hours left, but he asks T’Pol to look over everything and then he’ll put himself under. She begs him not to, and he finally relents… until 6 hours later, when they SHOULD have been out of the anomaly, they find out they won’t actually be out for ten weeks at this speed. They need to go to warp.
Phlox has no fucking clue how to turn on the warp engines. And then he gets Trip yelling at him about it. It’s funny cause none of the hallucinations have been anything like the actual people so far, except Trip is very accurate.
He manages to start up the ship and they get through with no problem.
THE T’POL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
Obvious twist but still fun.
Hatchery - ENT 2/10
While on route to the weapon, Enterprise finds a derelict Xindi vessel crashed on an planet. Why are they sending Trip on this fucking away mission, DON’T WE HAVE MARINES?
On the ship, they find the entire thing lost atmosphere, except for one part that appears to be a hatchery, with 31 eggs still intact. They made that part handle total ship failures, makes sense. One of the eggs sprays Archer with some kinda acid.
Phlox makes it clear the acid is just a simple defense mechanism, but then Archer starts being like “Okay we need to protect the eggs now, collect them so we can save them. He’s like “How would we react if we found a nursery of 31 primates? We’d save them. We should save the insectoids, even if their parents want us dead.”
Now, I know how this show works. So my guess is that he’s only doing this cause of a side effectof the acid. If that’s the case that is… bad. You need to be mind controlled to do the ethical thing? Great. Lovely.
Some of the babies die due to a fuck up, cause Trip is bad at his job. Archer is taking this hard. Everyone is acting like he’s being fucking nuts, cause he’s upset some sapient creatures just died. I mean he also clearly hasn’t showered or changed his clothes in two days, he’s slimey and gross. But the issue is he cares about sapient creatures. And it’s clear something is wrong with him, cause he’s treating these creatures with respect, but they don’t go to Phlox about relieving him, they go about it in the dumbest ways. By questioning him loudly in public. So he has T’Pol assigned to quarters.
Trip is like “Better lock me up too, cause we’re not doing the right thing here. They wouldn’t do the same for us.”
OUR ENEMY IS ONTOLOGICALLY EVIL AND IS DOING TERRORISM AGAINST US, SO WE DON’T NEED TO TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT. GOD THIS SHOW FUCKING REEKS OF 9/11 XENOPHOBIA AND I FUCKING HATE ITTTTT
The marines literally go “I’m not happy I locked her up but I have to follow all orders, even if they’re unlawful.” NO. YOU DO NOT. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.
IT’s also a problem because Archer is basically putting the Xindi Babies first and will kill his entire crew by using up all their antimatter to save them.
I’m so checked out.
They do a coup. The marines refuse to cooperate and are overwhelmed. Trip goes down and shoots Archer, who was NOT threatening but was instead petting babies and treating them nicely. Turns out yes, the acid was a neurochemical that made him reverse imprint on the babies and subconsciously feel like their caretaker. They clean out his brain and leave the babies behind and move on. The end.
Awful. I hope I don’t need to explain why.
Neli asked if we’re being unfair to Enterprise, but I don’t think so. I just think we’re Trek fans who are not moderates and are 24 years out from the absolute batshit lunacy that was the 9/11 era. It’s fundamentally just… morally reprehensible to me, and that’s not what Trek has EVER been.
This show is literally just propaganda.
And I can’t fucking stand Bush-era propaganda.