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Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of these episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

And hey, I’m back from GDQ vacation! While I was gone, we watched 10 episodes of Enterprise. So let’s get that buffer back up!

IT’S BEEN A LOOOOONG ROOOOOAAAD (literally in this case, I went up to Pittsburgh, east to NYC, north to Boston, then back down to Atlanta)

Storm Front - ENT 6/10

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I can’t believe they called this episode that. Anyways, we ended season 3 with the Aquatics randomly placing Enterprise… in the past? I think? And then Suddenly Nazis? This shit is so dumb. Archer is being transported by the most Nazi Lookin’ Nazi I’ve ever seen. How shitty does it have to feel to be typecast as a nazi?

Trip is still trying to communicate with the CLEARLY archaic planes as they shoot at them. Trip continues to be incompetent into season 4, okay. After they realize they’re in the past (I guess maybe the Aquatics are stuck in the past too?), Trip gets pissy about it. Oh good more of that. Though actually he later apologizes for randomly getting pissy, and T’Pol is like “No, you were justified”. No. Don’t justify Trip being awful.

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Why ARE dracula aliens working with the nazis anyway? I guess if you wanna destabalize the Earth, this’d be the best way to do it??

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How’d they get this modern image of the White House from 2026?

Yeah so obviously, shit isn’t going well on the war front. It’s 1944, and with the aliens’ assistance, the nazis are occupying the east coast. The US Government has basically left, and now there’s just some resistance pockets, run by the mob. Archer escapes the nazis and is kept in Brooklyn with a black woman named Allie.

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Meanwhile, Daniels wanders around on the Enterprise, covered in melty skin. Oh he don’t look good. He explains shit is bad and they have to stop it. Yeah dude, I coulda figured that out myself, nazis are on the East Coast. But yes, we need to stop this. How? Here comes help from an unlikely source.

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It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Silik! All this temporal cold war shit from the first two seasons was basically just thrown out, but it’s back now. No one trusts him obviously so he’s shot down and crashes to Earth. They assume up on Enterprise it’s his fault, while Archer is trying to find out more about these aliens helping the nazis. They manage to do a sting operation and capture one. Archer refinds his fucking morals and won’t let them torture the alien, what a surprise. The alien says that they’re stuck in the past and the nazis are building them a conduit to send them back to the future. Aight dog, whatever. Archer takes his communicator as he’s gunned down by the mobsters, who are seperated from Archer and Allie. The two of them communicate Enterprise and are teleported up.

Archer talks to Melty Daniels, who explains that the aliens’ leader is Vosk. If they kill Vosk at this point in time, the entirety of the temporal cold war will be erased. Okay, so let’s do that then, I’m good with that. Then Melty Daniels dies, his second time dying on screen. How long do you think it’ll last? Vosk captures Mayweather and Trip, and is like “You WILL tell me what I know” then he looks out over some repurposed tech.

Eh, this episode was okay? Some nazis DID die. The stakes and concept are actually okay, frankly, but the stakes don’t matter, if I don’t care about the fucking characters, and after 3 seasons, I really, really do not.

Storm Front Part 2 - Ent 6.5/10

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This episode starts with a 1940s style black and white propaganda film about Hitler arriving in NYC and being “welcomed with open arms” and it made my fucking stomach curl, and then we get the fucking carebears-ass campfire-ass “ITS BEEN A LOOOONG ROOOOAAD” song immediately after it, and it’s like being punched in the fucking sternum.

We get Vosk having an argument with the Head Nazi, getting fed up with the nazi’s… naziism, and is like “You are insignificant to us. You are garbage. We span timelines, and I could stop you from even being born if I willed it.” They DIDN’T put in what I assume came next, which was “but I’m still stuck in the past so please help me build my time machine so I can stop you from being born kthx”.

??? Okay we learn the turning point. Lenin is assassinated by the aliens, and so they never became communist, and so Germany ignored them and focused on everyone else. That is… not how that’d work, in any way? I do not expect any American to really understand the circumstances of the USSR’s formation, but christ, you’d think you’d actually look it up if you’re righting alt history fiction.

Vosk makes a peace offer. He gives back Trip and Mayweather, and is like “if you help us get to the future, we will fix your timeline. You’re being used by Fascists who try and control the timeline. Pay no mind to the literal nazis behind me, your team are the facists. Why are you looking at me that way?” Archer goes back to Enterprise, saying “Eh, I’ll think about it” but obviously won’t. Also whoops Trip is actually Silik, trying to infiltrate. They take care of him quickly.

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Silik stole the time machine schematics, but Archer is like “How were you going to send this to the future to your benefactor?” Dog, you don’t need to send it to the future, things do that by themselves. Anyways plans fall through with the nazis, obviously, Archer wasn’t even CONSIDERING considering that offer, so they team up with Silik instead. Silik has no interest in Vosk’s plan working out, so he’s down with blowing them up too. Aight cool. Enemy of my enemy.

They basically frontal assault, using the insurgents as cannonfodder. Silik helps them sneak in by Odoing through the air vents. The special effects are actually way worse than Odo, and that was like a decade earlier.

Vosk shoots the nazis and is like “alright you’ve outlived your usefuleness, bye bye”

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Silik is shot by some nazis and dies. He’s like “You were a worthy rival”. Dude, your reason for existing in this show was literally never written, you were NOT a good rival.

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We get an actually cool scene with Enterprise dogfighting some nazi planes, then they blow up Vosk as he’s about to enter the time portal. We get a scene with Daniels like “Hey good job” and Archer’s like “Fuck you dude, this plotline SUCKED, just NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN” and Daniels is like “aight”. Archer, the audience surrogate. Then the timeline fixes itself.

Look, this was literally them trying to fix the bullshit the Temporal Coldwar put them into, and it wasn’t AMAZING but it was FINE for what it was.

Home - ENT 6.5/10

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Enterprise returns home. FINALLY. I guess we can ignore the last two episodes, they’ll never be important ever again. The Enterprise crew have a lot of time to rest as everything settles after the Xindi Nonsense. There’s waves of xenophobia after everything, which might reach a head when Phlox takes a vacation to Earth. Meanwhile, T’Pol goes back to Vulcan to visit family, taking Trip with her as her…. friend.

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Meanwhile, remember that Vulcan ship they blew up with the zombies on board? Archer is basically accused of murdering everyone onboard. Archer does not take this well and basically stops right at fist fighting the ambassador, who is, as always, the fucking worst. He’s forced to take a vacation to cool his head. He goes with Captain Hernandez, an old love interest who’s getting an assignment now. Damn, girls allowed to be captains?! Wtf are they thinkin’?

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THIS is a fantastic picture. Reed, Mayweather, and Phlox are drinking in a bar, when some racist shithead tries to threaten Phlox out of the bar. Reed and Mayweather start a barfight to protect their friend, which is maybe the best thing Reed has ever done. Phlox breaks it up by scaring everyone by puffing up like a pufferfish.

There’s a LOT of family nonsense with T’Pol and her mom. Her mom was forced to retire, and is pissy about T’Pol calling off a marraige with some dude named Koss, who comes calling. He’s very pushy about this, and for some reason marriage law and customs on Vulcan are really shitty so he’s GOING to marry her even if she doesn’t want him to. Ah, this futuristic culture, Humans really are the barbaric ones.

Oh hey, we DO see the Xindi again! Just in a nightmare sequence. Huh. Archer is suffering from extreme PTSD cause of all the literal actual warcrimes he did. He wants to die. You know what’ll fix that though? Getting into a relationship. That ALWAYS FIXES EVERYTHING.

T’Pol decides to marry this guy. Trip makes it about himself. I want to throw him into the sun. I don’t care which one, point in the night sky and throw.

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T’Pol gets married, while Trip is there. Why is Koss even THAT into T’Pol? She’s kinda fucking weird. Literally, in this case. Then the episode just ends as Trip is sad that she’s not marrying him. Ugh.

Borderland - ENT 6.5/10

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The Klingons find some transport ship and capture two humans who were on it, who proceed to break free and kill every single one of the Humans on board.

And then we get a REAL sight for sore eyes.

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GOD, I MISSED YOU BRENT SPINER. This is Arik Soong, and yes, he’s gotta be an ancestor of Noonien Soong. So yeah, Brent Spiner. The seed is strong I guess. Archer comes to talk to him. The killers of those Klingons were augments, and they were embyros who were stolen by Soong 20 years ago. Now, to divert a war and find out what’s going on, they take Soong into the Borderland, where the ship was attacked. Enterprise is being sent out again already. They even use the same shots from the pilot, which is very funny to me.

We learn what Soong’s deal is when he tries to have a pleasant conversation with Phlox, who is NOT having it. Soong is super into genetic engineering, and believes that yes, just because Humans misused it in the past doesn’t mean it should be illegal forever, we can use it to better effect now! Phlox is like “No you wouldn’t. I have eyes.”

We occasionally get scenes with the Augments new Klingon ship. They’re very Animalistic, “the strongest survive and rule” kinda stuff. It’s pretty unpleasant.

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Meanwhile, the Orions FINALLY show back up into Star Trek. And how do they show up? By attacking Enterprise, and beaming some people off to sell into the slave trade. Big Show here is in charge of the slave trade. Archer goes in with Soong to try and rescue everyone, though by the time they get there, some are already sold, like T’Pol, who sold for a HIGH price.

Trip: “What kinda people are these?!” Soong: “Prolly a lot like your ancestors, judging by your accent.”

Holy shit. Anyways they buy the cheapest Human on the market and reverse engineer the shock collar so they can turn them off and cause a prison break. Cool. Holy SHIT, T’Pol gets to hit someone! She kicks Big Show right in the dick. The prison break goes off well, though Soong tries to escape in the chaos. Obviously can’t be trusted. Before he’s recaptured, he signals to the Augments. As Enterprise is being attacked by Orions, the Augments show up to “save” them. Maybe this was a bad idea, as Archer is taken captive by Humans with 5x his strength and “double their intelligence”, which is not a thing.

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Soong is freed and escapes. This was a dumb plan. But I guess Enterprise is good at Dumb Plans. Soong makes a declaration that he’s going to rescue all their brothers and sisters. Okay then.

Cold Station 12 - ENT 7/10

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The crew go to the planet Soong raised the Augments on, and find an Augment who was left behind. They TRY to talk to him, saying they’re peaceful, with their guns pointed at him. Aight y’all. Anyways he tries to attack them and Archer easily overpowers him. So much for 5x stronger? I guess that’s only important when it’s important.

Soong confronts Malik, the Augment leader, about killing his brother, a thing we saw in the previous episode. He thinks they’re like children. Malik lies about why he killed his brother. Children lie :)

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Using info from the left behind guy, who is a “mistake” who isn’t super like the others, and info Trip gains, they head towards Cold Station 12, a joint Starfleet and Denobulan station, which holds the remaining Augment embyros. Phlox is worried because his penpal, the same one from that episode a while ago, Dr. Lucas, is in charge of the facility. The Augments EASILY make it on by capturing a Denobulan ship. Dunno why the Denobulans didn’t just scan it but whatever.

Archer is like “Maybe Soong is right”. Dude. Sure, some of his ideas might have some correctness to it, but uh, that doesn’t fucking matter right now. He raised like 16 children into a cult and is starting wars willy nilly with no regard for sapient life because he believes they’re below his “children”. Who gives a fuck what he thinks?

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Not to mention the shit he’s doing to these scientists. The leader of the Augments is whispering in his ear the entire time, and convinces him first to beat the shit out of Dr. Lucas, then to torture another scientist using a deadly pathogen in front of him. Soong is NOT handling doiung this well. He tries to stop it before its too late, cause Lucas doesn’t break, but the Augments aren’t really interested in this.

I will say, this main Augment, Malik, is no Khan. He’s just a shitty bratty kid who thinks he’s better than everyone else.

Archer sneaks onboard, alongside Phlox and the “mistake” Augment, but is easily captured. God, everything they’re doing is just NOT working, is it? And Soong is just not able to control Malik at all, who releases pathogens into the station to kill everyone against his father’s wishes. Shit looks bad… can our heroes make it out?! A THREE parter! Dun dun dun!

The Augments - ENT 3.5/10

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Archer and the others manage to escape the poisonous space station, though Malik is still sure he’s dead. He says as much to his dad, who is piiiiiissed. Wow, who knew that the Augments who sent Earth into a fascist hellscape would be bad? Soong is slowly learning he’s made a mistake, but is sticking to his guns for now. He thinks he’s in charge. He’s clearly not.

Malik thinks they should hunt for Botany Bay, the ship that Khan was supposed to have been launched on. Soong is like “thats a myth its not real”. Good thing that’ll never come back to bite us.

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Once they find out that oh, Archer is NOT dead, Malik is like “okay we need to take care of them permanently. I have a plan though, father. Let’s do a false flag operation and get Starfleet at war with the Klingons :D” and Soong is understandably like “What the FUCK?” Dude, throw this fucker out the airlock, why are you STILL trying to put up with him? If you don’t wanna do that, make it clear he’s bad and put him in jail or some shit, don’t just let him go get allie-

Aaaaand mutinies, what a surprise.

Soong escapes in an escape pod. Klingon ships have escape pods?!

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Soong PLEADS with Archer to stop the Augments from causing galactic war

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Archer being a genetic determinist, I kind of hate Archer.

Malik murders the lady augment for helping Soong escape. She tries to defend herself but she’s still a Lady so of course she’s easily killed :).

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They manage to catch up and stop them from launching their bomb, and disable their ship. Malik takes this VERY poorly and blows up the ship, killing himself and all the embryos. Oh wait no he killed all his brothers and sisters and then teleported off. Oh yay his face is all burned, so that we can rememebr this is related to Khan :)

Soong is locked back up. He’s like “oh you did away with all my work?” and Archer is like “No, we put it in a secure location so maybe someday it could benefit humanity.” lol not in current canon! And then Soong goes “Maybe instead of genetics, cybernetics are the future of humanity!” WE DIDN’T NEED THAT. BRENT SPINER BEING HERE IS THE NOD TO DATA BEING MADE. HIM BEING SOONG IS THE NOD TO THAT. WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!

The Forge - ENT 8/10

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The crew plays Basketball. Turns out Phlox is fucking AMAZING as basketball, and he’s literally just standing there, catching the ball when his teammates send him the ball, and then shooting 3 pointers. Thats so funny. It’s interrupted by bad news: there’s been a bombing on Earth. The Vulcan embassy was blown up, and 12 Vulcans killed. 43 people over all. Admiral Forrest too, he saved the ambassador by covering him with his body. We did NOT make a good trade here. We traded the ONE GOOD ADMIRAL WE’VE EVER HAD for a shitty asshole.

Calling it now, the high command bombed themselves in order to justify some war with the Andorians or some nonsense. This would be the SECOND false flag operation tonight.

They believe it was either the Andorians or the Syrranites. The Syrranites are a religious cult on Vulcan who have always been peaceful but have recently become more zealous. They find a bomb, and find Vulcan DNA on it. Syrranites. Well, that’s a sign. The DNA is from a Vulcan named T’Pau… hey, T’Pau? That’s a name!

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This is T’Pau, she appears in Amok Time in TOS. Fascinating.

Oh, the ambassador is actually really, REALLY unhappy about all of this. Archer is being shoved out of this investigation, and he goes to Archer and is like “Do NOT let them shove you out. You deserve more than this. Fuck them.” FINALLY nice to see him NOT be an asshole. And all it took was someone to die for him :)

T’Pol’s mom escapes into hiding, because she is apparently a Syrranite. T’Pol and Archer go down, sneaking onto Vulcan to find the truth. They are rescued from a Selat by a guy named Arev, who claims to be here to study Surak. Archer and T’Pol go with him.

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Meanwhile, on Enterprise, they find the data implicating T’Pau is clearly false. It’s the DNA of her when she was a month old. But they need more info. They have someone who might have seen the actual cuprit, but they are in a coma. So the ambassador does the first ever mind meld with a human. It’s risky, and also mind melds are super illegal, but he’s willing to do what he needs. Using the mind meld, they find out, woah, it was actually the Vulcan High Command who did the bombing! What a FUCKING SURPRISE.

They confront the high command about this, despite knowing it’s A) illegal and B) they’re in on it. The Ambassador is hoping they not ALL in on it though. Turns out they’re in on it :)

Arev explains that the high command USED to just be about space exploration, but has taken over much more about society. So, this is actually interesting. I’ve made it NO secret I fucking hate how the Vulcans have been handled in this show. They’ve been extremely assholish for no reason, violent even. Hypocritical. I do not believe this was intended, but if this ends with “some fascists took over government because logic can be used to justify everything” and them being ousted, that’ll help.

Arev also explains Katras, and claims that his people are holding the Katra of Surak. Then, Arev is killed by a storm, but not before doing SOMETHING to Archer that makes him know some weird shit. They’re captured by Syrranites, TO BE CONTINUED.

Obviously Archer has the katra in him, but also like, why the fuck did they put the katra in HIM? And not the vulcan for whom this is culturally important? I mean he was there, I guess. But he’s just The Very Special Boy.

Awakening - ENT 7/10

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The ambassador goes in front of the High Command. Turns out Stel, the dude who did the bombing, HAS been found guilty of it… because he’s a syrranite :D Wow what a surprise. The ambassador is NOT impressed, and is not buying it. This is a good scene.

And then we get a bad scene. Archer confronts T’Pau, and is very, VERY angry about it. He’s locked up, because of course he is.

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Turns out yes, Archer was given Surak’s katra, and now Vulcan Jesus is up in his brain meats, and is like “Yo we’re stuck with each other. Time to put up with it.” The Syrranites find out about it, and are SURE he has Surak. T’Pol is like “This is dumb, there’s no such thing as Surak’s katra”. She’s really REALLY weirdly against everything the Syrranites speak for. I mean, I get it in way, it goes against everything she knew as high command person, but she’s been doubting them for THREE YEARS.

T’Pau knows a way to possibly remove the katra from Archer. It has a possibility of fucking killing him. Everyone is like “uh maybe don’t kill people I dunno how much Surak would like that” and she goes “I think I know what Surak would want :)” oh great, she’s awful too. Archer willingly goes through with it though, because alright. It’s gonna be forced upon him anyway.

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Instead of Surak going to the random murderer who wants to take over the cult, he stays with Archer. What a surprise. He tells Archer that he’s our last hope, etc etc, Very Special Boy as I said.

Meanwhile, Enterprise has been trying to find the captain and tries to sneak a shuttle down. It doesn’t work, the High Command has kept an eye on them. It’s not either get the fuck away from Vulcan, or Earth is at war. Whoopsies!

“ATTACK OUR ALLIES” “Yes sir!” Oh good they’re Just Following Orders :) Though the rest of the council is like “whhhhat the fffuck are you doing???”

Archer is now like… Mystic Archer. And I guess I like that better than Angry Archer. But I’d still have prefered T’Pol.

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Oh good we found The LEgendary Vulcan Tolberone. I bet that thing can hold a LOT of Eldrazi.

The High Command bombs the fuck out of the encampment after Enterprise gets out of scan range, which REALLY looks like massacring people after all the cameras are out of the way. Why the fuck does the high command let this one dude do this? T’Pol’s mom dies in the attack.

The ambassador tells Trip something bad. The high command is planning to do a pre-emptive strike on the Andorians, with faulty information about them creating weapons of mass destruction. Holy shit, it’s TOPICAL STUFF THAT’S NOT AWFUL???? Trip heads to Andoria to stop this.

Kir’Shara - Ent 7.5/10

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We get a scene with the High Command. The lead asshole guy, V’Las, is really pushing for a pre-emptive strike against the Andorians. The others are like “We shouldn’t do that, all our data could be falsified” “Yes but what about THIS data?? shows more data showing the Andorians are doing things “oh okay” WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DATA CAN BE FALSIFIED? These fucking idiots, this is SO accurate about how fascists take over a government. Obvious open lies.

Also Reed is like “The Vulcans are in the right to attack the Andorians” holy SHIT WHY IS THIS GUY THE WORST??? Literally the worst Trek character.

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SHRAN IS BACK! He’s their only real connection to Andoria, so it makes sense. They contact him, and tell him. He’s angry, but also believes them because A) he believes the pink skins and b) the ambassador is CLEARLY betraying his people. Why? For peace. Something Shran would prefer. Again, I love Shran. Violent, angry, xenophobic, always hoping for peace, whats good for his people. He’s great.

Hey, remember how T’Pol has a Psychic STD? T’Pau can fix it, because turns out, it’s actually an imbalance caused by unskilled melders. How do you fix it? Properly melding. I mean, if we’re following the HIV theming, she’s literally fucking the HIV out of her. Okay.

Archer is REALLY in on carrying this katra. He HAS to do this, he’s the Chosen One. Remember DS9, how for FIVE SEASONS Sisko resisted anything like this? Archer falls into it immediately. Okay dude.

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Ohhh, Shran. He kidnaps Ambassador Koval and tortures him for the “true location of the fleet”. It’s basically the torture scene between Garak and Odo. Shran is NOT happy about doing this. But not nearly as good. I don’t dislike this in concept, but he should have tipped after a bit, but it goes on for a WHILE and he still doesn’t let up. He ONLY lets up when Enterprise shoots at him, and he either has to kill the Humans, who he respects, or give up. Only THEN does he give up. Come on, man.

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Trip decides to side with the Andorians on their side during the battle. God damn. This is one of the most important things in the formation of the Federation, and it was NOT A THING ARCHER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH. It was DECIDED BY TRIP. THEY CAN’T EVEN STICK TO THEIR SPECIAL BOY.

T’Pau and Archer show up in the High Command with the Holicron and use it to tell everyone what is fucking OBVIOUS by this point, especially after V’Las had his guards almost kill his fellow council member. Why the hell did this guy have so much power? Anyways he’s shot and everything is okay.

Everything is getting better immediately! Koss divorces T’Pol, the Katra is easily removed from Archer, the High Command is dissolved, Earth stands on its own, and all is good. But then, plot twist…

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THE ROMULANS WERE BEHIND IT! That’s a good setup if I’m being honest. The only thing I didn’t super like about this triple parter is how T’Pau was a weird piece of shit and then just never got her comeuppance or admitted she was wrong. Oh and Reed and Trip, but y’know, thats implied.

Daedalus - ENT 3/10

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Enterprise is getting a visit from one Emory Erickson, the inventor of the transporter. He’s here to upgrade their transporter. He talks about all he’s had to go through as the inventor, including people being weird about the transporter. “There are even weirdos who ask if the person being made is not just a copy, and is even the same person and same soul!” lol ALL the trekkies I’ve ever met discuss this at one point.

We also learn that at some point, he lost a son, named Quinn. The weights of the past are weighing heavily on Emory. But Emory and his daughter are having a secret talk. They’re doing something sussy, though the daughgter is unhappy about doing this.

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There’s an anomaly, and someone dies violently. The daughter is like “WOW fuck this, we TOTALLY killed someone, I’m out” but the dad going “No” stops her. Alright.

Trip is getting sussy vibes. He’s smart enough (so they say) to realize that Emory is dicking him around. They also capture images of the anomaly, and it’s obvious it’s Quinn. When Archer confronts him, Emory IMMEDIATELY folds and goes “yeah no I’m not here for anything but to bring Quinn back, sorry, but can you help me please?” WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU JUST DO THIS TO BEGIN WITH, DUDE???

LMFAO Emory is like “You should hold back judgement on me until YOU’VE lost a son”, to Trip. The ONLY PERSON ON THIS CREW WHO HAS, IN FACT, LOST A SON LIVE ON THE SHOW.

Also, Emory says “oh my subspace transporter is a flawed concept and it will never work. It’s impossible to transport things at those distances, it’s not possible now and it won’t be possible in a thousand years.” YEAH, FUNNY FUCKING THING ABOUT THAT

Everyone is yelling in this fucking episode. Trip is like “maybe we shouldn’t do this before more people die, captain” and Archer screams at him about it. I do not like the idea of making Trip more likable by making Archer less likeable. Star Trek should not be a fucking Likability Slider.

The camera work in this episode is very strange, and that might be the first time I’ve mentioned camera work in a- wait no, that one shitty SNW episode with Beto doing all the camera work.

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Quinn’s pattern had destabalized too much, and he’s irretrievable without dying. They force Emory to Let Him Go, and he dies in his dads arms. It’s not as emotional as they’d hope. Welp, glad someone died for this.

T’Pol basically breaks up with Trip, telling him she needs to focus on herself and her beliefs right now, which have been shaken, what with her entire government collapsing. He goes “well at least the warp drive still needs me”. Go fuck yourself, you asshat. Stick your dick in the warp engine.