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I made this set! Return to Zork is one of my absolute favorite games of all time, one I know very very well. So I decided if anyone would make the set for it, it’d be me. There’s just one problem. There are three versions of Return to Zork I COULD make sets for, and none of them were the DOS version, the only one that’s in English. So I had three options. The Saturn version, which I futzed with but the RAM was a nightmare. The PS1 version, which was basically the same thing. Or the PC-FX.

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You might be wondering what the hell a PC-FX even is. Understandable reaction. So, the TG16/PC-Engine was the 8/16-bit era NEC home console, right? This is their next generation console. Their answer to the PS1 and the Saturn and whatnot. And it fucking booooombed. Released in 1994, it technically limped on until 1998 when it was discontinued and NEC gave up on the home console market. It had a high price, no 3D graphics chip, and limited developer support. It didn’t stand a chance moving into the 5th generation of consoles.

So why the hell did I choose this damn thing over the other two? Well, for one, this port was made by another company, and it seems like a very good port! When I played the Saturn port, I got softlocked. Me. Softlocked in RTZ. I know this game better than the developers do, how the hell could I get softlocked? This version is rock solid in its programming, and well made. Two, when the fuck else am I going to make a PCFX set, or do ANYTHING with the console? The library has 62 games, which is not a lot, and most are anime bullshit I know nothing about. At least with RTZ, even though it’s entirely in Japanese, I know the game so well I don’t need to be able to speak its language.

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So, RTZ. Zork is the venerable adventure series dating back to the freaking 1970s, on big-ass terminal computers. The series started to fade a bit moving into the era of actually having graphics, but then RTZ came out and revitalized the series a bit. This is a weird entry in the series, made by none of the same developers, and the first to not have Steve Meretzky on it at all. The last Zork game was 5 years ago. Since then, Infocom had been devoured by Activision. Actually, fun story about this, in 1991 new owner of the company Bobby Kotick was looking over Activision’s back catalogue to determine what they should focus on. His decision? Zork. Quote, “Zork on a brick would sell 100,000 copies”. Bobby Kotick at one point believed fucking ZORK was their flagship series. That’s nuts to me now.

But could they make a Zork game moving into the new decade, with none of the same developers, and have it keep the vibe and style Zork fans know and love? AND move it into the age of actually having graphics for things?

Yes, they can. The way I’d describe Zork as a series is, imagine Discworld, but it’s midwest America instead if Britain. If you know anytihng about either series, you’re going “Holy shit, it IS that”. It’s irreverent, goofy, and funny, with loose rules and story that can be melded to fit whatever it wants. Especially for this entry, which takes place at the end of the timeline, long long LONG after any of the others. I’m talking like hundreds of years. There’s an event that took place like 500 years ago in this game that’s not in any other game, The Great Diffusion. As such, this game is pretty seperated from the rest of the Zork games.

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It’s also missing some of Zork’s classic tropes and ideas in places. Instead of it being an Elven sword, it’s a Dwarven sword here, and you meet the Dwarves too, who are in no other games. There’s only one mention of Flatheads, as an offhand joke. You could basically considering this completely seperate from the rest of the series and have no problems.

But how is it as a GAME? Well, it’s a bit rough. The FMV and acting are all fun and cheesy in that early 90s way, but the puzzles are hit and miss. It’s not as bad as people claim. Some people say the game soft locks you if you fuck up the bonding plant puzzle on the first screen, but no, you can fix that. The plant will regrow back if you destroy the old, dead one. There ARE ways to screw yourself though, many ways. It’s not a kind game. There’s also many too many mazes. Despite all this, I think its a fun experience. But maybe have a guide nearby if you get stuck.

Return to Zork is very near and dear to my heart, and hopefully one day DOS will come to Retro Achievements so I can make a set for the DOS version, so people will actually fucking play it. Because as it is now, you need to either know RTZ front to back, or speak Japanese to bother with this one. Not that anyone will, cause no one cares about the poor PC-FX.