Retro Achievement Mastery 191 - Where in Hell is Carmen Santiago
Not all homebrew are winners
This is maybe one of the more interesting games I’ve ever played for this project. This is Where In Hell Is Carmen Santiago, and first we have to discuss what it is. Retro Achievements describes it as a “homebrew”, though notably, it came out in 1990. Japan has a word for games like these: Doujin. Self published games. But English really only has the term Homebrew, which is a newer term and doesn’t quite fit. It’s good enough.
This game was made by St. John M. Morrison in 1990, and that man is a MASSIVE nerd. You’ve got to be a huge dork to make an Apple II homebrew, but this guy really was a huge computer nerd. But let me first put you in the mind of a nerd paying attention to Apple II products in the late 80s.
Carmen Sandiego was a huge hit, and many jokes were made about it. I remember one I often heard: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego? Well, Mr. Morrison took that joke and decided to run with it. This is both a Carmen Sandiego game, and an ecucational game, teaching you all about Dante’s Inferno! Well, it’s not actually very educational, but that’s okay. I actually studied Dante in college and wrote my thesis on him so like, I’m at least well versed in this shit.
In Where In The Hell, you must walk through Hell and interrogate V.I.L.E members, who are souls burning in Hell for historical crimes, in order to find where Carmen Santiago lies. Hell in Dante’s model is basically a straight line, going deeper, with each layer having the souls suffer for a different sin. You can move up and down, use items you find, look around to learn more about the layer, search for items, or call a name. When you call a name, you have a list of the V.I.L.E souls, and must theorize about whether that soul will be in that layer. If you guess right, they’ll come out, and you can interrogate them and ask them for items to help you on your quest. These items are things that let you get past later obstacles, basically.
It’s not actually that educational and is a lot of trial and error. But eventually you’ll find Carmen and she gives you an item to escape. And that’s it, right? Nope! This game has a second mode, known as “Pit of the Programs”. Remember how I told you Mr. Morrison was a MASSIVE computer nerd? We’re putting that to the test.
All of the historical souls are replaced with characters that are references to popular edutainment games on the Apple II, like Stickybear or Reader Rabbit, turning into Stinkybear or Reaver Rabbit. Or, they’re referencing computer concepts, like vaporware. The map of Hell is the same, but its WAY more trial and error to try and find out where the hell anyone is and what they do. And it’s all just one big joke. It’s kind of a funny joke! One I like. But a joke.
This is a fascinating little program. It’s mostly making fun of a popular game of the time, and is… interesting, but I dunno if you need to play it? But you SHOULD know it exists.