UFO 50 Retrospective Part 50 - Cyber Owls

And now we finally reach the end. The final game, Cyber Owls, released July of 1989. The 50th game that UFOSoft released, and as far as we’re aware, the final one. Cyber Owls is the biggest and most ambitious game to date. The brainchild of Tao Nemuru’s son, Winston Nemuru, who had a GREAT idea. It’s the late 80s, and you know what’s popular? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Or things similar to that, at least. So why not make a game with its own tie in comic book, and create a MULTIMEDIA FRANCHISE?! Cyber Owls is goin’ UP UP UP, BABY, WE’RE GOIN’ PLACES!

It’s been a while since I mentioned it, but this pack is clearly inspired by a lot of sources, and one of those sources is Action 52. And alarm bells might be ringing for some of you, because this is EXACTLY what happened in Action 52. The CEO of the company was SURE that his idea of a super hero team of Cheetahs was going to take the world by storm, so the game was almost less a collection of games, and more a pilot for his Cheetahmen series. That’s what Cyber Owls stinks of. But it’s also just EXTREMELY, PAINFULLY of its time, in a way almost no other game here is. It SCREAMS TMNT. And Battletoads. And all those things from that era. It’s a team of quipping owls fighting pun-filled animal enemies. They have a favorite food, dim sum. They have a little mascot owl that acts as their mission control. It is EXTREMELY of its time. And while this kind of thing being popular might have been a reason for its creation, it’s not the only one. You see, Winston Nemuru was either dating, or was interested in, a girl at this time. And her son liked owls. That’s the actual reason this game exists. It’s a rich man’s vanity project, in an attempt to get a girl to like him.

But with ALL THAT BUILD UP, what is the game like? Cyber Owls is a multi-genre game, with what I’d describe as five games in one. You’ve got four owls, each with their own playstyles that you play twice throughout the adventure, and then a mini game you play if you game over, to try and save an owl. The plot is that the evil H.A.W.K. has a nuclear bomb, and you’ve got to find that bomb and stop them!

Your first playstyle is Octavio, the dumb muscle of the group, who knows Kung-hoo. Yes. It’s THAT kind of world. Anyways, it’s a side scrolling brawler. You can punch and kick your way through waves of enemies in a side scrolling platformer level. Think a mega man, without the gun, ESPECIALLY later on where there’s a quick man level. You can charge up a punch to let loose a powerul blast that sends you forward, often into pits. I liked this gameplay style at first but it REALLY wore on me after a while.

Next is an over the shoulder gallery shooter with Engle. Something like a Dynamite Duke. This is probably the best gameplay style, but it’s very on the nose. It’s exactly what those games are, and it’s VERY short compared to the others. Guin’s levels take like 20 minutes, this one will take you two and a half. Also at the end you find Mani-yak and Psy-cow. Because of course you do.

Next comes Huxley, who rides a hover bike and blasts away enemies on the mean Hong Kong streets. It’s like a shmup, or like the Battle Toads Turbo Tunnel with a gun. Your bike is VERY large though, so it’s a lot smaller in scope. It’s alright, prolly my second favorite style, but just okay.

Finally there’s Guin, the leader of the group. Of course a girl is the leader, this was made to impress a woman, remember? Guin is a smart hacker spy lady, and her gameplay style is shitty metal gear. This was immediately my least favorite style, and it still is. It’s… FINE, but there’s NO nuance like in Metal Gear. The guards are dumb as fucking bricks, and basically just have laser vision that you shouldn’t trip. If you leave a room and come back they INSTANTLY forget about you. And it’s just a giant fucking maze that’s really annoying to navigate and learn. And it’s so slow paced compared to the other levels, as I said, your first time, this will take your 20-30 minutes, and the next Guin level is like 30-40 minutes. All the other styles will take you at MAX 5 minutes to beat. Hope you like shitty metal gear.

The final gameplay style will only happen if you game over. You can save an owl in a turn based roguelike-esque puzzle. I hate these stages, I never understood them, and I still don’t. They aren’t explained, they’re very annoying, and not very fun. Frankly, just don’t game over. Just reset if you do.

In conclusion, Cyber Owls is a land of contrasts. 3/5ths of the game is at least okay, 1/5ths is actually GOOD, and 2/5ths is annoying and unfun. And I didn’t even mention the cherry requirement. Beat it without dying, a single time. This game drove me fucking batty. Or Owly, I guess. This was my final cherry, and it took me HOURS to do. I basically had to speedrun Cyber Owls, and I will never forgive the game for that. Something ELSE I will never forgive this game for is the implication that it helped kill the company. A beautiful company with an amazing backlog, creative and skilled developers, killed by a vanity project to get a nepo baby’s dick wet. I will never, EVER forgive Cyber Owls.

Also, you know how they stopped crediting anyone but Spinzer and the Nemurus by their actual names? Well this game finally credits someone else by name!! …The girl Winston Nemuru likes, and her son. They get mentioned in the credits. But none of the people who actually made the game. Fuck this.

4/10

Well, that’s it. That’s all the games in UFO 50.

…or is it?