LizstarTrek - DS9 Season 1

Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of this episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

We’re watching Star Trek Deep Space 9 now!!! Every other week, we’re going to be watching DS9 instead of TNG! You have no idea how excited I am~ I LOVE DS9. Let’s do this!

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Emissary - DS9 7/10

So much to go into. So much to meet.

So, we have Sisko, who was there at the battle of Wolf 359. He and his son escape, but his wife dies. And this is where my FIRST issue comes into place…

Look, I like Avery Brooks. He’s just not quite there yet. People say it gets better when he grows the beard, and compare it to Riker. Riker wasn’t 100% until he grew the beard. This is like this but a bit more. His line reads are kind of… stunted, not quite there. His expressions are off, sometimes, smiling in weird ways, and his anger is also a little… TOO much. And he’s also not extremely likable… But hopefully he’ll get there. (He will get there, and be Dad)

Anyways, Sisko is here and he meets our cast and sets up the plot. So, Bajor is a planet that was controlled by an empire called the Cardassian Empire. They colonized them, ripped all their natural resources, and left. The Alliance is here to try and help them, but most people aren’t… SUPER happy they’re here. ESPECIALLY not Kira, who’s introduction is her going “we invited the Cardassians in 60 years ago and look where that got us. You are NOT WELCOME.” For the record I fucking LOVE Kira. And damn, she hot.

The setup and concept are really strong, and carry some HEAVY themes. Colonization. Whether the Alliance is truly Good, like they are shown to be (and not in a goofy heavy way like TNG’s Conspiracy). It’s a good setup for what DS9 can be, and eventually will be.

We just gotta get there first. First, QUARK! OH MY GOD IT’S QUARK AND ODO. I LOVE THEM. Quark is leaving but Sisko (who does NOT want to be here but is trying his best), convinces him to stay through some… Rough Means. Odo agrees.

Sisko meets with the Bajoran’s Popes, the Kai. She’s rad. She shows him An Orb, which shows him his dead wife in an awkward scene, and then she explains that the Cardassians took the other eight orbs, but they need to find them and find the Celestial Temple, whatever that is. It is DESTINY! He’s Black Space Jesus! This comes off a little weird right now, I won’t lie, especially because of how stunted Avery Brooks is.

But enough religious prophecy, LET’S MEET MORE OF OUR CAST!

We have two characters! One is my favorite, Jadzia Dax, the Trans Queen herself! She’s sweet and perfect. And then there’s Julian Bashir. I hate him. He’s so unlikable. He’s very Colonialist “AHH FRONTIER SCIENCE~” and is IMMEDIATELY called out by Kira, which is great. I love how Kira is just…. speaking her mind, fuck yeah. The lady characters in TNG I’mma be real honest? They’re not…. AMAZING. They’re GOOD! And they get better but they especially start weak. Here? Jadzia and Kira are basically 100%. The men actually have more to go. Well, Bashir and Sisko absolutely do. Quark and Odo are great. And of course, O’Brien.

Anyway. speaking of character introductions, we got GUL DUKAT! What a fucking shit. I love the Cardassians, they suck ass. They’re great.

Anyways they’re off flying, trying to find this thing the Kai told them to find… and they discover THE WORMHOLE! The other major plot point of this show!

In the wormhole, they land on a place with… atmosphere! It’s idyllic to Dax, but a hellish landscape to Sisko. Some kind of… something comes and attacks Dax, teleporting her back to DS9, while Sisko interacts with God!

Sisko’s memories replay, as he talks to some… Something, as it speaks back to him from the people in his memories (his wife, Picard, his son, the Kai). It thinks he might destroy it, and he’s trying to reason for it. I’ll be real, a lot of this is… a LOT. And it’s not SUPER compelling? I zone out a lot for it. I like the concept of it enough but I just zone out. It’s kind of like a TOS thing, you could easily see this being a talk Kirk has with some white god being, but instead it’s done in a fascinating way with them talking through his memories. But again…. not 100% into WATCHING it.

Though it does get a LOT better with the wham line. The memories keep going back to the day his wife died. “I don’t want to BE HERE!” “…Then why do you exist here?” And what comes after DOES get better, as Sisko explains Humans and overcomes his fears and angers at the same time, to move forward and try to Do Good.

Anyways at the same time, Kira wants to lay claim to the wormhole. O’brien moves the station with duct tape and gumption. And then Gul Dukat FUCKS IT ALL UP by going in the wormhole and pissing off God. God hates fascists. God also hates lizards.

It all works out in the end. The Wormhole agrees to allow passage, creating the first stable wormhole, Sisko no longer Exists Here, and the Cardassians piss off. All in all this episode does it’s best to set up the series, and it’s one of the better season starts… MAYBE? Avery Brooks’ weaker performance is a bit offputting since this is absolutely a Sisko episode. But all of the surrounding stuff is actually pretty strong.

Past Prologue - DS9 8/10

THE BOY IS HERE! TIME FOR SOME GAY TENSION!! Apparently Garak was supposed to be a one shot? Good fucking thing they decided other than that, cause Plain Simple Garak is PERFECT. And it allows Bashir to have a good scene! :D

Anyways, TIME FOR A KIRA EPISODE! A Bajoran scout ship is running from some Cardassians, and they beam the pilot on board as it’s about to explode, saving him. Turns out he’s an old friend of Kira’s, called Tahna!!! He’s a Kohn-Ma, whatever that is. Apparently they’re a terrorist cell? That makes me worried. This series is usually kinda bad with terrorist plot points. Sisko is unhappy about the idea, cause y’know, the Kohn-Ma have assassinated ANYONE they disagree with, including Bajorans. Kira, meanwhile, has sympathies, and thinks they should be reintegrated into the fold.

Tahna, for what it’s worth, says he’s done. At least he says that to SISKO. He feels duplicitous, immediately. He feels like Kira, but a little… less understanding, willing to talk. More willing to stabby stab instead of listening? It’s uncomfortable. Also he’s a Racial Nationalist which is GROSS. Anyways Sisko DOES give him asylum, cause tbf a Federation officer giving over a Bajoran to the Cardassian Empire would be a disgusting political faux pa, but he’s really just passing it down the line. Good political discourse and concepts here.

Anyways The Duras Sisters are here! They’re from TNG season 4, and no one is happy to see them here. Least of all Tahna, who is paying them for… SOMETHING. Fun set up >w> Our little terrorist boy is in Trouble!

DIE MAD :D. Garak is good in this episode as he… GENTLY points out all the Illegal Stuff happening to Bashir. Bashir is VERY bad at being a spy.

Anyways yeah obvious Tahna is a shithead who’s still a terrorist. Kira is split between two worlds. The terrorists of course are like “if you’re not with us YOU’RE AGAINST OUR PEOPLE.” Again, xenophobic Racial Supremacy stuff. It’s clearly shown as bad, but you get Kira’s outlook. I think it’s done better than it could have been for sure. And I love Odo being the neutral party. You know no matter what, he does what’s fair and right.

In the end, Bashir learns of the bomb they’re building cause of his swaggy new suit, and Kira agrees to be a double agent. But it’s all for naught, as Tahna set us up the bomb, and intends to blow up the wormhole! We get some fun Kira fight scenes in the wormhole, which makes up for her getting slapped earlier by Tahna.

In the end, this is a pretty good episode. Good character moments, good drama. It’s good they had this episode now. Kira and the politics of Bajor are important, and it’s good they got the Kira the Former Terrorist thing out there just right away, cause it’s such an important plot point that could be VERY bad in hindsight if they didn’t get that clear. Also of course, Garak is perfect. Over all, good episode.

A Man Alone - DS9 8/10

This episode starts with Bashir being creepy and hitting on Dax. Eventually they’ll get the hint and stop trying to force Bashir to be horny and not forcing him to be het. But he’s very horny, and it’s nice to see Dax trying REALLY HARD to put him down easy.

This episode starts by setting its themes very clearly. It’s about relationships. O’Brien and Keiko are having troubles. Dax and Sisko are being kinda awkward cause Dax suddenly has tits. And then suddenly it turns into an episode building up Odo and that’s good that’s what we need.

This is a great scene setting up Quark and Odo’s bromance. “You’ve never…. COUPLED?” “Coupling is about compromise. You like jazz, she likes Klingon Opera. You compromise. So you listen to Klingon Opera.” It’s a little cishet “someone take my wife please”, but it builds up Odo a lot.

Speaking of building up Odo… “laws change, but justice stays the same. I will do what’s right regardless of what you tell me is right, I am the judge on this station” is quite a setup, especially since it puts him EXTREMELY at odds with Sisko (who is still acting weird).

I’m going to try and ignore all the terrible Bashir Cannot Take A Hint bullhit. She’s like “trill aren’t into romance. Sometimes yes we have the urge but we try to rise above that, it’s hard for us to romance younger races” and he LITERALLY goes “SO YOU’RE SAYING THERE’S A CHANGE?” Fuck off Bashir. Come back in later seasons pls. Or be replaced by Polaski, who deserves a second chance.

Anyways let’s go back to interesting Odo shit. There’s this Bajoran, Ibudan, who did a murder and so Odo doesn’t want him around. It was a murder on a CADASSIAN though so who cares. Odo still doesn’t want him around cause yeah. So after the argument, Ibudan gets murdered. And woah, things are pointing to it being Odo who killed him! WHAT A SURPRISE!

Hot take, Bashir is not bad at all when he’s just… being a doctor. Doing doctor techno babble things.

GOD they really did start off Odo and Quark in the best way. There’s a bit of a mob growing that is NOT happy that Odo is still around even when he was working for the Cardassians. And then Quark butts in like “Look, he’s a fucking dickhead and I HATE him. But he’s no Cardassian collaborator. I stand by him.”

Small nice thing, I like what they do with Keiko. She works well as a school teacher. It’s a small thing about this episode but it’s still good, sets the scene of the series.

Also another good thing about this episode? All the Bajorans on the Prominade are getting grumpy that Odo is around…. and Kira is his #1 defendant. She KNOWS he’s innocent and is very angry when Odo is relieved by Sisko of his job. She’s a Bajoran, and she’s VERY anti Cardassian. And he was WITH the Cardassians. But she trusts him 100%. That’s great.

I’m stunned Dax is as good as she is considering all the trans energy. It’s still VERY 90s. “When Dax was Curzon he and I used to bang bitches left and right! Guess we’re not doing that any time soon, huh?” Yeah there’s no way she’s still be into woman NoW ThAt ShEs A gIrL.

Uh oh, the mob is forming! And they’re here to mock and attack Odo! The Mob Rules! At least Kira gets to kick a dude in the nuts. She looks SO happy. At the same time, Dax and Bashir are close to figuring out what Ibudan was up to before his death, he was growing A Pile Of Meat! Turns out it’s a clone, which Ibudan killed to frame Odo and get himself free! And this brings us a GOOD quote!

Of course none of the mob apologizes. Odo doesn’t seem to care. That’s not important to him.

Over all, good episode. Some issues, a little imbalanced. That theme I noticed earlier? Not really fitting actually, at all. But it has some great moments.

Babel - DS9 9.5/10

This episode starts with O’Brien trying to stop the fucking station from falling apart and working miracles, while getting no thanks. At least DS9 knows how underappreciated O’Brien is. Poor boy is overworked. While fixing the replicators, some kinda bomb lookin’ thing activates, oh no!

Anyways, Quark’s bar is in dire straights cause of his broken replicator. Don’t worry he does a great scene where he fucking hacks DS9 and uses it to copy the fixes on a particular replicator. All while O’Brien starts having a fully awake stroke. His brain is fully awake, he’s fine, but he can NOT speak right. He’s Aphasic, he just speaks gibberish. It’s kinda funny to see O’Brien rambling madness in a grumpy Irish way.

And then Dax gets it. Ruh roh! WE know what happened, she got invited to Quark’s. But this sudden disease spreading is SCARY. Though of course Quark ignored any quarantine. He LITERALLY goes “I’m an essential worker~”. THIS FUCKING EPISODE PREDICTED WHAT COVID WAS LIKE. CHRIST.

Eventually Odo realizes what’s happening. Quark actually didn’t fix his replicator, he was sneaking in and using a replicator from the command level! I will never get tired of Odo turning into things and sneaking around on people.

The virus eventually mutates to be airborne, and EVERYONE is getting sick. Like Jake, oh no! Anyways they find the bomb, which implanted the virus. It’s a Bajoran terrorist plot from 18 years ago :o But if it was a Bajoran Terrorist, Kira can handle it! Or at least knows SOME people who know!

This episode is ANXIETY INDUCING, but in a good way! It’s a GREAT scary episode as this disease spreads. And then it starts KILLING them. O’Brien is dead in 12 hours. I can’t believe they’re ALREADY killing off O’Brien. Not even DS9 respects O’Brien.

Quark and Odo are still okay! And Quark is being kinda depressed alone in his bar alone. And he’s SO lonely he’s willing to teach Odo how to play Dabo! Odo obviously is having none of it.

They find their scientist who helped make the virus, but he obviously wants nothing to do with em. Kira is like “nope, going to talk to him in person” “I can’t let you break quarantine!!” “Oh I won’t, I’m not stepping foot on Bajor.” She literally kidnaps the doctor. I love Kira.

Uh oh. As if a virus isn’t scary enough, someone is trying to LEAVE, and even though they can’t break from the anchor links, he’s going to try anyway. It’s REALLY tense, as his ship stars to break apart and threaten to break down the fucking station. And then Sisko gets sick. Odo is like “OH MY GOD IS ANYONE STILL ALIVE CAUSE WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE” and then the big damn hero arrives.

Quark becomes the highest ranking official on the station and we are ALL fucked.

Anyways, it all works out! Odo makes it JUST in time, Odo and Quark were the ONLY two who could fix it. With Bashir’s notes, the kidnapped doctor makes a cure, and it all works out! This episode was good and tense! Maybe the pacing is SLIGHTLY off but it was a LOT of fun =w= Not quite 10/10 levels, it’s not quite… powerful enough for that. But it’s a lot of fun.

Captive Pursuit - DS9 8/10

Our episode starts with Quark sexually harassing women cause it’s in their work contract. Lovely. Anyway, ignoring that (Let’s just ignore all the bad parts of the Ferengi pls), an alien comes through the wormhole! Our first Gamma Quadrant alien race comes through :D His ship is almost asploding but O’Brien helps him out, good guy O’Brien.

O’Brien gets to his ship to help out, and the new alien friend is hiding through some cloakin’. Turns out he’s Tosk. Hi Tosk.

I remember this episode being weird and giving weird feelings.

Tosk seems kinda flighty, a little anxious. But not aggressive or bad in any way. But way less friendly than O’Brien, who is a chatty guy who’s good at making friends! Tosk is very curious though, he’s a little awkward but wants to know more!

Oh he specifically wants to know so he can knows where the weapons are whoopsies.

Tosk and O’Brien, or “Oh Brian” as Tosk says, have good chemistry. O’Brien LITERALLY calls him “the best straight man I’ve seen in ages”. Anyways, Tosk is clearly hiding something. He’s “living the greatest adventure one can live”, but can’t and won’t talk about it. O’Brien is worried, but likes him.

ODO IS HIDING AS A PAINTING, TAKE A DRINK!

Tosk is found out trying to steal weapons and when Odo stops him he’s genuinely confused. He’s not hurting no one. He just needs to prepare??? He takes offense to them claiming he needs the weapons to escape a crime. He’d NEVER do crimes! He is TOSK! It’s all really interesting. He BEGS O’Brien to let him out, to let him “die with honor”. O’Brien doesn’t feel right about this…

Anyways some Dr. Who villains are here to abduct Tosk. They break into DS9 VERY easily, blow open the brig, and get to Tosk. Odo tries his best to stop them but he refuses to use guns, which is cool. Anyways we find out What’s Going On. Tosk was meant to be hunted. He’s a toy. And him being captured and so easily found by his hunters is HUMILIATING, a DISAPPOINTMENT. He has failed in his noble mission of creating a fun bloodsport.

He was BRED for the hunt. Made sentient to be hunted. To make it as exciting as possible. This is a VERY interesting thing? Tosk wants to be hunted. They HONOR hunt. The hunters HONOR the Tosk, they are all proud of their roles in their cultures. Sisko finds it abhorant. And it’s VERY weird like. Obviously they’re making sentient creatures and grooming them to like being hunted. That’s fucked? But I dunno. Sisko can’t actually interfere unless Tosk asks for asylum tho.

Tosk literally cannot. It goes against everything he believes. He is TOSK. He lives to outlive hunters another day. Ignoring the moral ramifcations of this episode (it’s not REALLY what it’s about), it’s very interesting, as O’Brien is conflicted. He likes this guy. He’s friends with Tosk. He wants to help, but he also doesn’t want him to DIE! After a great scene with Quark (Quark is the anti-guinan, he’s so good),

O’Brien sneaks his way into escorting Tosk and his hunter out. He literally breaks the law (though Sisko seems to agree it’s the right thing to do and tells Odo to take his time in capturing O’Brien), punches out the hunter in a SICK attack, and fights his way with Tosk across the promenade. The hunt. is back on. The escape scene is really tense and fun, with Tosk saving O’Brien and respecting him so much for helping him out.

Somehow SO touching.

If you ignore the moral fuckiness of this episode, it’s real good? GREAT character moments, exciting, funny, also touching? Real good makeup, too. It KINDA makes the morality and other things obvious with the weird comments on the prime directive but it’s still lots of fun, I liked it.

Q-Less - DS9 5/10

Bashir is trying really hard to be a suave horny guy, but he’s bad at it. I THINK he’s supposed to be? He wants to be Riker. He is not Riker.

Anyways, it’s THE Q EPISODE! The only Q episode, as apparently they realized Q just straight up does not work here as compared with TNG.

And we also bring back Vash! Vash was the lady who fucked Picard. Apparently later on she meets Q in a later TNG episode we haven’t gotten to yet, no worries tho, you don’t need to see that episode for this.

Vash is an Archaeologist who somehow found her way into the Gamma Quadrant and was exploring for two years. She never expected to reach Humanity again. She immediately puts a bunch of fancy shit into a safety deposit box, including some weird glowing rock that I’m sure will not be important later.

The ship she came in on was all out of energy, its batteries were drained dry. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on already. Especially when after a few hours power is draining from DS9 as well.

He’s back! He’s been hanging with her for two years and she’s SICK of it! She wants nothing to do with Q but he keeps trying to push her to go with him. She just… wants her old life back. Y’know, her life of stealing and selling artifacts for profit. Thankfully, Quark is here to help! He’ll throw her an auction! All he needs is 50/50.

So she gives him a Ferengi handjob.

Anyways Q is entertaining as he usually is, but also an asshole, as he usually is. Bashir gets a date with Vash and Q, the jealous dickhead he is, and Q basically forces Bashir to fuck off. The one good thing Q ever does. Anyways, O’Brien recognizes Q and warns Sisko that all these outages might be one of Q’s jokes.

Sisko is not laughing.

Q misses Picard. Sisko is not going to play his games with witty comments. Sisko is basically constantly going “fuck off”.

Sisko immediately beats the shit out of Q. “Picard never hit me???” “I’m not Picard.” This is THE scene that people use to show that Sisko and Picard are different people. Is this a good thing? Depends on your opinion. Q seems to think it’s a good thing. Makes Sisko easier to provoke.

ODO WAS THE WINE BOTTLE THAT QUARK DRANK OUT OF, TAKE A DRINK, ALSO TAKE A DRINK BECAUSE QUARK KISSED ODO

Anyways Q basically threatens to kill Vash if she doesn’t continue to date him and it’s uncomfortable and gross as fuck. I miss Quark kissing Odo already. I do NOT like Abusive Boyfriend Q.

Anyways shit is still hitting the fan and the problems are for some reason causing them to fall into the wormhole. Q of course is not going to help. He’s never seen a space station torn apart by a wormhole before :D That’d be so cool to see!

Quark is selling the weird glowing egg that prolly isn’t important and they literally show up and just fucking yoink it and throw ito ut of the station. Sorry Quark, no million bars of gold pressed latinum for you. The egg turns into a pretty Space Ray tho

The episode kinda just ends. Q finally accepts Vash leaving. He’s going to miss seeing the wonder through Vash’s eyes. This episode is…. fine. But Q made me kinda uncomfy. It’s not that Q doesn’t work in DS9, it’s that he wasn’t written at his best. TBF, Q agrees with me.

“John de Lancie has expressed some disappointment with this episode, and agrees with the fans who felt that Q is acting out of character. According to de Lancie, “Q is best used when he deals with large philosophical issues. And skirt-chasing just isn’t one of them.””

If it was just Quark and Vash, it would have been fun. But it doesn’t quite build up anything great with the other characters, Q is mostly just a negative drain on the episode. Even the only other character Q really interracts with, Sisko, it doesn’t do enough to make it worth it. Sisko’s immediate punch is kinda fun.

THOUGHTS

DS9 is IMMEDIATELY off to a better start than TNG ever was. It’s not perfect. But like 80% of its bones are here. The best part of Trek is always the character, and most of the character is perfect here. I’m super excited for more~

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Dax - DS9 6/10

Why does every other episode of DS9 start with Bashir trying to worm his way into Dax’s pants??? And he offers to escort her and she’s like “omg when will you realize I’m gay and not into chasers, no I am GOOD. Do NOT follow me” and he follows her anyway which is really fucking gross but technically it’s a good thing cause he witnesses her being kidnapped. At least he tried to throw a punch and fucking fails so hard he falls down WITH the dude he punches. Julian is useless lol. Well, if Bashir was competent I guess this episode wouldn’t have a plot.

Dax is kidnapped! The kidnappers are super spies know the station better than our heroes do and hack their way through everything. I think this is the second or third time aliens have shown up on DS9 and no one’s been able to do anything about them. I’m going to assume this is something that comes up a lot. Anyways, they EVENTUALLY get the aliens in a tractor beam, when they reveal “oh here, here’s a warrant for the arrest of Dax. You’ll show our treaties show we are given the right to take her.” THEN WHY DID YOU GO THROUGH ALL THIS HASSLE? WITH THE HACKING AND SHIT? It’s unnecessary just to be exciting.

There’s lots of drama here about Dax. So, Dax is a Trill. Trill are a people, but there are ALSO these worms called Symbionts who bond with a Trill to stay alive. The Trill is both of these individuals, the worm and the Trill. So a Trill who gets a symbiont form another Trill becomes both a new person, and the old person. Anyways that’s all important because Dax’s previous Trill apparently did treason and murder and Jadzia refuses to talk about any of it.

Oh okay turns out they DO have a reason for the kidnapping. They were worried the Bajorans would refuse the extradition, cause they are NOT Federation. Anyways the Bajorans refuse the extradition, and it turns into A JUDICIAL EPISODE! I think this episode is trying to do a bit of a Measure Of A Man. Sisko is trying to argue that Dax is not the same person, which isn’t QUITE as emotional as determining if she IS a person. But it’s still an interesting idea and argument. Though ngl, TNG waited till season 2 to do their courtroom episode. This was early in season 1. We might have needed more time to really build our rapport with these characters.

Sisko plays the part of the lawyer defending Dax, while the others are trying to gather information, both on legal standards, and on the case. Odo goes to the planet himself to gather evidence, going “this case has 30 years of dust on it” which he takes as a CHALLENGE. He talks to the wife of the murdered, who’s like “uh it’s not Dax, my son is just REALLY adamant about this. Dax and my husband were besties! :D”

You know what’s REALLY funny is I KIND of agree with Tandro at the start, at least. Y’know, until the misgendering happens. I really cannot get past Dax being a Transgender Allegory. A messy one, but one nonetheless. Anyways the judge for this trial is very, very funny. She walks in and goes “Look I’m a 100 year old batty woman, I want to get home for my shows, and I don’t have time for bullshit so let’s keep this informal”.

BASHIR IS DEFENDING DAX BY TALKING ABOUT HER BRAINWAVES AND CANNOT HELP BUT MAKE IT HORNY. AND THEN HE FUCKS UP AND FAILS ANYWAY AND JUST MAKES HER CASE WORSE. GOD DAMMIT BASHIR.

In fact, NO ONE is good at defending Dax. They’re relying on emotion, and liking and being friends with Dax. And not even Jadzia, but Curzon Dax. The other guy is talking about science and law, and everyone is like “BUT WE LIKE HER >:(“ which… doesn’t help.

Anyways, it turns out Dax had an affair with the person who was murdered’s wife. And this is why Dax refuses to speak up, to protect the wife. Which… I GUESS is fine. I dunno the payoff isn’t super exciting or fun, ngl. But suicide for this? It’s…. not quite enough, IMO. And it’s all ended just as soon as the wife comes in like “Yeah no he couldn’t have done the murder, cause at the same time he was dick deep in me.”

This episode is just kind of okay, which is a shame. I want more from my Dax episodes. And for an episode about Dax, there was shockingly little Dax.

The Passenger - DS9 6/10

WHY IS EVERY EPISODE STARTING WITH BASHIR BEING A DICKHEAD. At least he’s not climbing into Dax’s pants this time, instead he’s like “God has given me a gift to be the best doctor ever gosh I’m so happy you’re in my presence right now~” He’s SO unlikable it’s impressive.

Anyways Kira and Bashir beam onto a ship to save the people on the ship. It’s a lady and her prisoner. The lady is like “oh god no don’t go in there, he’s dangerous!” but HE’S DYING AND BASHIR HAS TO DO A SAVE! He bursts on in, and the prisoner is dying as he says “MAKE. ME. LIVE” before dying.

It makes all of us in chat burst out laughing, which I don’t think is the response they wanted.

The Space Cop who survived has been hunting this prisoner for 20 years, and is VERY VERY paranoid. This guy has apparently faked his death before, and she wants to be VERY thorough. She’s basically set up as the Zenegata to this guy’s Lupin III

Odo: “You’re deluded” Quark: “Delusions are good. I sell them upstairs.”

God these two need to fuck already.

Oh hey, our B Plot! There’s some stuffy security asshole angry at Odo and thinking he’s not doing a good enough job. He thinks only HE could be good enough at this job. I guess he’s training to be a Star Trek Admiral. Sisko basically is like “uh no. I’m not putting up with this shit, Odo is very good at his job” which, good on Sisko at least.

Oh no, shit starts happening and it’s the Dead Prisoner’s calling card! He did the SAME thing on Rigel 7! Which… is the planet that was mentioned in the pilot episode of TOS. That’s a WEIRD call back. Everyone is trying to figure out how he could have survived. Dax looks through his files, and found he was working on a way to bounce his brain to someone else. Thank GOD they immediately go “oh it has to be Kajada”, aka Zenegata. Though it IS weird that they don’t tell her at all. They’re like “it’s weird cause she’s trying so hard to convince us this prisoner is alive”.

Maybe they’re red herringing her, and it’s actually Bashir? If they do, it’ll be impressively done I think.

Quark is implicated in this. He has some mercenaries who are helping this prisoner get a shipment of Deridium. Kajada is sneaking around trying to figure out what he’s up to and is “shoved”, falling and almost dying, just as Dax figures out that the prisoner inserted his brain into someone through a little injector in the fingernails.

There’s actually a good moment here. It ALMOST tried to red-herring us AGAIN onto the security lieutenant, who turns out to be a hero who saves the day, because he “took a note from Odo”, basically trying to think like how Odo thinks, as he now respects Odo greatly. That’s cute.

There’s a serious problem with security when you can just take off your tracking button and no one can find you. This is the second time in two episodes. I guess the alternative would be like, injecting tracking shit into the blood, which is squicky. But I dunno lol

Bashir trying to be evil is… not great. It’s like when Tobey Macguire tried to be evil in Spiderman 3. He’s talking all slow and…. trying SO hard. He’s VERY VERY bad at it. Evil means over enunciating your Os?

DS9 has way WAY more “bounce the proton particle beam off the main deflector dish” solutions to episodes problems than ANYTHING in TNG. They send some ionized fluxed waves through the tractor beam which makes him Bashir for long enough to have him lower the shields.

Once he gets back, he gives a weird line read of “It’s okay! It’s… meeee-“

And Sisko doesn’t even fucking hesitate. This image makes this episode worth it. Remember how this episode started with him saying how brilliant he is? Good payoff. “I feel… humilated” GOOD. THEN THIS EPISODE WAS WORTH IT.

Move Along Home - DS9 7.5/10

I do not remember this episode. I remember that it’s considered one of the worst episodes in the series, and I know NO plot points. But what I do know, is I have an emotional memory reaction to that guy in that image up there. I want to punch him, just seeing him makes me angry. So we’ll see what I think by the end.

They’re meeting a delegation from the Gama Quadrant! It’s a very serious moment, and they have their dress uniforms on! Well except Bashir, who seems to have lost his. Well, Bashir, it looks like YOU should go to the local tailor and get some new digs~

Or just fucking REPLICATE IT? YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE.

This guy is the leader of the aliens. He shows up, and goes “I hear you all have games. Take me to the games.”

Me any time I went over to an extended family member’s house when I was a kid.

This alien is here to gamble at Quark’s! And Quark is like “Okay, what are you going to wager? :D” and the alien brings out fucking chopsticks which is very funny to me. Anyways I have no idea how Dabo is played, but it seems that it’s just rolling a roulette wheel and maybe you’ll win maybe you’ll lose. That doesn’t seem very fun?? And somehow they’re KILLER at it, they keep winning?! Quark even tries to cheat to fuck em over and it doesn’t work.

Quark gets angry at the aliens and claims they’re cheating, and they basically walk up on him snapping like they’re from fucking West Side Story all up on Quark, and are VERY angry at him over… I dunno, being mad they’re winning him out of house and home? So they force him to play some other game, called Chula. Which is kinda like going to a casino, making bank, and then when they try to kick you out for cheating, you pull out D&D. At least we got that great quote for it though.

Sisko wakes up and finds himself in some maze. He also finds the others there. They’re all reacting in different ways which is fun. Sisko is annoyed. Kira is PISSED and freaking out, it’s NOT what she signed up for, and this is NOT the Enterprise. Dax is fascinated and wants to study it. Bashir is screaming for no reason. I might honestly be like Bashir here, which is not something I’d expect to say.

They also get mocked by the alien who tells them to move along home, which like, okay.

Oh fuck this guy is still here??? It’s the security officer from the previous episode?! Well, O’Brien was making a movie at this point IRL, so he’s “back on Earth”, and I guess they have to replace him with this guy. He’s NOTHING like he was in the previous episode, now being flippant and not caring about security at ALL. This pisses off Odo cause whoops ALL OF THE SENIOR OFFICERS HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED, THAT’S REALLY BAD?

Quark: “You haven’t even told me the rules yet!!!” Falow: “You are required to learn the rules as you play.”

Ahhh I’ve played with people like this before. Now I know why I wanted to punch this guy in the face.

Our heroes are shepherded into some room, where they have to figure out a puzzle by following some weird NPC girl who’s doing hopscotch. They have to do hopscotch. This episode is the Jumanji episode. It’s the D&D episode of Yu-Gi-Oh.

OMG okay THIS IS REALLY GOOD? So Quark is starting to get the game, and he makes money from it. He can play more risky, his pieces might die, and if he loses all of them, he will lose ALL his winnings, but double the peril double the winnings. He’s excited, and down for it, but Odo comes in and tells him four are missing… And Quark gets it. Quarks figures it out. And his reaction is honestly AMAZING?

Masterful acting, and character building for Quark? He has the chance to get money, but he could KILL people. They’re not his FRIENDS, not even his coworkers, he’s just a civilian. Ferengi laws basically say he HAS to gain as much as he can, who cares if people die? But he DOES. He’s HORRIFIED, and IMMEDIATELY takes the easier, safer path. Cause holy shit???

And ANOTHER good character moment? “Odo wait, you can’t break into this ship!” “Oh no, i-i-is it Star Fleet Policy to not do that?” “Well, y-“ “WELL I’M NOT IN STARFLEET.”

Fucking LOVE Odo and Quark. Part of knowing the rules is knowing when to break em. And while Quark IS a good guy deep down, as he gets better and better luck and gets further in, he gets… TEMPTED. They’re come THIS far, right? Which is ALSO very Quark, I get it. And he’s ALSO a capitalist, he knows when to make risks! Trust a gambler!

This is great character building.

Quark gets some bad rolls, and Bashir dies. Oh no. How horrible. Oh now Quark has choose someone to sacrifice, which he can NOT do. He BREAKS DOWN, as the guy basically SCREAMS at him to KILL ONE OF THEM, or THEY WILL JUST ALL DIE. It’s REALLY GOOD? He BREAKS DOWN, SOBBING, begging PLEASE. DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS. The Game Master is like “Okay, fiiiine….”

“We’ll just kill one at random.”

What a fucking asshole, I love it. You HATE this guy, like yes he’s I guess teaching Quark a lesson about cheating but jfc. He’s bringing random innocents into it, in a space that is NOT his.

In the end, they are SUPPOSED to leave Dax behind. She’s injured, and the walls are collapsing. But Sisko and Kira REFUSE to. “You’re going to have to leave me. I’d leave you behind.” “Well good thing I’m not the one injured them” picks her up and helps her out. Good character moments. And then Kira refuses to go too, and is like “FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT, COURT MARSHALL ME.”

Oh no they all died, but it’s okay! They were never in ANY REAL danger~ Come on! It’s just a GAME :D Basically they were dragged into a D&D game, with Quark commanding them and them having to act it out. Everyone is PISSED as it. There’s no GREAT payoff tbh? They don’t kick them off the station, the gamers just kinda leave. It’s a little flat? It undermines the entire episode that they were never in danger, and there’s no payoff. And it undermines some good moments too, but over all this episode was way more enjoyable than I expected, especially the Quark moment. I expected WAY worse, everyone was telling me how much this sucks. It’s not a low point, at worst it’s FINE.

The Nagus - DS9 9/10

This episode starts with Sisko offering to take Jake on a vacation to Bajor for a festival and to see the Fire Caverns! The Fire Caverns will never come up again I’m sure.

It’s a Quark episode! It’s also our first REAL Nog moment. We get some Nog earlier where he’s not himself, he’s much more himself now.

THE NAGUS IS HERE! LOOK AT THE FUCKIN’ MAKEUP JOB! Impressive! He’s the ruler of the Ferengi, essentially, and he’s a rich old fuck. He came to masturbate in Quark’s holosuite, and Quark is like “here are my five favorites, choose any”. Oh no, you misunderstand. He will masturbate to all five.

At once, I assume.

Bad picture quality, but I loved this line. Vulcans ate my homework. Also, there’s a Horta on the board back there! Cool! :D It’s nice to see O’Brien. Nog basically makes Jake lie so that he doesn’t get in trouble. O’Brien lets it slide, but to Sisko he’s weirdly racist. “Nog’s a bad influence”. Pff. God bless Sisko for being like “I’m not going to try to break up Nog and Jake. I’d probably lose. He’s 14, I’m on thin enough ice as it is.”

I love the Nagus. He’s got a very squeaky voice and he’s VERY fun. Quark is TERRIFIED of him, cause like, he’s probably here to buy the bar and when the Nagus tells you he’s going to buy a thing, it’s at a low price, and you can’t say no. But no, it’s just to host a party here for some Ferengi who’re here to learn stuff about the Gamma Quadrant. All of the heads are worried about all the Ferengi lurking on the station. Mmm mmm, racial profiling :D

“I’M STUPID? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S NOT GOING TO SCHOOL.”

Fun fact, this is the first episode where the Rules of Acquisition are mentioned. Cool!

Anyways, at the Ferengi conference, the Grand Nagus announces they’ll be moving into the Gamma Quadrant. It’s a VERY fun conference, I love a good Ferengi get together. Very funny. “I’M OLD… I’M JUST NOT AS GREEDY AS I USED TO BE…” and so the Nagus declares the new Nagus! QUARK!

Quark gets some NEW DUDS and he’s SO EXCITED! Everyone else HATES IT, but look at his DUDS! Oh wait no he’s now the target of EVERYONE. He BEGS the Nagus for help, and the Nagus is like “Yeah be ruthless, time to die <3” and then fucking dies. He’s then chopped into pieces and sold as a collectable, which might be the most Ferengi thing I’ve ever heard.

Oops someone tries to fucking assassinate Quark with a god damn bomb, and now the entire station is like “okay this is our issue now”. Also Sisko is being racist about his son being friends with a Ferengi again. He’s ANGRY, DEMANDING Jake not be out with a friend when he SHOULD be hanging with HIM playing with HIM or something.

They want this to be a Godfather episode and it’s fucking working. That’s not even a joke, that’s literally what this started as. “What if the Godfather but with Ferengi”

….Okay, this is HEARTWARMING. Sisko is ANGRY that his son is friends with a NON HUMAN and is gonna go give him a PIECE OF HIS MIND! They keep hiding on the station every night. Sisko storms there and finds out Jake is teaching Nog how to read. Which is fucking HEARTWARMING AS FUCK, and Sisko IMMEDIATELY chills out which like, good.

And the old Nagus’ son, and Rom, are actually trying to kill Quark! They’re about to fucking airlock the poor guy when the Nagus shows up and is like “This was all a TEST for you my son and you fucked up really REALLY bad. It’s like talking to a KLINGON. You were supposed to TAKE OVER QUARK’S POSITION IN THE BAR, AND GATHERED INFORMATION. YOU’D MAKE MILLIONS.” And For ROM’S part, for attempting to murder Quark… he gets a promotion. Didn’t think he had the lobes.

DS9 is the Ferengi redemption arc, and yet they’re still somehow terrible, but I love them anyway.

This episode was amazing. SOLID 9, not QUITE emotional or powerful enough to reach that 10 but it’s SUPER fun. Like all Nagus episodes.

Vortex - DS9 8/10

This episode starts like all good episodes of DS9 starts. With Odo and Quark being catty at each other.

ODO WAS A GLASS, TAKE A DRINK! “FIVE glasses for FOUR PEOPLE?!” is very funny.

Quark is doing business with what is PROBABLY stolen goods. Some guy, seen above, comes in waving a fucking gun and demanding the stolen goods. One of the twins gets killed in the process, and apparently twins in his species are like one entity in two bodies so he’s FUCKED UP.

This killer, Croden, is…. weirdly likable to me. He’s a bit of an awkward guy. Isolated and alone. But he IS a fucking murderer. It WAS like, a “him or me” moment but y’know. Anyways he calls Odo a… Changeling. We’re ALREADY getting Lore :o. Odo is now conflicted. Deal with this murderer who broke the law, or…. help him out and hear what he has to say. Interesting.

I wonder how much they had planned beforehand, with the Changelings. Was the Dominion all planned out?

Croden has an amulet that is all Changeling-y, and it DRIVES ODO UP THE WALL. Croden is unreliable. A criminal. He offers to take Odo to where a colony of Changelings is, it’s hidden in “The Vortex”, an uncharted section of space. I’m glad Odo doesn’t, though he’s obviously conflicted, and instead he’s set to take Croden back to his people for extradition.

There’s a big theme in this episode, not belonging. There not being a home for you. Croden claims (though it’s noted he lies a lot) that he didn’t have a home in his home, either. Apparently his family was murdered, and he’s wanted for killing the killers.

I’m liking the running theme of Quark realizing his actions have consequences. He’s worried for Odo, as the Twin from earlier extorts Quark to find out where Odo went. Quark is able to figure out where his brother is at all times.

Odo and Croden are persued by the Twin, and they flea into The Vortex. Which is just the effect from Star Trek 2 but upside down.

Turns out, it was all a lie. There’s no Changeline colony. Croden was using Odo just to get to his daughter, the only member of his family he could save. Croden begs Odo to save his daughter, while he answers for his crimes. But the Twin attacks, and Odo is knocked out. Croden could EASILY leave Odo behind and just escape, which he NEARLY does…. but it’s not The Right Thing to do. He’s a criminal, but not a bad guy. I knew I liked him.

EDIT: I was sitting downstairs after watching these episodes, eating a popsicle, when suddenly it struck me. Wait a minute. This makes no sense. Earlier in this episode, Odo is a glass that’s thrown against the wall. He shatters into a million pieces, which then reform together and morph back into Odo. Here, Odo is hit by a rock and is knocked out. Why. Why would this effect him in any way. He should be invincible.

And yes, later in the series, he is. He’s not QUITE there yet. Changelings aren’t quite there yet. This proves it. Anyways, back to the episode.

The finale is climactic, and exciting. They barely make it out with some Odo ingenuity, and Odo does the right thing. He’s a lawful neutral, justice is important…. but his heart is in the right place. Don’t thank him. He already regrets it. He’s given the Changeling Amulet, and lies and tells them that Croden was killed in the attack. Some big Odo character development, AND lore development! Oooh I’m excited to see what happens with the Changelings, I’m sure they’re Good Guys :D

FINAL THOUGHTS

DS9 still has a strong early showing. There were weaker episodes here but none of them BAD. I was a little tempted to give a 5.5/10 to Dax, but it’s on that line. In the end, an okay batch, with some real nice episodes. I love the characters so far too… well, Odo, Quark, and Kira are really good. Dax is also not bad. I dunno, we’ll see how I feel by the end~ It’s WAY more consistent than early TNG tho that’s for damn sure. Sure they had the production team all seasoned after TNG, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that season 1 is pretty good so far.

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Battle Lines - DS9 6.5/10

It’s Kai Opaka’s big return! She’s here for a tour of the station Sisko offered her, and she’s… a little off. She’s giving gifts, and wants to go see the wormhole. She’s giving big “I have cancer” vibes, and wants to live a little. The Pope Wants To Go On A Road Trip. Even has Shit Inevitably Goes South, she gives off the vibe of loving the rollercoaster they’re on as their runabout crashlands on a planet. At least, until they land and she fucking dies

Maybe we shouldn’t have taken the Pope to an alien planet.

Anyways they’re captured by aliens, who claim that the moon they’re on is a prison planet, and now that they’re here, they might as well ally with them. Actual good Bashir moments? He’s willing to teach them basics of triage, and basically forces his way out of them holding him prisoner to heal Kira.

Then their new allies are attacked, and almost all killed. But then they… get back up. And guess who’s also here?

ZOMBIE POPE!

Turns out when people are here, they’re never allowed to die. It’s “designed to prolong the suffering”. There’s a lot of interesting stuff here. Kira’s like “you all are SHIT at this war, the defense was so unorganized” and the leader was like “…what’s the point, if you can’t die?”

There’s also a lot of stuff about war, and fighting, and how that never leaves you. Kira cries into Opaka’s shirt, as she’s terrified that that is her.

Sisko tries to get the two sides of this war to come to a cease fire, so that they could all go free, and be teleported off once their rescue comes. The Ennis, and the Nol-Ennis decide that they’d rather die than let their enemies escape, even though they’d benefit from it. They’re here, suffering, dying over and over, but they’d rather their enemies suffer with them. Pretty fucked up lol

Turns out that plan is bust anyway, though. The same thing that keeps people from dying also stops them from leaving. If they try, they’ll just die for good. Well, that means the Kai’s fucked, huh? But before they’re able to tell her how fucked she is, she’s like “Oh I’m staying btw. I gotta stay here to help them heal”. It’s a little sudden but she HAS been giving big I’m Gonna Die energy all damn day, so

Interesting stuff with Bashir here. He’s a doctor, he saves lives. But he offers them the ability to Die For Good, to end their suffering. They’re like “ohhhh yes PLEASE GIVE US THAT POWER, SO WE CAN FINALLY KILL OUR ENEMIES” and Bashir is like “yeah okay nevermind fuck that shit” and they warp out, Dax and O’Brien saving them.

Kai Opaka wishes them goodbye as she’s like “our paths will cross again someday”. No they won’t lmfao Kai Opaka’s shadow will be felt but she’ll never return. It’s very Anime. Ash made a new friend and they’ll see them again soon or no they won’t ever again. For this to have been better, we would have needed more Opaka in this season than just a few scenes in episode one for us to really care about her.

The Storyteller - DS9 4/10

We got two plots here. On the one hand, Kira and Sisko have to work with a delegation of Bajorans. And the other is O’Brien and Bashir stuck in a Runabout together going to a place to do some medical stuff, and O’Brien fucking HATES Bashir and Bashir cannot understand why, he’s such a likable guy.

The first signs of an actual good part to Bashir’s character. His beginning bromance with O’Brien. They’re here to save some old guy in a village, who’s like “oh you’re not the one the prophets sent for me” and then wants O’Brien instead. Then just kicks them out like “ah thank the Prophets”. There’s some monster that comes, and they need the old dude to save them, whatever that means.

Back on the station, there’s a dispute. Two clans, and their borders have been determined by a river. The Cardassians diverted the river, adding like 20 miles for one of the clans, causing the dispute. This is like, a real thing, that happened irl. Interesting. One of the leaders is a young woman who’s father used to be the leader, and she has a SERIOUS complex about it.

This sick old dude yells at a cloud, but is not strong enough to defeat it. He calls for O’Brien, and basically makes him yell at the cloud too before dying. It’s… not SUPPOSED to be funny, but it’s fucking ridiculous. O’Brien is then made the new Sirah, the new protector of the village.

And back on the station, Sisko has to be the diplomat keeping a war from occuring between two villages. He is not great at this. They should have hired like, some kind of actual diplomat, because Sisko is no Picard. Intentionally, of course. But they keep wanting him to do Picard stuff lol

O’Brien is now the Storyteller, the Sirah. He’s gotta stop this monster that’ll come for one more night. He’s VERY unhappy about it, but Bashir finds it hilarious. He’s laughing, even as they bring O’Brien virgins he may peruse. I was really hoping this episode would make Bashir more likable. Oops.

Oh I forgot to mention the C plot! The young girl leader makes friends with Nog and Jake. Nog has a crush on her and it’s all just uncomfortable. A LOT of this episode is uncomfortable? And it’s overloaded too, there’s just too much of it.

I’m really checked out ngl. The Sirah summoned a monster using a shard of an orb. Y’all mother fuckers are shattering chaos emeralds???? Whatever, the monster is made to give the villagers something to rally against so they’ll work with each other better. The only thing improving this plot is that O’Brien is the most put upon man in the quadrant.

Nog spills oatmeal on Jake and claims it’s Odo. That’s kinda funny. This episode isn’t TERRIBLE, but none of the three plot points really have a great payoff, or are enjoyable even in the moment. The only true payoff is that it sets up dynamics with Bashir and O’Brien, who up to this point had not even interacted like, a single time.

Progress - DS9 3.5/10

The Bajorans are gonna crack the mantle of one of the moons to get some energy. This is the fracking episode I guess. They’re doing one last inspection of the moon before they do, and they find some people didn’t heed the call for an evacuation. Some farmers who’re like “THIS HAS BEEN MY LAND FOR YEARS AND I AIN’T GIVIN’ IT UP”. Ah. That kinda plot.

Meanwhile, in our B plot, Nog and Jake have a bunch of Yamok Sauce, a Cardassian sauce no one at DS9 would want anymore (I guess Garek isn’t a fan). So they decide to make the most of it, and trade it to some traders for some… other useless garbage. So, the A plot is farmers, the B plot is a Zelda trade sidequest. Or maybe a Sierra adventure game.

Anyways why the shit are they cracking the moon that’s like, an M-class moon???? That people lived on? Surely there’s dead rocks around here they could deal with. But yeah the farmer is likable enough. I get his plight. He left Bajor years ago, wants nothing to do with it, this is his home, built it himself, it’s very important. I get that. I just don’t care. I’ve NEVER understood reverence and tying yourself to a Place, though that’s a big cultural thing in Bajoran culture so like, it makes sense, I get it.

He’s also tying it to like, the Cardassians? “Sure, they can crack this moon and it’ll kill me. I can’t stop em. But you couldn’t stop the Cardassians either. It’s JUST like that! I’m just hanging on like the rebels did!” No my man, it is not like that. You’re not a fucking Cardassian Slave. You’re a farmer who lives on a house he built. Get a new one. Like “is it okay to force move people” is a fine enough theme for an episode, that’s good, that’s great even. I won’t fully care or empathize but I get it. But like, at least have it be well written.

The other half of the episode is actually way better even if it literally has nothing to do with the other half. Jake trying to teach Nog that it’s not JUST profit, trading for things other than money is good too, money is not all that matters.

I do at least like the Kira moments here, and her acting and lines are good, and I like the old guy’s acting too, it’s great. But I don’t 100% like her immediate desire to like, quit and retire to just live and die with this grumpy old man. It does kinda make sense, as Sisko says, she’s been used to fighting with the underdog. Now she’s on the other side.

In the end she burns down his fucking house. And then it just… ends. I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes, as the rightful government, you have to… burn down people’s houses?

Not a fan.

If Wishes Were Horses - DS9 6/10

What an amazingly pretentious name. This episode lulls you in with a false sense of security with Odo and Quark bickering and being wives, and then suddenly Bashir going to Dax like “YOU ARE CONSTANTLY IN MY THOUGHTS, WHEN I’M WITHOUT YOU, I CAN’T BREATHE, I HATE SAND” and Dax very VERY cleanly shuts him down. So at least there’s that. Hopefully we never have to see this again.

At least we get a palette cleanser of Miles telling his daughter a story. It’s adorable. It’s the story of Rumpelstiltskin which I’m sure will not come up at all in this episode. Miles and Keiko are about to smooch when Molly comes out like “DADDY, HE’S IN MY ROOM”, which is not something you ever want to hear your child say out of context. Miles convinces her that’s just a fictional story, and is like “why DO we tell kids stories about evil dwarves stealing children”, and he opens her door to reveal

What an utterly ridiculous ridiculous concept for an episode. Were they already running out of ideas? And as Rumpyboy is being a goofball, Jake brings home a Baseball Player from the holosuite, who followed him home. Now son, what did I tell you about adopting baseball players? And meanwhile, this happens.

Now, thank GOD, Bashir doesn’t immediately go “Oh hey she suddenly is real into me, she must have COME TO HER SENSES,” no she thinks something is VERY wrong with her and starts scanning her. They discover that some kind of field that is making imagination come to life. It’s a very goofy time.

They determine that this HAS happened before. In some star system they’d never heard of before, and they’d never heard of it cause this anomaly caused the star system to fucking explode.

LOL the Baseball guy is like “IT SURE SUCKS THAT THEY KILLED BASEBALL IN THE 2000S, HUH?” …??? They KILLED BASEBALL? Yeah I sure do remember the day Baseball died. And they were siiingin’, byyye byyyye miss American Pie-

Quark claims Odo has no imagination, so Odo imagines Quark suffering. What a catty thing.

Turns out all the imaginations are like, working together towards some goal? It’s interesting, but uh, was that Emu also working towards that goal??? What are they doing here?

The rift is about to tear the station apart, but Sisko comes up with a new plan. If they imagine and believe that everything is normal, everything is normal. And so it is. Everything disappears, and it goes back to normal. But the guest start baseball star explains they’re from another planet, on the other side of the wormhole. They’re not malicious, they just wanted to learn more.

This episode was goofy but had some fun parts to it.

The Forsaken - DS9 7.5/10

AWW YEAH BABY, HOT DOG, IT’S TIME FOR THE TRASHIEST WOMAN IN SPACE! Some Ambassadors are here, including LWAXANA TROI! She IMMEDIATELY causes a scene because someone stole her brooch. Odo does his Odo thing and sniffs out who it is, which makes her… VERY interested in him~

Meanwhile, Bashir is on Ambassador Duty, reining in all the other ambassadors, who are all Karens. Poor Bashir. I don’t even like season 1 Bashir but he doesn’t deserve this fate.

Troi basically pushes Odo down trying to make out with him, christ, momma Troi comes on SO STRONG. Odo is NOT interested, romance is weird to him. So he goes crying to Sisko, who basically laughs and is like “why is this a problem” which is a little weirdly… frat boyish? Like it’s so close to him just going “BROOO, YOU’RE GONNA GET MAD PUSS, HIGH FIVE”. Sisko, he’s not interested, respect that. He also doesn’t want to cause a diplomatic incident lmfao

And then they literally get stuck in the elevator together. It’s a weirdly mundane of a problem for Star Trek? Oh no, they’re STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR? And also one wants to jump the other’s bones.

I like how Troi keeps changing outfits and hair each scene. The first one was pink! She’s perfect in her trashiness.

Meanwhile Bashir is complaining to Sisko about how he forced this job of trying to keep angry ambassadors happy. The job is DREADFUL, and it’s literally just so make Sisko comfortable so he doesn’t put up with a bunch of Karens. Sisko, AGAIN, just kinda laughs about this. Why is Sisko being a weird dickhead this episode?

Another thing about this episode is O’Brien’s relationship with the computer. Basically, he hates it. It doesn’t work right, he wants to completely rework it and replace it. Once they start uploading data from some weird probe that came through the wormhole, though, it starts becoming more docile and making up problems to keep O’Brien near it, like a needy child.

Weirdly enjoyable scene with Momma Troi and Odo??? Troi is like, listening for the first time EVER, as Odo talks about himself, and his history. His “childhood” as a science experiment. He was “the life of the party”. Oh also, he’s in hour 15 of 16, after 16 hours he has to become a blob in a bucket, or he’ll start to suffer violently. Oops. If I was in this situation I’d rip off my pants, tie then up, and then go “become a blob in my pants”. But like, not in a horny way, this time.

TROI IS BEING SO WEIRD. SHE’S LIKE, SUCH A GOOD PERSON IN THIS EPISODE. So caring and supportive. She takes off her wig (it makes sense in context) and curls him up as a blob in her dress (it is less horny in context), and takes care of him. It’s…. really heartwarming. Everything eventually works out, O’Brien solves the issue by adopting a dog. It makes sense in context.

This episode isn’t anything AMAZING but it has a few fun moments. Good development with Odo, and I liked the payoff with Bashir, too.

Dramatis Personae - DS9 5.5/10

Our episode starts with some Klingons fucking exploding, one of them going “VICTORY” after he teleports on DS9 with damage. At the same time, some Valerians, who are well known for smuggling weapons to Cardassians, are here doing routine normal stuff. Sisko refuses to do anything. That’s not great of you, Sisko.

Apparently, according to Quark, the Klingons were going into the Gamma Quadrant for routine bio scans, and they said they’d “bring something back that will make their enemies tremble”. Odo then has a fucking heart attack or something that’s GENUINELY upsetting to watch, and as he wakes up, Bashir is… weirdly evil. Nothing in this episode is clear yet, but there’s lots of politics going on. There’s some lines being drawn, with some people being SO weird and not acting themselves, being weirdly aggressive.

The people who are NOT being weirdly aggressive or just off (Dax is weirdly stuck in stories) is basically Odo. It’s weirdly uneasy and uncomfortable to watch. Especially as the ones who are weird are like “remember who your friends are” and “whoever goes against Sisko is against me”, and the others are like “huh that’s not weird, totally normal”. But at least Odo is like “What the SHIT is going on”

Kira tries to stage a coup, trying to get Dax on her side, and then fucking attacks Quark and breaks his god damn neck. He wants to sue, but Odo is like “okay shit is getting to be too much. I’ve gotta figure out what’s going on.” Everything else is super uncomfortable, but Odo’s straightman reactions help save this a bit.

They finally get the logs cleaned up from the Klingons. Basically, there were telepathic books they found that told the story of a power struggle that destroyed an ancient civilization. Those books caused the Klingons to reinact the power struggle. And now everyone here is too, basically playing parts of a war that happened centuries ago. Everyone but Odo. And once Odo figures this out, he does things in a VERY smart way.

He plays along. He pretends to be all up in this, playing people’s roles against them. Very clever, Odo. Bashir is a political minor who wants to be a major, and Odo basically works with him to play both other factions (Kira VS Sisko) against each other, so that he can “gain control”, AKA lock them down and fix their fucky brains. He succeeds, then… vents the brain gas into space? Weird.

Weird episode. Liked Odo tho. It just didn’t really do enough with this concept.

Duet - DS9 8.5/10

A medical patient reaches DS9, suffering from a disease that was gotten from a mining accident as a Bajoran prisoner camp. Kira goes down to meet this Bajoran survivor, and oops, it’s actually A CARDASSIAN! OH NO!

Kira IMMEDIATELY arrests this dude. He has that disease, which means he was probably at the labor camp. He lies and says he’s not and actually has another disease that’s SIMILAR but not the same. He’s weirdly gregarious, chuckling lightly. No Cardassian who chuckes lightly would be evil!!

Also all the Bajorans are extremely racist. A drunk Bajoran is like “Uh no I’m not gonna be in jail with ONE OF THOSE”. I get it, but it’s a little heavy handed. If he WAS at the labor camp, he was probably a war criminal. The Cardassian still pretends to be innocent, claims he was a filing clerk, and that there were no actual atrocities. Instead, they were rumors to try and rule in fear.

Using CSI Picture Enhace bullshit, they manage to find out that he’s AGAIN lying. Turns out he’s ACTUALLY the person in CHARGE of the labor camp. He’s a weirdly loud and insane guy about himself, thinking he was AMAZING, and doesn’t regret ANYTHING he did. He ends up admitting EVERYTHING. It’s weird. But I think it’s because he knows he’s just going to be fucking killed anyway. Maybe it’s to make them feel better? his acting is AMAZING.

And then, things start to… make less sense. Odo, being the incredible detective he is, is like “wait how did he know who you were”. They call up YOUR OL’ PAL GUL DUKAT, who’s like “Uh, the man you claim to have is dead????” Odo thinks this guy wanted to be caught.

The truth comes out. He was actually the dude he claimed to be at first, who changed his appearance to that of a war criminal, so that he WOULD be killed. He WANTED to die, to stand for his crimes, to attone for his guilt. And to change Cardassia, to make them ADMIT that what they did was wrong, and to change themselves for the better. Kira refuses to be a part of it. “It would just be another murder of an innocent.”

In the end, a Bajoran stabs him anyway. Why? He wasn’t Gul Darheel? “He’s a Cardassian. He deserved to die”. It’s a downer ending, kinda surprising, and I’m not 100% sure I liked it. But it still fit for Kira’s character development. Over all, very good episode. Great acting and character development for Kira.

In the Hands of the Prophets - DS9 9.5/10

Our season finale! And this introduces a character who will become a major character for the rest of the series. A woman named Winn, a religious bishop basically, walks in and listens to Keiko teach about the wormhole. She gets antsy, claiming that Keiko is teaching BLASPHEMY. Ohhhh boy. A religious extremist, my favorite~

Kira actually AGREES with Winn. She’s like “Hey maybe we should teach both fundamentalism AND your… philosophy? Or we can have two classes!” And then people start refusing to sell to them :D Telling them to “seek the prophets” instead.

This Fundie is pretending to be the REASONABLE one. That’s SUCH a thing, that’s EXACTLY what they do. She’s “making concessions” (bullshit). Keiko fights back, bringing a WAR. She starts teaching about people who were subjugated and mistreated by religion fundamnetalism. That’s the funniest shit ever. You go off, queen.

This is Bareil Antos, another religious leader, and the person most considered to be the next Kai. He’s a progressive. He immediately is like “Oh all thsoe old rituals the other religious leaders did you to? Bullshit. I should do away with that.”. Gosh it’s good to see a progressive is going to become the next pope :D That’s nice, always great when that happens.

There’s also a MURDER PLOT! Wow this is going swimmingly, huh? An Ensign was murdered, and it was covered up, the cover up pretending to make him look like an engineering accident, but they find out it was actually a phaser set to kill. Don’t we like… have alarms for that??? That we’ve had for a hundred years?

Anyways someone bombs the fucking school.

Winn is like “Are… are you implicating me into TERRORISM?” Uh… YES! And when they don’t back down, she’s like “Oh welp turns out you’re actually a Satan, I have decided.” HE’S LITERALLY BAJORAN JESUS?

Hello, framing shot.

So, O’Brien has had this Bajoran assistant in the past several episodes. She’s been very helpful and kind, but hasn’t had too much like, character, until this episode. Yeah so it turns out she’s the spy who’s been killing people. Neli was sad, cause she was happy to see more side characters like in TNG, but not here lol. She runs to Winn like “Uh, I’m going to be found out and executed” and Winn is like “Ah that is a sacrifice the Prophets and I am willing to make, my dear.”

Literally everything about this episode is SPOT ON about Fundamentalism. The violence with a smile and a “oh bless your heart, may you find Jesus”. The sacrificing of lesser underlings, all in the name of God. Pretending to do the right thing but totally working to fucking assassinate the progressive candidate to the papacy.

Neela, the assistant Engineer, turns off weapon sensors. So it makes sense, then, why there was no Phaser alarm, though maybe they should have expected that sooner or brought it up.

There’s a fucking assassination attempt, which thankfully fails. Kira, who was supportive of Winn this entire time (Religious fundie leftist terrorist is a very weird combo but okay) is like “Okay. No that’s fucked up”, and realizes all of Winn’s bullshit this episode was to get him to come to the station, so that he could be assassinated and she could become Kai. Kira realizes her mistakes, thankfully. And says she doesn’t think Sisko is Satan. How nice of her.

Strong episode, very strong finale. And like I said, it goes VERY aggressive on this topic. It does NOT hold any fucking punches.

SEASON THOUGHTS

This was by far the best season 1 of any Trek until like, SNW broke that by a country mile. There were no like, horribly garbage episodes. Just a few stinkers. And mostly either just some “eh okay” or “wow that was really good!” episodes. It sets up the show in a great way, I think. It’s very politically charged, with intrigue. Some of the TNG-esque monster of the week stuff doesn’t QUITE fit, and Berman is still there ruining things. But we’ll get there next season, I’m sure~