LizstarTrek - DS9 Season 2

Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of this episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

We’re watching Star Trek Deep Space 9 now!!! Every other week, we’re going to be watching DS9 instead of TNG! You have no idea how excited I am~ I LOVE DS9. Let’s do this!

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The Homecoming - DS9 9/10

Our first episode of season 2, I can already see major differences. The banter is… better timed. Everyone feels a little more comfortable. Sisko still feels off, but he hasn’t grown his beard yet. Everyone else feels snappier, more up to the cast.

Our episode starts with Quark and Odo husband bickering. Quark says he’s Changing, Odo does NOT believe him. Quark also gets an earring from a captain visiting, and gives it to Kira “as a gift”. It’s an earring owned by one of the resistance leaders who was assumed dead. Turns out he’s being kept in a prisoner camp on Cardassia IV, and Kira wants to rescue him. She wants to take a runabout for it, but Sisko is like “uhhh that might cause war???”

Meanwhile, there’s growing turmoil on the station. Some religious and political extremists, xenophobic fascists, want to kick all non-bajorans off the station and are spray painting their signs to scare people. Damn. We goin’ there, huh?

Sisko does give her the runabout. Everyone seems very for it, which is weird to me. I’m with Sisko. This seems dangerous?? Kira and O’Brien take the Roundabout, meaning we get some more O’Brien As A War Vet stories!

I like their civilian clothes. I also like how willing O’Brien is with this. Like, “oh, LAND on the Cardassian work camp? That could get us killed.” Nope. None of that. Lands, and immediately acts out as her fucking pimp, getting her into the camp. It works, though they have to sacrifice some of the Bajoran prisoners to save Li Nalas, the resistance leader, which NO one is happy about but they have to. It’s tense and exciting.

It’s DUKAT! :D He’s back! At least for now. He’s like “oh we totally had no idea we still had prisoners from Bajor, we give a direct apology~ uwu sowwy anyways we’ll send back the other prisoners <3” Yeah I’m sure Dukat.

Li Nalas is not very happy about… any of this. He’s treated like a hero, which he is, but just escaped 10 years in a labor camp and wants to relax, get some privacy.

Oh right, B plot. That extremist xenophobic group, the Circle, brand Quark. Li Nalas is at least disgusted by it, though he’s still kinda unhappy that people are trying to force him into a spot of leadership. They think he’s their hero, the one to save them and fix all their problems. This episode ain’t holding back, the idea of showcasing xenophobic right wing extremist groups like this? I wish it wasn’t still a thing we had to care about. And it’s nice to show they’re like “This shit AIN’T okay.”

Li Nalas attempts to stow away on a ship to escape Bajor. And the truth comes out. All that heroism, all that leadership? He did none of it. He was basically a slave to his reputation. He killed ONE guy, by accident, when he was in his underwear. And then they used him as a figurehead, a symbol, to guide them. And he’s exhausting by it. All he did was kill one guy. And he doesn’t even like that he did that. Sisko convinces him to stay, which he does, being promoted to some new “Navarch” position, and set to… replace Kira on DS9. TO BE CONTINUED!

Very solid episode!

The Circle - DS9 7.5/10

Let’s continue. NO ONE is happy about Kira leaving. I love the scene with Odo and Kira, Odo is PISSED. And then everyone else shows up, also pissed. Again, everyone is super on point, these people now feel like besties who are so unhappy. Y’know except for Bashir, who everyone calls out for “not getting it”. The Progressive Religious Leader from the last episode of season 1 shows up again, offering her a place to stay.

Speaking of people not being happy, neither is Li Nalas. He is NOT happy to be replacing Kira, he didn’t want this job. But Kira leaves either way, going to the monastery. And she doesn’t feel Right there. She’s lining up stones and is like “they’re CROOKED. But it’s not them that’s crooked, it’s me. I’m the one who’s not straight”. You heard it here first, y’all. Kira isn’t straight.

Thank God.

Kira looks into the Chaos Emerald, and gets this weird dream. Including one where she’s naked in the arms of a naked Progressive Pope????? I dunno how to feel about this. All of these Prophet Dreams make no sense.

Meanwhile, Quark goes to Odo like “bombs and weapons are on their way here, and I’m LEAVING” and Odo promotes Quark to Deputy. QUARK. THE DEPUTY. THIS IS HILARIOUS.

ODO IS A RAT, TAKE A DRINK!

Anyways, the politician from the last episode is actually the leader of the circle, what a surprise. They kidnap Kira from the Monastary, and admit it. He demands Kira tell her secrets about the Federation and she refuses, which is quite a character development cause 20 episodes ago she fucking hated the federation. He’s like “Now, no one hates Cardassians more than me, but we DID learn things from them, like how to get you to talk”. Oh hey, it’s bad when THEY do it. But when WE do it its justified. After all, WE know what’s right for Bajor~. This show is so fucking woke and does not hold back shitting all over right wing extremist groups.

Quark finds out where they’re keeping Kira due to his criminal contacts, and they do The Uhura Maneuver. For those who don’t remember, that’s Beam Down And Fucking Shoot Everyone.

LOL the Bajor First Extremist Organization is being funded by Cardassians. AGAIN, VERY ACCURATE. THIS SHOW FUCKING HATES RIGHT WING EXTREMIST GROUPS. Unfortunately, the Circle begins their coup of the government, and they have to watch from DS9. Sisko calls for “Chekote in Star Fleet” which I ASSUME is not THAT Chekote.

It’s the most hateable woman in space!! Winn is here to support The Extremists, IF they get her more power! Wow what a fucking shock. The Federation call for Sisko to evacuate, but… there’s not enough time. TO BE CONTINUED. Wow, a three parter? The first Three Parter in Trek.

Not nearly as good. Classic Middle Parter Issues. Playing lots of politics, which it does alright. Still a fine episode. The opening scene was by far the best part of it though.

The Siege - DS9 8.5/10

Sisko says he’s going to stay, “just to make sure the evacuation goes well”. Everyone else makes excuses why they’ll stay too. Their main goal right now is to make it clear the Circle is working for the Cardassians.

Quark plans to use the evacuation panic to gain money. Quark should be the least likable person in this show. In ALL of Star Trek. He’s taking advantage of people possible dying to make a profit. And yet, he’s the MOST likable character, SOMEHOW. I think Armin Shimmerman is just that powerful.

Li Nalas steps up. I love when they do this btw, “Cardassian Vole”. We gotta make up some foreign animal to make this Sci Fi but we gotta name it after a REAL animal so people kinda know what it is. Anyways, the liens are drawn, some people escape, but some are left behind. There’s not enough room. And Rom sells Quark’s seat. So Quark is left behind as the fighting is set to begin. Oh no, couldn’t have happened to a better man.

The Bajoran Extremists show up, the General with them. Last episode, Sisko went to a General to get him to help the provisional government keep stable. So clearly he doesn’t want to do that, he’s an extremist too. He mocks Sisko for leaving, but Sisko is hiding in vents, watching.

Kira and Dax sneak onto the moon and find some old broken down ships. It’s nice to see The Ladies actually allowed to DO something while everyone else hunkers down in the vents, hiding and waiting.

ODO IS THE WALL, TAKE A DRINK!

Bashir captures five of the enemy, and I gotta say, Bashir has been pretty okay these past few episodes. Good Bashir moment with the capture, where he gives medical babble as he holds a fucking gun up to them. I hope Bashir gets even better from here on out.

The episode essentially becomes guerilla tactics as they try to take little stabs at the extremist occupation. They win some battles. They lose some battles. But with some Bajorans helping them, superior knowledge of the station, and good tactics, they manage to survive and make it through. None of this feels TNG, AT ALL. They wanted to make DS9 seperate from TNG, and they are really succeeding.

BASHIR JUST MADE A YOUR MOTHER JOKE.

HOW IS BASHIR SO LIKABLE HERE?

Kira and Dax make it in the end, and the Cardassian’s involvement is made clear. The General surrenders, but the extremist second in command gets pissed and attempts to assassinate Sisko. Li Nalas dives in front, and becomes the hero people say he was, giving his life for a better Bajor, and finally being allowed to rest.

The entirely of this felt like The DS9 Movie, watching it all back to back to back. A good conclusion, though the ending felt maybe a TAD limp. But it’s a great intro to DS9. My issue isn’t like, Li Nalas’ death, I think that was good. I wish the bad guys had gotten more of a comeuppance. As far as I can tell, the politician is Still in government. He’s never mentioned again and he’s just like “Yes let’s investigate this”. Like, no. I want him arrested for his attempted coup????

Still, mostly really good.

Invasive Procedures - DS9 7.5/10

There’s a plasma storm outside, and everyone evacuated, so DS9 is pretty empty, just the main characters. BOTTLE EPISODE! After all the money spent on the first few episodes, we needed an episode with no one here but who we need I guess. Because no one is here, some… people claim to be damaged and need help, and when they’re saved, they attack and take the station. Odo is sealed in a box, so clearly they know what’s going on. Boy, DS9 sure seems to get taken over a lot. I’m sure that won’t be a recurring thing.

Hey look, it’s Tuvok As A Klingon :o anyways that Trill over there is hiring everyone to help him take the station and kidnap Dax. Why is every Dax episode about someone kidnapping Dax? Anyway he’s upset because HE wanted to have Dax, and spent his whole life studying and preparing to be a Joined. He DESERVED Dax. He’s a very anxious nervous individual, apologetic, but he IS doing some heinous shit.

He threatens all the others to force Julian to essentially KILL Jadzia by removing the Dax symbiont. The first genuine good Julian/Jadzia moment, where he apologizes and she tells him its not his fault as he puts hr under.

God this is nasty.

So this guy came with a girlfriend, who’s here because she loves him and wants his dream to be realized. This girl, Mareel, is like “He won’t change, I love him.” And Sisko WEAPONIZES memories and his friendship with Dax. Very smart, Sisko. He makes this New Dax look as different as he can to divide the two of them, and also to cause inner turmoil within him. He even LOOKS different, he’s more confident, more stable.

I can’t imagine what Verad Dax’s life must be like? Imagine living your life joined with another being who hates your fucking guts.

lol amazing scenes with Quark. He attacks a fucking Klingon, and he and Bashir do some GREAT pretending to get him seperated so they can team up on the other Klingon. Then he does some lockpicking to release Odo. I know Shimmerman hates this episode cause of how Quark betraying the station got Jadzia almost killed, but like, I think Quark wouldn’t have done that on purpose, there was the scene where he expected them to JUST be smugglers. Quark was just doing his Normal Quarky Business.

ODO WAS THE DINING CAR, TAKE A DRINK

“We both know you won’t shoot me, Benjamin” “Verad. Don’t call me Benjamin.” SHOOTS.

They get the Dax Symbiont back, and Jadzia is like “Everything he did, I remember it. He’ll always be with me.” lol he’ll never be mentioned again. It was a mostly pretty good episode. Gives the Dax Symbiont some more good backstory.

Cardassians - DS9 10/10

OUR

BOY

IS

BACK

I missed him, a lot. Him and his stupid Steve From Blues Clues Outfit. He was never intended to be a main character but everyone loved him so much so he came back. Thank God. Anyways Garak and Bashir are on a date with some amazing lines, and then a Cardassian boy and his adopted father show up. The Cardassian boy literally bites Garak.

Some Cardassian orphans were left behind, and adopted by Bajorans. Makes sense, but Gul Dukat hears about what happened (Garak, no one likes a snitch), and is OUTRAGED. These orphans are being taught to be believed Cardassians are EVIL, to HATE their own kind!! His Bajoran dad is like “Uh, we literally just told him what happened. We love him, he’s our son.”

The episode then becomes Bashir investigating. He gets different testimonies. People like “It must be awful to be told how you’re scum and beaten if you’re not the perfect Bajoran boy”, but the dad denies it. So it now becomes determining whether this boy is being abused, and whether they need to remove him from the father’s control.

Garak teaches Bashir Cardassian social studies. “We are a very meticulous people. Do you think we left orphans behind ON ACCIDENT???” Garak doesn’t like Gul Dukat very much.

O’BRIEN IS RACIST AGAINST THE CARDASSIANS, AND MOLLY FUCKING YELLS AT HIM. Good shit. She then does a social faux pas by trying to feed the kid, and O’Brien, Cardassian food, but her heart is in the right place. O’Brien and Moly are basically made his temporary parents while the investigations go on. This poor kid. “Do you know how many Bajorans the Cardassians murdered? I wish I wasn’t a Cardassian.”

Dukat figures out who his true father is, and as he’s on his way to DS9, Garak and Bashir investigate the circumstances of the adoption. What IS Garak up to? He won’t say. Hmm. I wonder if Garak just never fucking tells anyone what he’s doing. Bashir ain’t havin’ none of it. Garak is running Bashir around on a leash, and finally, Bashir refuses to continue unless Garak explains.

Amazing scenes. “Coincidences are real. Coincidences happen every day. But I do not trust coincidences.” Also I REALLY like how Bashir is handled too? Bashir FINALLY getting his comeuppance. FINALLY getting his due. He’s getting justice, finally.

The father’s story here is tragic, and you feel for him. What he and Cardassia did was awful but… whoofa. This entire story is BIG in the feels. And everything here is a political ploy by Gul Dukat to HURT this father, who’s his political enemy. A long running ploy. But Bashir and Garak figure out what happened by looking over the history, the files, and thinking like a Cardassian.

Bashir CONFRONTS Gul Dukat and HUMILIATES him by tearing his plans apart, piece by piece, with a SAVAGE precision. He GETS UP IN DUKAT’S FACE. Bashir, holy SHIT.

What a fucking good episode. And BASHIR. It REALLY elevates Bashir!!! I kept going “Damn Bashir. Daaamn Bashir. DAAAAAMN BASHIR!” This is Bashir where he needs to be. Callous and kinda socially rough, but he’s callous with PERCISION, where it hurts, to those who need it. Not towards people who don’t want him hitting on them. AND it brings back our boy Garak! It sets him up, and we know, we WILL be seeing more of him. This was the first 10/10 DS9 ep, and I DON’T think it’ll be the last.

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Melora - DS9 6.5/10

This episode is a recipe for disaster.

This is The Episode About Disabilities. AND it’s a Bashir episode. I cannot imagine a worse combination of things for a show from the early 90s. Maybe today I’d trust a show to handle disabilities well (I may not trust us to handle Bashir well), but I’ll try to go in with a positive mind.

Our episode starts with Bashir and Dax preparing a wheelchair for an individual who was just assigned to the station. She’s from a planet where gravity is VERY light, so she uses canes and braces to get around, and has basically spent her whole life in Federation space like she’s an ill cripple. She’s clearly fucking sick of it. She doesn’t want special treatment beyond her basic abilities to actually move around and exist. Okay, not too bad so far. She’s forceful, but like, not at all offensive. Though the episode DOES start with Dax pointing at the wheelchair and going “I HAVEN’T SEEN ONE OF THESE IN 300 YEARS :D” Like they inoculated against wheelchairs. Y’know, like they inoculated against migraines.

Our B plot involves this tense scary guy Quark hasn’t seen in years who shows up in his bar and nonchalantly tells Quark “I am going to kill you :)”. Uh. So, you know how sometimes Trek in this era had an issue with A and B plots not meshing together?

The dialogue between Melora and Bashir is… all over the place. Sometimes it’s REALLY uncomfy, in that way that all Bashir dialogue is umcomfy cause he’s trying to fuck people with his voice. But he somehow gets a date out of this lady, and it gets to the best scene I’ve EVER seen Bashir in (though he barely plays a part). They’re at a klingon food stall, which I LOVE the idea of, and he orders a bunch of food and hands it to her. “I can’t eat this!” “I mean, I know how it LOOKS, but-“ and then she starts yelling at the Klingon in Klingon about how the food isn’t live enough for her, and he yells back then laughs and goes “I LIKE A CUSTOMER WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE LIKES”. That’s good shit. And then their cute sweet scenes where Bashir talks about how he got started in medicine. Does a lot to make him likeable.

And their cute moment where he’s like “You’ve gotta learn to trust us more. We trust you” and then they make out in zero G while he’s like “WOAH” flinging aroudn the zero G room, like this mother fucker has never been in zero G before. You live in space my man. How would you have NEVER been in low grav before??

She was like “Hey Dax, do you think love has a place in Starfleet?” and the ENTIRE CALL burst into “DO YOU THINK LOVE CAN BLOOM EVEN IN STARFLEET”. Anyways Bashir comes up with some kind brain surgery so she can walk in Human Gravity. Basically overclocking her brain. I can already tell this is going to fall apart in the future. “You let me fly for the first time. I’ll let you walk.” JULIAN YOU CAN FLY ANY TIME YOU WANT. YOU ARE IN SPACE. She also doesn’t look… too happy about all of this. Julian is a bit overbearing. His crime is he loves too much.

And then we watch this criminal dude try to choke out Quark. This episode has a bit of a tone problem. It eventually culminates in Dax and Melora being held at gunpoint alongside Quark, as he steals a Runabout. The episode takes a turn into a sudden car chase through space with a hijacker. Melora gets shot, but she pulls herself to the anti-grav and then beats the shit out of the criminal.

“Why didn’t I die from the phaser fire?” “I dunno.” Oh good. Anyways she breaks up with Bashir and calls off the treatments. If she DID get the treatments, would she still be herself? Bashir seems to take it well at least. Over all, this episode is WAY better than I expected it to be. It’s not AMAZING. But it’s good.

Rules of Accquisition - DS9 8/10

FERENGI EPISODE FERENGI EPISODE! Our episode starts with a game of Tongo, which appears to be like… Poker on a spinning table. Quark, Rom, and a new Ferengi are playing, and it’s fast and frantic with their betting and spinning, then a slow pan over and oh hey Dax is playing with them and she fucking SMOKES them. While also in that chill Dax was is like “I can’t play with your hand on my thigh, Quark”. Love her.

The new Ferengi is a young business minded Ferengi who got a job on the station recently, and he and Quark hit it off… to the annoyance of Rom. Then, a phone call comes in. THE GRAND NAGUS IS BACK! God I love him. His makeup is a little different this time, and he’s like “HEY I’M BACK :D” and tells Quark he’s gonna be a BIG part of something coming up~

Tulaberries, Quark. Quark gets into the wine buisness and gets his foot in the door of the Gamma Quadrent. Perfect! But Pel, the new Ferengi waiter, warns Quark. Rule of Acquisition 35: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. He warns Quark that if the deals go well, Zek wins. If the deals go badly, Zek is fine and Quark loses. Quark and Pel move into a kind of business partnership to make this go smoother, and as this happens, I made a realization. I watched Pel and listened to him and was like “That’s a woman”.

Sure enough.

I dunno, something about her face and voice! It was so much more different than any other Ferengi. This is our first Ferengi we’ve ever met! She and Dax become friends, and we get more insight into the Ferengi. It’s really funny too how she reacts though “Oh, you’re in love with Quark!” “Keep your voice down, he can’t know!” “Why not, it’s not that big of a deal?” “Well he doesn’t even know I’m a woman” “YOU’RE A WOMAN?”

Dax over here like “Oh gay Ferengi that’s normal, WOMAN FERENGI? NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!” I also love how Dax says her favorite people to hang with are Ferengi. She and Kira argue heavily about this, especially as the Grand Nagus hits on Kira RELENTLESSLY.

I’m going to be sending this to people out of context.

Quark and Pel work together and they get a deal with, not the Dosi like originally planned, but… THE DOMINION! THE DOMINIOOON! Of course they had NO plans for the Dominion at this point but they will become very, VERY important. Quark is like “I WANT DEALING WITH THE DOMINION” which is very funny because he totally will NOT in three seasons.

Things fall out between Quark and Pel, once Rom sneaks around and finds out, and tells Quark. Quark gives Pel 10 bars of Latinum and tells her to leave, she’d never be happy as a Ferengi’s wife. She’s like “But then let’s run away to the Gamma Quadrant, no one there will care if I wear clothes!” “But I WILL.”

Quark is an interesting character. He’s a misogynist. He’s kinda shitty. But like, he’s STUNNINGLY progressive for a Ferengi. When the Grand Nagus finds out, he immediately plans to throw her in jail. When QUARK does, he gives her money and is like “get away from me or I’ll get in trouble, and I can’t get over my societal stigmas against it. I KNOW there’s nothing wrong with it but I can’t MOVE PAST THAT.”

Not YET anyway. It all works out to status quo in the end as Nagus accepts Quark’s profits as a bribe to move past the issue. This episode is good. There’s some tone problems, and it’s not a perfect episode, but I still really enjoyed it. I just love the Ferengi.

Someone made a good comment in my discord, btw. Quark’s storyline is the same as Worf’s in TNG. They are a person who is, deep down, a good person from a Planet of Hats, and they spend the show over compensating, because the hat doesn’t fit on them and they don’t want to pretend it doesn’t. But I dunno if we’re going to get a “It is the Klingon way, but it is not MY way” moment for Ferengi like we did with Worf.

Necessary Evil - DS9 10/10

A widow who’s husband was murdered in his shop on Terok Nor hires Quark to get a box from his old shop, hidden in the walls. Then Rom and Quark break into the shop, and we get some ROM LORE! Rom is a stereotypical dumb guy, he has the dumb guy voice. But he’s NOT. He’s just a bit of a pushover, and anxious. When he’s left to his own devices, he’s real smart. He does fancy super spy robbery stuff.

Anyways they get the box and then Quark is fucking murdered. Like, pronounced dead. Rom explains where they found the box to Odo, and Odo has a PTSD flashback to five years ago… when he met Gul Dukat. What a good scene. Gul Dukat is like “have you ever seen a dead body?” “Yes. In your mines.” “Oh, please, those are casualties.” It’s perfect. It shows PERFECTLY how these two think.

Dukat assigns Odo as the primary investigator on the case of a chemist’s murder. Odo is younger, he’s not looking anyone in the eyes. The station is still under Cardassian rule, it’s very… blue. Very dim. Very fascist. He works with the husband’s wife to find the murderer, and she explains what her husband was cheating on her with some young hussy who murdered him in a jealous rage when he broke it off. She leads him to her and points it out…. a young Kira Nerys. DUN DUN DUN!

A five year old murder case is now open. We’re bouncing between the past and future. This episode is really good so far.

Holy shit this episode is a columbo episode no WONDER this episode is good. It’s Star Trek Columbo! And we get to see the background lore of SO many characters. Odo’s first meeting with Quark, and with Kira. This episode fucking slaps.

Kira is implicated in the murder in the past, but she has an alibi… she was doing terrorism. And he lets her go, and doesn’t turn her in. But in the end… even that was wrong. That was someone ELSE doing the terrorism. She DID do the murder, because he was a collaborator.

And in the end… he has to give up on his blind sense of “justice”. Because of what’s truly RIGHT, in this moment. It’s not justice. Justice was already served.

This is one of the best episode of Star Trek I’ve ever seen. It’s nonstop character development and history, and even everything down to how it’s CUT and SHOT is absolutely perfect. I loved this episode.

Second Sight - DS9 4/10

It’s the 4th anniversary of the Battle at Wolf 315, the anniversary of Sisko’s wife’s death. I have to say, at the start of season 1, Sisko was…. so not Right to me. But very slowly, without me even noticing, he’s been morphing into a much better character. Maybe this episode will really show that, and show how far he’s come. And how much further he has to go. He and Jake have a sweet heart to heart, as Jake’s had a bad nightmare. It’s a cute scene.

Then he meets a mysterous woman, and they hit it off. He’s staring out at the stars on the promenade, when she makes the first move. They hit it off, chatting, but then she just… disappears. Aw heck, Sisko is hitting it off with random Gods again, isn’t he?

The others IMMEDIATELY notice a difference. Kira directly calls it out with a “You never talk to anyone before you have your coffee and now not only are you all smiles but you’re drinking TEA?!”

She keeps disappearing a bit, and is also evasive about herself. But Sisko can’t help but fall deeper for her. She IS cute, I get it. People ask Sisko about her, but he honestly doesn’t know much about her. She flies in and out of his life like a hurricane. There’sa funny scene where he tries to get Odo to find her and he’s like “can you tell me her name?” “Only her first name” “Race?” “Nope” “Ship she came on?” “Nope.” “Well I’ll… see what I can do.”

There’s also this terraformer, a human scientist who’s very…. loud. Talkable. He’s a jovial old dork, and most people are exhausted by him but I kinda love him. Anyways he introduces them to his wife, which is.. DUN DUN DUN! FENNA! Or who INTRODUCED herself as Fenna. His wife, Nidell, has never seen Sisko before in her life. But looks and sounds EXACTLY like her. And next time we see Fenna, she’s like “HI :D” and is so confused when Sisko is annoyed.

Most of the time with Star Trek romance, it’s VERY forced and fast. It’s kinda that way here. Sisko is CRAZY for this woman, she’s been in three scenes. He risks his life going to this terraforming thing, which everyone says is a bad idea. But he NEEDS TO FIND OUT ABOUT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.

Turns out Fidell is a… “psychoprojective telepath”? In times of deep stress, her race makes fake telepathic versions of themselves, and it kills them. Why did a species evolve this way that is very stupid. Apparently, they mate for life, and she is NOT happy being with this blowhard, but she can’t leave him. She’s his ninth wife. Damn dude. Maybe at some point you gotta realize it’s not them, it’s you.

I guess he realizes it’s him. He commits suicide, and slams into the dead sun, bringing it back to life. He goes out of this world as flamboyantly as when he lived in it, with the words “LET THERE BE LIGHT!”. This I guess releases his wife. She doesn’t remember anything of her second life, and she and Sisko go their seperate ways.

Eh. It’s not terrible. Safely skippable, I think the basic idea was just flawed. The Terraformer guy was the best part of it by far. He was funny. But his death didn’t hit as much as it should have.

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Sanctuary - DS9 2/10

Today we’ve got a Kira episode, and Kira isn’t happy. The provisional government keeps blowing her off about every little thing, AND Quark is here. That’s the worst part. Quark is complaining cause some famous musician is hanging out in his bar and everyone is loving listening to him so much they don’t buy food or gamble. Shut up Quark lol. The musician wants to go somewhere else but the provisional government ALSO blew HIM off. Doin’ good there, Mr. Government.

And then immigrants show up from the Gamma Quadrant. Well. I sure hope this episode doesn’t turn out fucking stupid. Anyways the universal translator isn’t working to translate them, which is odd. Y’know maybe we should have some linguists in starfleet?? Why did only TOS even try that? They’re a bunch of dudes lead around my one woman, and they also only listen to Kira. I guess Dax is out today.

EVENTUALLY the universal translator kicks in which confuses me why this was ever a plot point other than to make the episode longer. Anyways there are THREE MILLION of these people, the Skreeans, who look like lepers, are on the other side of the wormhole. I’m sure that won’t be an issue. They were under the control of some aliens, but broke free after those aliens were conquered by… THE DOMINION. I’m sure that won’t be important. The leader Skreean was just a simple farmer but is kinda thrust into this leader role now that she’s the first to Find The Eye. Apparently there’s a prophecy that their homeworld, Kentanna, is beyond the Eye of the Universe or whatever, so they’re all making a pilgrimage here, cause they think it’‘ll be Bajor. Hmm.

Things get off to a bad start. The Skreean males are… kinda gross, eating leftover trash food with their hands kinda stuff. Getting aggressive, not listening, especially not listening to men. People pull pranks on them (people being Nog). They smell. Their skin flakes, they’re dirty, ugly immigrants. Y’know, that kinda thing. Eventually the Skrrean men ATTACK Nog for what he did, and things just go downhill from there. ‘

They find them a planet to resettle on, but the Skrreans are like “Oh we already found our home planet. It’s Bajor :D Welcome us please” And Bajor, being in SHAMBLES for the past few years, does meally mouthed liberal bullshit of “We take your request very seriously but no. We cannot take care of you.” “We’re not ASKING for that we just want land” “Yeah but what happens if you fail? Then we’d feel bad and would need to take care of you. So we won’t help you.”

This is painful lmfao I’m basically checked out.

A lot of the Skrreans are VERY hellbent on immigrating for… some reason. They’re being offered free land, and help for it. But no, they want THIS. …Am I the baddie here? This episode is PORTRAYED like this. Immigrants are annoying horrible people who want what THEY want and even after you give and give they take. The boys who were causing trouble steal a broken ship and try to land on Bajor by force, and they’re blown up. Welp.

The main leader Skrrean reprimands Kira. She thinks they could have helped each other, formed an alliance, the Skrreans could have helped with their famines. But “the Cardassians have made you all paranoid”. And then they leave. Apparently the original plan of this episode was that they Immigrants WOULD be accepted into Bajoran society and would help the Bajorans with their problems. I agree. But if that’s the moral of the story, it was shown SO poorly. The Skrreans were constantly portrayed in the negative for the ENTIRE episode, their only positive trait was they could farm, and that was implied.

Even though I don’t think it came from a place of malice, it is very VERY bad. BTW, why the shit does Bajor have FAMINES? WE HAVE REPLICATORS. If you’re out of energy, isn’t that WHY WE FRACKED THE MOON? Y’know, the LIVABLE MOON where people FARMED?

Rivals - DS9 6.5/10

I want to read you the description of this episode from Memory Alpha.

“Quark feels threatened when a con artist arrives on the station and opens up a competing bar. Meanwhile, Chief O’Brien is determined to beat Doctor Bashir at racquetball. “

This sounds like a fake episode made by the Season 8 of TNG Twitter.

Our episode starts with Odo arresting Martus Mazur, an El-Aurian. That’s Guinan’s race. People just like talking to El-Aurians, they’re friendly and nice and easy to open up to! Martus has been using that to con people. Guinan would be so disappointed.

Meanwhile, Bashir was the racquetball ace at the acadamy. O’Brien has been looking for someone to play with for ages. Unfortunately, Bashir is a sore winner, and is like “Oh don’t worry I’m sure I’ve beaten a HUNDRED people who are just as bad as you are”, cause thats the kinda person Bashir is.

Does this episode sound a bit jarring tonally? Like the A and B plot don’t mesh together? YEAH. THEY SURE DO HUH? I’ll try to avoid drumming on about this.

Martus’s cellmate, some old broke sick dude, literally gives him a “know when to hold em, know when to fold em, die in your sleep” line and then fucking dies in his sleep. Apparently he lost all his money gambling on some Magic Orb. You press a button on the orb, and it tells you if you win or lose! That’s… that’s it! It’s a Magic 8 Ball of Gambling. Martus steals it and tries to sell it to Quark, but decides to keep it instead and open his OWN gambling establishment across the way from Quark. Oh boy. Btw Martus is played by Prince Humperdink and it is very distracting.

Quark complains to Sisko who does not even give an IOTA of a shit and it’s very funny. Also Bashir stops playing with O’Brien cause he feels bad about kicking his ass. This is where the A and B plots collide, as Quark listens to O’Brien whine and gets the idea to revitalize interest in his bar. He’ll put on a MATCH BETWEEN THE TWO! And not tell them, obviously. And then he blackmails them by saying he’s donating half the proceeds to orphans which is fucking hilarious.

Meanwhile, luck seems to be going screwy across the station. C plot? Lots of bad luck streaks, things breaking, people getting minorly hurt. And then it hits Martus too. All Quark’s people returned to him. He got caught cheating and kicked out. And he gives money to a cute girl who’s been asking him for help all event.

LOL everyone is betting on Bashir so Quark attempts to have him FUCKING POISONED so he’ll fail the match. Like it’s just a tranq, basically, but fuck’s sake. Quark then is like “I’LL MAKE NO PROFITS, SO I WON’T BE ABLE TO GIVE MONEY TO SICK ORPHANS. YOU SHOULD THROW IT”. Bashi ain’t having it, but he starts losing the match ANYWAY. Cause again, probability is fucked up.

Anyways turns out it was Martus’ machine. His luck continues to turn as they blow up his machine and he’s thrown in jail for something ELSE he did, not even this. Then Quark “loans” him money to get him to go the fuck away.

This was an okay episode. The funniest thing about it is there’s a shirtless O’Brien episode, and they had to fight with the producers to let them do it, because O’Brien “isn’t the sexiest person out there”. Pff. They don’t know what they’re talking about.

The Alternate - DS9 8.5/10

This episode starts with an amazing start with Odo working one over on Quark. Odo has a “fascination” with “death rituals” and buys a Piece of Plegg, a famous Ferengi. Turns out uh, nope. Not Plegg. “It says so right here!” This scene is funny. And then Odo’s Dad comes to ruin it. Odo’s “dad” is a scientist who was assigned to work with him when Odo was first discovered. Dr. Mora. He came to try and get Odo to come back with him, back to The Good Ol Days, where Odo was a test subject. To find out where Odo came from.

Odo is very VERY visibly uncomfortable around this dude. This episode could be really good or VERY bad. We’ll see how they take it.

This episode appears to be all about parents. There’s a fun episode with Jake and Sisko, where Jake is like “Dad, you KNOW I don’t NEED to learn Klingon Opera, you haven’t used it since you were my age.” “Yes but I had to suffer and now you do too”, with that fucking Sisko smile. And then Mora talks about Odo’s “childhood” like a happy dad, but I don’t like this guy. He keeps talking over Odo. He obviously still sees Odo as a test subject and not his own person. And Odo’s feelings are very complicated here too, understandably.

They go to a planet where some weird DNA, similar to Odo’s was scanned. The others are injured by poisonous gas, Odo is fine cause he doesn’t breath. They find a weird life form that they put in a petri dish and an ancient obelisk. They study the life form but it rips the lab apart to escape, and it becomes a chase to find this thing that grows fast and can’t be tracked cause of how weird its physiology is.

O’Brien tracks it down in a ventilation system, practically complaining that “this is just the scene in alien don’t tell my wife I did this she’d tell me I’m stupid”. He finds the life form though, a pile of dead goop. Turns out it couldn’t exist in their atmosphere. And then Bashir is attacked in his quarters after investigating it by some giant monster that they strategically do not show on screen lol

Also Dax hits on Bashir???? Are they STILL trying to push that? No, god, please no.

Mora and Odo didn’t part on good terms. Odo didn’t want to be there anymore, he wanted to leave, to integrate into society. Mora didn’t think he could do it, so he was like “YOU’LL BE BACK” but uh, he didn’t go back. He did it, way more than Mora could ever believe. Mora is still finding it difficult to move past Odo. There’s a major therapy drought on Bajor, I think.

Anyways, Mora thinks he found out what the attack on the lab and on Bashir was. He claims it was Odo. It was 16 hours apart, Odo’s period where has to Bucket himself. Mora wants to take Odo back to study him more and find out what’s going on. No one understands you like I DO, ODO. THEY’LL PUT YOU IN A ZOO IF YOU GO TO THEM FOR HELP. BUT I’M HERE FOR YOU. It’s so massively abusive. And then there’s a horrifying scene where Odo morphs into a monster that attacks Mora, who flees. Mora’s theory is that the gas caused some metaphorphisis, and it’s acting against Mora intentionally. Also, now that Odo is against them, Odo is a Thing. Jesus.

They capture Odo in a force field, and Mora is disgusted by what they’re doing. “Dear god what have I done? I’ve made you a prisoner. Again.” He had to speak in a voice loud enough for Mora to even hear. Cause Mora always refused to listen. Odo is returned to normal, Bashir has one actually good scene (“I never know with you, but I’ll perscribe rest, cause it’s hard to go wrong with that”), Mora and Odo make up, and episode ends. Good episode! I also like how Mora was modelled as a more… Complete Odo. He’s what Odo is trying to look like. Good Odo Lore.

Armageddon Game - DS9 9/10

IT’S AN EPISODE ABOUT ATOMIC WEAPONS! Bashir and O’Brien have been called to help out two aliens. They have a bunch of “Harvesters”, bio-weapons of mass destruction, and now that they’ve found peace they really REALLY wanna get rid of them cause holy shit they’re scary. So Bashir and O’Brien help develop a way to neutralize them. After 365 tests, and a lot of Bashir’s whinging, they find a way to neutralize them. But they can’t stop until ALL the vials of it are destroyed.

As they’re working on the last ones, some soldiers come in and attack. All the other scientists are killed, but Bashir and O’Brien manage to take them down in an action roll. The Harvester vial is destroyed in the attack, and a bit gets on O’Brien, oh no! They manage to escape back to the planet. Meanwhile, the ambassadors go to DS9 and let Sisko know that O’Brien accidentally set off a security alert that killed everyone onboard.

Yeah uh huh.

O’Brien and Bashir are hiding on the planet, Die Harding it, while the others watch a security recording of the death of O’Brien and Bashir. They have no reason to believe it was faked, understandably. BOTH ambassadors said it was legit. Though only one of the ambassador’s men were the ones who attacked.

Bashir and O’Brien have a very…. rocky relationship, and it is a little painful watching them. It’s very interesting to have characters in Trek who like, legit hate each other. At least, O’Brien fucking hates Bashir lol. Anyways O’Brien is infected, they’re alone, and no one is coming for them, cause Sisko is going to Keiko to tell her what happened. Welp. Watching everyone mourn is very interesting. ESPECIALLY Quark.

Good customers are like latinum. Treasure them.

Keiko looks at her husband’s death recording, which is weird I dunno if I could stomach watching something like that, and is like “UH THAT’S NOT MY HUSBAND. HE’S DRINKING COFFEE AT 3 IN THE AFTERNOON.” That’s adorable. Keiko knows her husband.

Bashir talks about his ex girlfriend and how much he liked her feet. I could have gone my entire life not knowing Bashir’s fetishes. O’Brien is talking Bashir through fixing the communicator in some very fun scenes. Them arguing, but more gently now, as Bashir takes care of him and O’Brien walks him through, and they argue about marriage.

O’Brien is the best wife guy.

Anyways turns out that BOTH ambassadors were in on this. They wanted to stop the Harvesters from EVER being used again. And that means killing everyone who could possibly build them. This is kinda stupid lol. But like I also get it. But it’s very stupid. Dax and Sisko rescue them just in time, and with some quick thinking, avoid death by doing some smoke and mirror tactics. There’s some last awkward moments with Bashir and O’Brien, and assumedly the Federation is going to war with these aliens. That prolly happens off screen though.

Whispers - DS9 9/10

Lots of O’Brien today. Our episode starts with him on a runabout, giving a log. Something is wrong. He’s being chased, and he doesn’t know by what… it all started when he got back from a mission, and people were acting…. weird. Molly and Keiko are up at 5:30 in the morning, and acting weirdly distant towards him. People are going over him, Sisko giving orders that supercede O’brien’s without telling him.

O’Brien had just come back from working with the Paradans, some aliens from the Gamma Quadrant who are going to be showing up soon, and he and Sisko go over stuff about them before O’Brien is dragged into a physical with Bashir. O’Brien is really grumpy, and is very sus of EVERYONE. TBF, he does catch a few people in a lie. Sisko claimed he was talking to Keiko about Jake’s grades, but his grades are fine…

The way everyone is acting gives me MASSIVE anxiety. Is it all in O’Brien’s head? Is everyone actually after him? He kisses Molly, who acts… weird about it. And he refuses to eat her cooking, cause her eyes…. weren’t her’s. Like she was maybe poisoning him. He doesn’t know if she WAS. But maybe. What they’re doing here, they’re doing very, VERY well IMO. It’s scary as hell to watch but I do like it.

O’Brien has a new ally! Odo is back from a mission, and he’s here to save the day. He’ll do an investigation, O’Brien just has to wait. O’Brien is bad at waiting. He Home Alones some traps, which is pretty great. But this is all getting to O’Brien, who basically ATTACKS Quark in paranoia.

So much for Odo. O’Brien begins Die Harding it through the station to the Rio Grande. You don’t try to out DS9 O’Brien. He uses the station against them. And there’s NO ONE he can trust anymore, not even Jake, who immediately gives away his position. He’s alone. He makes it to the Rio Grande and calls an Admiral, who seems to also be in on it. How deep is this conspiracy?! IS EVERYONE FULL OF STARFISH THAT NEED TO BE EXPLODED OUT OF THEM WITH MAX PHASERS?

He reaches the Paradans and finds out the answer. Apparently he was abducted, and replaced with a FUCKING REPLICANT, who was supposed to sabatoge the peace talks somehow. The Replicant didn’t know it. Everyone guessed O’Brien wasn’t REALLY himself, and was trying to like, keep an eye on him, restrict his access…. but this just made Fake O’Brien anxious, cause he totally thought he was himself. They kill him, kinda fucking… brutally, and then he grabs real O’Brien and goes “Tell Keiko… I love her”.

Like what the shit???? We’re never going to mention this again?! I dunno, I lvoed a lot of this episode but that part REALLY bothers me. It is really great though that they tried to Manchurian Candidate O’Brien but he’s so fucking good at his job he STILL was trying to stop the conspiracy even when he was a part of it. It also only works once. But the tension was A LOT. Very interesting episode.

Paradise - DS9 8.5/10

O’Brien and Sisko are off bonding and exploring some space to find a colony. I feel like the two most important men on DS9 prolly have other things they could do, they could send some redshirts for this, but okay. They find the colony is already full of humans, and beam down. O’Brien is like “weird, there’s no EM Spectum here at all”. My man, THEN HOW CAN YOU SEE?

If you can’t trust sci fi writers to know what the fuck the EM spectrum is.

Anyways they find themselves stuck on the planet where no technology works with some other people who were stranded ten years ago. They welcome O’Brien and Sisko with open arms, and they are… EXTREMELY Children of the Corn. Lots of smiley smiles and cult leader energy. But they’re not IMMEDIATELY like “you are stuck here and can never leave”. Some of them are like “Should we leave when their rescue team comes?” and they start a conversation of “BUT THIS IS OUR HOME”

I really hope this episode doesn’t end with Sisko and O’Brien forcing people to leave against their will cause that’d be fucking weird.

Nothing on the EM spectrum works, I guess, so they have a very Amish vibe. They’re not AGGRESSIVE against technology (though they do first attack Sisko with a bow. Like my guy, why go “WHO ARE YOU”, you know youre the only humans here). Or at least, MOST of them aren’t. They happily talk about it… unless they’re The Cult Leader, Alexis. She’s weird. She leaves these fucking gideon bibles in their god damn rooms full of her philosophy and ideology, and when Sisko is like “oh a woman is dying? I can help her when our rescue arrives” and she’s like “HOW DARE YOU. WE DON’T NEED YOUR MODERN MEDICINE. WE’VE CURED 17 DISEASES NATURALLY HERE” and Sisko is like “Damn that’s sick. Also while you’re here bragging about it a woman is dying.”

Lots of talk of “the community”. Very Child of the Corn. Pretty fucked up, intentionally. There’s a guy who stole a candle and they lock him in a fucking cage for a day and then he’s blubbering like “I AM SO SORRY I LET DOWN THE COMMUNITY”. If you crashland on a planet and it’s a struggle to survive… why is one of the things you enshrine in your philosophy PERSONAL OWNERSHIP? All to hold control over others. And then she sends someone to fuck Sisko to try and exert control over him. Welp.

This episode is really elevating Sisko because he is face to face with a power hungry cult leader, who likes and wants to exert control. And surrounded by her cult, who will side with her against him if she tells them to. And he does NOT give a shit. He WILL tell them, angrily, what is and is not fucked up.

All of this causes Sisko to be put in The Pear Wiggler.

And his 24 hours in a literal torture sweat box does not dim him, or his righteous anger. Good on you, Sisko. She’s like “Oh I WANT to give you water after your torture, but I CAN’T. I NEED you to work with me. Take off your uniform”. Obviously he does not. He literally limps directly back into the box and closes it behind him. So fucking good. Oh I forgot to mention, she also caused the Rio Grande to somehow fly into a sun to strand him. Cause two healthy young men would help The Community.

O’Brien maguivers a fucking compass out of some gum and some string and tracks down the source of the field, a generator. He managed to stop it and Uhura Maneuvers the fuck out of the town with his newly working phaser. The cult leader tries to Cult Leader it all, by telling them how WONDERFUL their lives are now that they follow HER and HER philosophies. Yeah! Also several people are dead! A young girl died in this episode. Y’know! For the community! And in the end, everyone stays. They arrest the cult leader and her son, but everyone else is like “BUT THIS IS OUR HOME” which is a little disappointing. But that is how cults work. Good final shot though of the kids staring at the box. The adults refuse to give up cultist beliefs, but the kids can change.

Good episode, mostly.

Shadowplay - DS9 9/10

In this episode, Dax and Odo are investigating a planet! It’s not as bad as Sisko and O’Brien going out. Odo and Dax is a very interesting combo though, they’ve like… NEVER interracted. And Odo prolly likes it that way, as Dax does a “and so SHE said SHE’S into HIM but HE likes THEM, and THEY are into-“ conversation and Odo is starting to wish his nonexisting ears didn’t work even more than they already don’t.

Odo and Dax beam down and are immediately accused of Murder and kidnapping disappearing colonists. But the guy, who’s acting is GREAT btw, talks to Odo and Dax for ten seconds and is like “nope. Okay no it’s not you.” and Odo IMMEDIATLEY goes into Cop Mode and offers to help. Good guy Odo.

Meanwhile we seem to have a B and C plot back on DS9. B plot is that Jake is working with O’Brien and apprenticing as an engineer (though he doesn’t seem thrilled about it). And the C plot is that Kira fucking hates Quark and she’s taking over Odo’s job of hounding him. And then the Good Pope shows up and flirts with her and it drags this episode down harrdddd

The Jake stuff is actually pretty good. I felt is felt out of place for this episode, but Jake doesn’t want to go into Star Fleet and lets it slip to O’Brien, who is Uncle O’Brien about the whole thing and gives him advice to tell his dad, and peps him up. Good guy O’Brien.

ODO DID THE COLUMBO “ONE MORE THING” THING, TAKE A DRINK! Also, Odo is really cute when he’s with kids.

Anyways they find out what’s wrong, how everyone is disappearing. Dax explains that everyone and everything in the colony is actually a hologram projection, and the hologram projector is breaking down, causing people to just… vanish. Odo and Dax convince the projections to let them shut dow nthe projector so they can try and fix it. And it’s TERRIFYING like, these people are innocent and nice. And the kid Odo befriends is so sweet, so you FEAR that they can’t bring them back. So they turn it off. And everyone disapepars… except for one old man.

This guy escaped the Dominion and made the program to make a hologram colony. But now, it’s over, and he wants them to take him back to the Dominion. Cause his family isn’t real. They’re just holograms, right? But Odo fights him on that. That little girl, his fake granddaughter, she would have thought she was real. She thinks, she feels. It’s a great scene.

The B and C plots clean up. Sisko accepts his son and is a good dad. Kira figures out WHY the pope visited. He’s making out with her and distracting her…. which is causing her to NOT pay attention to Quark Quarkin’ it up. She cuts THAT shit down real fast. Obviously it’s not the Pope’s fault. He was implicated, cause Quark just… made a few “suggestions”. I didn’t like this B plot, but like, GREAT conclusion. Kira thanks Quark for helping her get laid, and then arrests his cousin.

It works out in the end, and we get very sweet scenes. So many good scenes. Good acting. Good characters. Loved this episode. I’d give it a ten but like, I didn’t like any of the B plot until the conclusion so it doesn’t feel right.

Playing God - DS9 6.5/10

This episode starts with Bashir and a Trill getting off a transport. The Trill is an initiate, on the waiting list to be a Joined, and is assigned to train under Dax. He’s scared, cause Dax is supposed to be a hardass who’s killed many an initiate’s chances as becoming joined. But he’s nervous, and excited. And then he sees Dax for the first time.

Seeing your new mentor, someone who is everything you aspire to be, gambling with some Ferengis has gotta be a weird feeling. He then visits her the following day and she’s naked with some dude after doing some sports match and she just got out of the shower. I love Dax. She’s trashy while also not being trashy at all. She excitedly hops into rat extermination and tosses a stunned Cardassian Vole into this poor guy’s arms. Cardassian Voles eating Engineering and O’Brien and Kira exterminating them is the B plot btw.

O’Brien invents a sonicscrewdriver to stun them and ends up blasting away poor Quark.

THE KLINGON CHEF IS BACK! I love this fuckin’ guy. He flirts with Dax and she practically slaps his ass. Anyways, there’s some good character stuff here. When Jadzia was in the program, she was posted under Curzon, who was a Bad Drill Sergeant and gave her PTSD about the whole scenario, not recommending her for the program. She doesn’t want to be the reason this guy doesn’t get joined, but she doesn’t think he’s right for the program. He’s kind of arrogant, and also has no plans or ambitions, he just wants to be joined cause his dead dad beat it into his head.

She tries to tell him gently that nah man, this ain’t gonna do it, you ain’t it. Maybe work on it or you’ll be in trouble down the way, and he gets VERY defensive and end up attacking her, and attacking her character. Everyone in the call is ready to kill this man for attacking our perfect trashy trans woman.

There’s also a sub plot about some Space Seaweed they found which contains a mini universe that might end up exploding. They can’t contain it easily cause of the fucking voles, but the proto universe contains life so they don’t wanna just blow it up. Kira is like “we HAVE to kill it it’s us or them” Everyone else refuses, Odo is VERY pushing back against it. “Odo, it’s like stepping on ants!” “I don’t STEP ON ANTS, Major.” I love Odo.

The Trill Initiate saves the day by doing some fancy piloting thorugh the wormhole. They’re gonna drop the thing in the Gamma Quadrant. Let that be their problem, I guess. This is why there’s a war eventually. She gives him some confidence to continue on his path, and everything is all good.

This one was okay.

Profit and Loss - DS9 8/10

A Cardassian ship is nearby and in dire need of repairs. Three Cardassians (Two lady Cardassians, oh boy!) show up on a station that really does not welcome them. Who’d wanna be a Cardassian on DS9? Oh, hey Garak.

I saw Garak and literally screamed out “FUCK YEAH!!!”. I was popping the fuck off. I then apologized for being too loud but like, you get me, right? I wasn’t expecting him until season 3, when he becomes a regular. Seeing him at ALL is so good. Garak and Bashir are having a discussion on loyalty to the state vs loyalty to family.

Anyways one of the Cardassians apparently has history with Quark! He excitedly goes to see her, and she slaps the shit outta him. He pushes em into drinking with him anyway, but as soon as she sees Garak, she runs away. Turns out they’re political dissidents, basically rebels. And no one is sure if Garak will tell the Cardassians where the political fugitives are.

Garak essentially threatens Quark about… trends. Just fashion trends. Some fashion trends that might be an affront to the eyes. And the trends her FRIENDS are following might be bad, you see? Quark understands very clearly, and tries to help Natima, his ex. They had history, they were in love but he betrayed her for profit. He regrets it, and wants to make it up for her. She is very VERY clearly telling him to fuck off. Why is it whenever Quark is a creepy sex pest I don’t hate it?

By the way apparently this was inspired by Casablanca. There are worse things to be inspired by. I’ve never seen it but it seems good.

Anyways she shoots him. It doesn’t stick and she apologizes and confesses her love for him. It feels a little forced, but thats okay. He really wants her back in his life but she can’t abandon her students.

The stakes raise up. The three of them are arrested, because the Cardassians make a deal with the Bajoran government. Give them the prisoners to kill, and they get some Bajorans. Garak is also given a message: Kill them instead, and you are freed from exile. Odo and Quark team up and break them out, but they’re stopped by Garak.

GARAK’S HAND ISN’T GRAY, 0/10. Garak is betrayed by the person he was communicating with, he was NEVER going to be freed from Exile. So Garak fucking kills him, and lets them mosey on. Good job, Garak. Natima says goodbye to Quark with one last kiss, and we get our end.

Mostly a pretty fun episode! Does it do Casablanca justice? It’s good enough.

Profit and Loss - DS9 11/10

Quark calls in Odo cause a Klingon has paid for an hour in the holosuites but has been in there for three, drunk off his ass and fighting in a historical battle. Odo arrests him easily and locks him in the brig. Koloth comes in and wakes up the drunkard, who is Kor. These two names might be familiar to some of you. Koloth is NOT happy though, and storms off. Oh no.

Koloth, Kang, and Kor are from TOS! Here they’re well over a hundred, and they’re Dahar Masters. They’re here on a revenge mission, one they took many years ago… with Curzon Dax. Jadzia is here to answer that call.

THE THING! HE SAID THE THING!

The other Klingons are less reticent, but they eventually warm up to her. They know she has no real connection to the revenge blood oath, being a new person. She’s shakey on it, cause killing someone is… SCARY. Kira also advises her not to, but she wants to. She has to.

Anyways so we got three Klingons here. Koloth, Kang, and Kor. They’re all enemies of Kirk’s from TOS, from different episodes. They’re VERY differently portrayed here, obviously. Klingons have evolved a LOT since TOS. So we’ve got Kor, who is jovial and kinda senile. Koloth, who is serious and grumpy. And Kang, who is practical and strong willed. They’re all very likable, and seeing glimpses into not only who they are now, but their legend. Their history. And also glimpses into how Curzon related to them, his experience as a diplomat to the Klingons, and his brotherhood with them.

They’re all anxious to bring her with them, but she goes to each of them in turn and TEARS THEM DOWN. She battles Koloth and shows him she can stand with the rest of them, even though she loses the fight. She makes Kor cry about what he’s become, and we get an AMAZING line. “I was one less than you see now, and more than I have become.” And he tears Kang down by angering him, like she did during diplomatic talks 80 years ago.

After a lot of planning (and Dax disobeying a direct order), they make their way to the Albino’s compound. With Dax’s quick thinking and science skillset, she gets rid of all the traps set by the Albino to kill them. And then we get the best fucking image ever.

This is a metal album cover. The battle is long, and hard. Koloth dies first. Kor and Kang are injured, but they manage to kill the child killer, Kang also sucumbs to his wounds. It is… a good day to die. But never a good day to lose a friend. The murder isn’t a happy one. But it’s one that had to be done.

This is one of the best episodes ever. I fucking love this episode. I didn’t write as much cause I was too busy watching it. Fucking amazing episode.

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The Maquis, Part 1 - DS9 9/10

Our episode starts with Dax and Kira being catty with each other. Just kiss, you two. Anyways they’re having a conversation about the kinda men they’re into, apparently ones with see-through brains, when a Cardassian ship suddenly fucking explodes while leaving DS9. Whoops. After some examination, they determine that there was foul play, AND it looks like the Federation has something to do with it.

At the same time, we’re introducing three new characters. We’ve got a Commander who’s here with the federation supporting some illegal settelers in the Cardassian/Federation DMZ. We’ve also got this nervous guy lookin’ like Barclay, and we have a Vulcan working with him who is making some kind of deal with Quark, who immediately wants to get in her pants, cause it’s Quark.

Oh hey DUKAT IS HERE! I trust him implicitly, he’s so nice!! God he’s so good. Intimidating while trying to appear SO friendly. He’s here to tell Sisko what’s going on, and who truly destroyed that ship. “Why, you did. Well okay, not YOU. But Humans, you know.” It’s so fun to see the two of them, Sisko and Dukat, being catty at each other. “Joy is weakness. I took you as the least Joyless Human I’ve met, commander, I thought you’d understand!” “I AM joyless when I’m with you”. The two of them go out to the DMZ to see what’s up, and find some Cardassians firing on Federation merchants. Dukat is PISSED. “ANSWER THIS HAIL OR I WILL PERSONALLY FIRE THE PHOTONS THAT WILL END YOUR LIFE.” God damn, Dukat is good.

Quark is coming on really hard to this Vulcan lady. Look Quark, I’m into kuudere as much as you are but you’re pushing this really hard for me, and I hate watching the two of them. The weak point of the episode for sure. I think he’ll at least stop this shit after she admits she’s here to buy guns, and he’s like “oh you are not a normal Vulcan.”

Things heat up. The Barclay lookin’ dude was captured and admitted to terrorist actions against the Cardassians. He admitted “without any coersion”. Oh and then he killed himself in his cell. Holy shit. By the way, Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself. Anyways this is VERY fascinating political drama. You don’t know which side is right or wrong or lying or telling the truth because both are in the right here AND in the wrong, there is no black and white. I think it’s good that they showed this dead Barclay dude actually doing what looked like terrorism and his accomplice getting weapons, otherwise this’d be more black and white.

This Commander, Cal Hudson, is whispering in Sisko’s ears about the terrible lives these colonists are living. The Federation made a treaty that moved the borders and pujt the colony in Cardassian land, and they’re complainign the Federation abandoned them. That they should defend themselves. But they can’t just LEAVE now!! THEY’VE LIVED HERE FOR YEARS.

OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER BE SENTIMENTAL FOR THIS ARGUMENT. YOU LIVE IN A SOCIALIST UTOPIA WITH A GIANT GALAXY, YOU CAN LIVE ANYWHERE. MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND GET KILLED BY A CRYSTAL ENTITY.

Sisko at least isn’t having any of it. He’s not very sentimental either. He and Kira have an argument, cause she knows what it’s like living under the Cardassians. I understand that but the episode literally says these people can leave, and they have Federation staff there to help.

Ah fuck Dukat’s been kidnapped by the colonists. As everyone is scrambling to find otu what happened, they get a message from them, calling themselves The Maquis. Sisko, Kira, and Bashir make their way to where the Maquis are hiding and are immediately captured by… Ben’s Commander friend, Cal! What a twist!

Good first part. The ONLY issue was Quark being TOO horny. It was also unneccesary.

The Maquis, Part 1 - DS9 8.5/10

Jumpin’ back into it, Cal Hudson is the leader of the Maquis, terrorists. He tries to get Sisko, his ol’ buddy, to join him. Sisko is very very VERY not into this. So like, usually, I’m on the side of like, freedom fighter terrorists here. The Bajorans were doing what they could. These guys are grumpy cause they were told to move, and declared that nobody likes me, everyone hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms, and also bomb both the Cardassians AND the Federation and start a war to get back at them. At least they just stun Ben and the others and let them leave.

For some reason Sisko does NOT tell the Federation that Cal is actually the leader of the Maquis. Hmm.

Ooh, they found out Quark was working with the Vulcan! He immediately confesses and is thrown in jail. According to Sisko, forever. Poor Quark. Sent to horny jail. Also, the leader of the Cardassian Central Command shows up to admit that yes, some central command peoples were smuggling weapons to Cardassians in the DMZ who were harassing the Humans, but they did those without authorization! Cardassia would NEVER want to do this! It was ALL Dukat! Yeah uh huh. This leader flat out says “stop trying to go after Dukat, for what he’s done we don’t want him back”. Sisko decided to go after him anyway.

Good scenes with Dukat. God he’s so fun. Sisko and the others come in to save the day, trying to do it peacefully, and Dukat ruins that because of course he does by starting a fucking fight.

So I like this a lot because even though the Maquis are NOT in the right, and are bad, and it does show Cardassians in a more positive light, it’s still… y’know, the Cardassians. They’re fascists. They put on trials even though they know what the outcome will be, just because its bread and circuses. And even though Dukat did NOT know that the Cardassians were breaking the treaty, well, he’s mostly pissed they used him as a scapegoat and didn’t let him in on it. Still, he wants them to help him with the Maquis, and he’ll help them with the Central Command.

This is one of the best scenes in all of Star Trek. Quark out logics a Vulcan. It’s so good.

“They have weapons, you have weapons – everyone has weapons, but right now, no one has a clear advantage! So the price of peace is at an all-time low. This is the perfect time to sit down and hammer out an agreement. Don’t you get it? Attacking the Cardassians now will only make peace more expensive in the long run! Now, I ask you, is that logical?”

Ben brings one last warning to the Maquis, and one last plea to stop, so there’ll be no more bloodshed. But they’re so riled up and so bloodthirsty that they refused to do this without making people suffer, no matter who it is. And so a fight begins. In the end, there’s no real casualties, and everyone escapes, but they do protect the depot. Everyone congratulates Sisko for preventing a war. Did he? Or did he just delay the inevitable?

Still really good, and that Quark scene is perfect.

The Wire - DS9 10/10

THE BOY IS BACK!! God we are blessed with THREE Garak episodes this season. I’d watch a show that’s just a slice of life with Garak and Bashir arguing and talking like it’s Waiting for Godot but with a Human and a Cardassian. They’re arguing about literature while waiting in line, and Garak is a little more grumpy than usual today. Bashir immediately noticed clammy skin and dilated eyes, telling us he knows the feeling of Garak’s skin and looks into his eyes a lot, as we all knew. Garak gets annoyed at Bashir trying to drag him to the infirmary and runs off.

Dax says it’s understandable that Garak is standofish. They’re not REALLY friends, right? “Pff, yeah. We’re not FRIENDS. It’s not like I love him a LOT.” says Bashir. Oh sorry, my DS9 fanfic slipped in here. But that’s basically a direct quote from the episode anyway.

Quark seems to be doing some deals with Garak, as well. And then the next day he calls in Bashir to get his boyfriend out of his fucking bar, cause Garak is drunk as fuck to numb the pain.

This episode is making this way too easy for me.

Anyways Garak passes out, and it turns out he has a brain implant that’s causing him issues. He tries to get Quark to get him a new one, and Quark contacts an old friend. After giving him the details on it, his friend is pretty much immediately placed under arrest. Whoops. Bashir gets the information out of him: it’s a device meant to make him immune to torture. When in pain, it gives him pleasure endorphins. But it’s never meant to be used nonstop. And he’s had it on nonstop since he’s been here.

This is GOOD. And then Garak tells a story about him when he was in the military, and his aide, Elim. He followed military orders and killed a bunch of civilians, and his aide, but was thrown under the bus for it and exiled. And Bashir flat out goes “I don’t give a shit what you might have done in the past. Right now you’re in pain. And I’m going to help you with that.” And when Odo comes knocking, thinking he might have been with the Obsidian Order, Bashir tells him to fuck off. This alone justifies Bashir’s existence. It’s perfect. He’s so good here. And he’s wish Garak the entire time as he’s trying to help.

And then we have Garak trying to win a fucking oscar, as he admits he lied. He didn’t kill those civilians. He let them go. They were CHILDREN. And thus he was exiled. He claims it was only cause he was hungry and cold and wanted to be done, but we know… and he’s so tortured that he’s convinced himself both of it, and of the fact that he deserves it. He was exiled, and his aide, Elim, was DISGUSTED with him.

A third telling of the events. The truth, this time. Elim wasn’t his aide, but his friend. And he tried to betray him to save his ass. But Elim betrayed him first, and now Garak is suffering. Not because of any of the reasons they claimed they exiled him for, but fgor betraying his closest friend, his brother. And now he wants someone to just… forgive him. Julian does, and as Garak has only a few days to live, and Julian goes to the one person who can save him.

Tain was the leader of the Obsidian Order for years, and while he’s retired, he’s still in the business of knowledge, and knows exactly why Bashir is here. He also greatly admires Bashir for being a brash mother fucker who’d do this just to save a life. And he WILL help. Because it’s the right thing to do. Garak DESERVES to live a long life, suffering, surrounded by those who fucking hate him. Oh yes, and Elim? Oh, that’s Garak’s first name.

HE SAID THE THING.

This is an all timer. Perfect episode.

Crossover - DS9 8.5/10

There’s a truly painful scene where Julian and Kira are having some conversation and it’s painful and I hate it. But then shit goes wrong as they enter the wormhole. I’m sure this’ll be fine. As they leave the wormhole, DS9 is in the wrong spot, orbiting Bajor, and Klingons board to capture them, but are IMMEDIATELY terrified of Kira. As they’re back on the station, they are confronted by Garak and Mirror Kira, in her sexy swanky outfit.

Julian is sent to suffer in ore processing, while Kira has a conversation with Mirror Kira. So, this is a sequel to Mirror Mirror. Kirk influenced Mirror Spock back then, who tried to do reforms and make the Evil Universe Good… he failed. He just made the Terran Empire weak, and they were conquered by the Cardassian Klingon Alliance. Now Mirror Kira is in command of Terok Nor, Gul Garak is 2nd in command, Odo is a slave driver in the mines down below, Quark is a subservient wimp at the bar who’s smuggling slaves across to the other side. Mirror O’Brien is a slave who’s overworked and treated like dirt (so not EVERYTHING is different), and Mirror Sisko is Mirror Kira’s sex slave. And that sets the scene.

Mirror Kira is presented as sick, twisted. Kira’s actress is having SO much god damn fun as a twisted mother fucker. She’s “sweet” and “empathetic”. She understands Quark’s pain in trying to save the Terrans, after all, SHE’S in pain seeing them too. But who else will do the slave labor? So she has Quark executed, as quickly and painlessly as possible of course. Oh and she’s a depraved bisexual because QUEER CODING! She’s SO deprived she wants to fuck HERSELF! I like Mirror Kira here because she’s a good contrast to our world’s Dukat, too.

There’s lots of political intrigue as well as just, showing characters be twisted. Garak offers to let them escape if Kira pretends to be Mirror Kira and give him power. Uh huh. I trust him implicitely. During the night things are supposed to happen, a thorium leak happens, just like O’Brien said it would.

BASHIR MURDERS ODO. He fucking EXPLODES. Odo is a fine mist, take a drink??? Anyways O’brien tries to help to get a better life on the other side of the wormhole, but they’re caught. Kira had tried getting through to Mirror Sisko, and it paid off, as he starts a revolution and saves the day. They manage to escape, and all is good.

It’s just a good episode. Mirror episodes are wild fun.

The Collaborator - DS9 6/10

Our episode starts with Vedek Bareil talking to an Orb. In his dream he sees a priest hanging from a rope, and his lover, Kira, playing tennis. Kira helps him get the corpse down, who she explains is his corpse. And then he gets out of the Orb Dream. More fucking Orbs. I’m not big on Vedek Bareil any time he shows up, or the religious stuff. It’s just eh. Trek is bad at straight flirting. I miss Garak and Bashir. And Kira and…. Kira.

It’s also usually bad because seeing him means we see Vedek Winn as well. She’s a piece of shit rightwing religious fundie and I FUCKING hate her holy shit she is so good at acting her place. Also while the two of them are on the station, a guy, “Secretary Kubus”, returns, saying it was time to finally come home. He’s immediately under arrest for collaborating.

So this episode is half this collaborator, and half Bareil having Orb Dreams where he’s Kai, and being given gifts of nooses and snakes by the prophets, and Winn trying to do her Winn bullshit. And the other half is this collaborator trying to return to Bajor to die while everyone fucking hates him cause he was #4 in the occupational government. Guess he can’t just escape to Argentina, huh?

Turns out Winn has VERY close interest in Kubus. Years ago there was a massacre, and Vedek Bek, a high ranking priest, was claimed responsible for collaborating and causing the massacre. Now Kubus claims that Bareil was the REAL ringleader, and Winn is offering him asylum if he confeses and gets Bareil arrested. What a mother fucking surprise.

“One thing I have learned from watching you humanoids is that in extreme circumstances, the best of you are able to do horrible things” - Good Odo quote.

Odo and Kira are sleuthing their way through the station to find out what happened. They explore the records of that era, find them sealed. They unseal them using Quark’s help, find them deleted. They find out who deleted it, and find it was Bareil. Dun dun dun!

Also in all of Bareil’s dreams, Opaka keeps showing up. The last time we see her. I miss her. She was a good Space Pope. Bareil ends up resigning from the election of next Space Pope, basically giving Winn the win.

This is the worst timeline. I hate it. I hate the Space Pope. Also someone in my chat said “Do you think Kai Winn has girl power” and I hate it here.

Anyways the truth come out. Kai Opaka was the collaborator, who sold out her own son and 42 resistance members because if she didn’t, they would have killed everyone in that valley. And as Bareil is the last person who knows this, he’s protecting her memory by not telling anyone and accepting the blame.

Okay. Episode is fine, whatever. I EXTREMELY disagree with Bareil’s decision here. It’s respectibility politics. To him, it’s more important that he protect Opaka’s name than stop Donald Trump Winn from being elected Pope President. That is not a good trade. That is a fucking Gamestop trade. And she sacrificed her son, and 40, for the needs of the many. THis is TERRIBLE. He KNOWS what Winn is capable of. But no. Protecting Opaka’s memory is more important. Absolutely god awful, and has TERRIBLE ramifications down the line, one of the worst decisions in DS9.

The Tribunal - DS9 7.5/10

This is an O’Brien episode! And this is the first O’Brien episode where nothing bad happens to him at all who am I kidding

O’Brien is going on vacation and he’s a worrywart so he’s running over everything with everyone and they’re angry and pissy at him cause ohoho O’Brien is SUCH a worrywart! Then he runs into an old war buddy but has to run off cause of his vacation, though we see his buddy recorded the message. Huh that’s creepy. Anyways while flirting poorly with his wife, O’Brien’s ship is attacked by the Cardassians and they kidnap him, claiming he’s done some kinda crime. What follows is a really graphic scene as he’s dragged into prison and mishandled.

As mentioned in a previous episode, on Cardassia, trials are determiend beforehand, and then the trail is carried out mostly to make the populace feel good watching the trial. And this entire time NO ONE will tell O’Brien what he even did.

Meanwhile, Odo pulls some strings and lets himself into the trial, which is exciting cause I love Odo and seeing him do investigation stuff. At the same time, they discover a voice log in the weapons locker that proves O’Brien was beaming weapons out of it so he could smuggle em to the Marquis. That guy earlier DEEPFAKED HIS VOICE. God, this episode called that that’d be an issue huh?

The trial begins, and Odo proves he’s one of the best characters by IMMEDIATELY going against the court to call them out on bullshit. They refuse to accept his evidence of the deepfake, because of course they do.

All of this is a MASSIVE sham. His assigned defense attorney is constantly pushing him to confess cause that’s his job, that’s what he does. He’s one year from retirement, and he’s “the best”, cause he can always convince people to confess, and confessions are good for TV.

Turns out this old friend was a Cardassian spy, a spy implanted to pretend to be Human. Sisko shows up with this spy and the judge IMMEDIATELY pulls a 180 like “oh because we are so kind we will let this human go free aren’t we generous”, because she knew they could humiliate the government.

Episode was good

The Jem’Hadar - DS9 8/10

Sisko wants to have a father son camping trip kinda deal in the Gamma Quadrant, studying some planets. Jake invites Nog, which annoys Sisko, and Quark invites HIMSELF along because he wants to get closer to Sisko (to convince him to let him advertise all over the station), which annoys EVERYONE. This is gonna be a nice pleasant no troubles camping trip, I’m sure!

Sisko gushes about how pretty the planet is and Quark gushes about how he wants to strip mine it. I wonder why these two don’t get along.

I honestly think Sisko woulda loved this camping trip if it was just Nog and Jake, he would have come around and enjoyed it. But Quark is a thing. Anyways Jake and Nog run off after Sisko insults Quark, and then a random woman shows up chased by some terrifying creatures, the Jem’Hadar, who capture all three of them.

The woman explains she’s Eris, and is being hunted by the Jem’Hadar, part of The Dominion, who are set up as a scary horrifying alien race. And wow they are MUCH better at it than the Ferengi were when THOSE were set up as a big bad race in season one of TNG. The Jem’Hadar talk to Sisko, and make it VERY clear they know EVERYTHING about the other side of the wormhole, and are going to enforce their territory. They also mention.. THE FOUNDERS, the true leaders of the Dominion. I’m sure that’s important.

The Jem’Hadar show up, beam directly onto the command center, threaten everyone to stay the fuck out of the Dominion’s side of the wormhole, or we will kill you EXACTLY like how we killed the Bajoran colony that was being settled there. And then the Jem’Hadar walks straight out of the containment field and beams away. FUCK they are good at being menacing. And like, so the Jem’Hadar are soldiers. But they’re not… ineloquent. They are well aware of what’s going on, speak calmly and well, and are also scary as fuck.

Also there’s a great scene where Quark goes “I realize why Humans hate Ferengi. It’s cause we remind you of what you used to be like. Greedy and opportunistic. But you don’t understand. WE never had slavery, internment camps, or colonialism. We’ve always been better than you.”

The Federation sends the remaining runabouts and a big-ass Galaxy class, like the Enterprise, to rescue Quark and Sisko. Unfortunately the Gem Hadar were NOT bluffing, and use some kind of Polaron bullshit to attack, weakening it. The not-enterprise tries to retreat, and the Jem’Hadar then do a kamikaze attack and blow it the fuck up. We basically just watched the Enterprise explode.

Quark proves Eris was a spy who’s just there to spy on them, and she beams away easily, threatening that they don’t know what’s begun. Sisko claims he WILL be ready for them.

Good episode, sets up stuff in a nice way.

SEASON THOUGHTS:

Yo this shit is good. Like, ever since the Klingon episode, this has been AMAZING onstop. So excited for season 3.