LizstarTrek - Enterprise Season 3 episodes 1-2

Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of these episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

IT’S BEEN A LOOOOONG ROOOOOAAAD

Welcome to season 3. Berman and Braga will be taking the backseat… but not yet, sadly.

The Xindi - ENT 2.5/10

We get a scene to start with a council of a bunch of aliens, many very different designs. I like em! They’re like WE MUST FIND AND STOP THE HUMANS.

And then we get the theme song and what the fuck?? They completely changed the instrumentation. It was apparently made more upbeat and chipper. It’s a weird guitar, and the voicework sounds like they isolated it from the original recording so it’s weird as shit, almost like it’s missing some tones. But either way, why the FUCK would you want to make this more upbeat and chipper? It’s a fucking 9/11 allergory, what the shit are you doing

Okay, a few important notes. 1) Archer is weirdly grumpy and angry. Joy. And 2) There are some new characters!! MARINES. Yep, Archer asked for some marines to come on board. They’re fine enough for now, but god. This shit is 9/11 vibes, isn’t it?? Military, oh boy. That goes so well with Starfleet. They’re members of MACO, the Military Assault Command Operations.

They get a meeting with some miner foreman. He appears to snort liquid platinum, and wants it in exchange to talk to a Xindi that works in the mines. The Xindi comes up and is like “Yeah uh, we’re treated like slaves here. Get me out of here, and I’ll tell you my planet’s coordinates.” Trip attacks him. I am very much not looking forward to a season of angsty angry Trip and Archer. Anyways the Foreman betrays them and locks them down there, but the Xindi works with them to help them get out.

He explains that there are five distinct species of Xindi, which all look different. And none are dominant over the others, but there are arguments. Phlox mentioned that the DNA was weird. His DNA, this human-like one, is related to the lizard corpse they found, but not 100%. Weird. I don’t think thats how that works.

The escape plan fails, but they’re rescued by THE MARINE! RAH RAH! LOTS of people die in the process. We even get a girl marine fighting someone! Holy shit what? Anyways the Xindi is shot just outside the ship, which Neli called and got VERY angry that she was right about.

They treat this guy like shit, go “WE’RE GONNA LEAVE YOU BEHIND” after he’s annoying and tries to throw them under the bus to save his own skin. Dude he’s your only lead. Anyways, he gives the coordinates before he dies. Okay.

Oh no. Ohhh no. Oh no oh no oh no. They’re gonna push this romance aren’t they? She uh, teaches him some Klingon Neuropressure… in order to try and help him sleep. But it’s clearly sexual and romantic and I am going to fucking scream. Why DOES EVERY WOMAN IN SPACE WANT TO FUCK THIS FUCKING GUY

JUST PUT T’POL AND ARCHER TOGETHER FOR GOD’S SAKE. IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THE CORRECT THING AND PUT HER AND HOSHI TOGETHER.

The episode ends with the Insect Xindi being overly aggressive. Of course they’re the aggressive ones.

I don’t like this. A very, VERY bad omen.

Anomaly - ENT 3.5/10

Enterprise suddenly gets the shit beat out of it by some anomalies. Apparently there are some weird anomalies in the expanse that break the laws of physics. Are they ever gonna be explained? I highly doubt it. They limp along and find an alien ship that has no atmosphere and no biosigns. Archer, Reed, and some nameless marines go aboard. They find corpses. Two days ago. Whatever killed them is still nearby.

Aliens come aboard and attack. It then becomes a bunch of action sequences, of Enterprise characters trying to stop the pirates who are attacking. The pirates steal a bunch of cargo before teleporting out, though one of them is stunned and captured.

Archer is still a weirdly angy little pissant, acting kinda pissy towards T’Pol. He goes down to talk to the pirate they captured. He’s like “you can’t torture me for the info, you’re too soft. You have too much morals” and Archer goes “There’s too much at stake. I don’t have time for morals.” Don’t like that. Really do not like that. This ain’t gonna be no In The Pale Moonlight.

Enterprise chases the pirates, and finds a weird anomaly. Inside of it, they find some kind of giant manmade object. A giant sphere in space. They take a shuttle inside, finding a big door, and find some tubes moving large energy through, as well as some ports with breathable atmosphere inside. They find the pirate’s stash inside, with all the stolen shit and a bunch of other stuff which they take.

Archer continues to be EXTREMELY fucking angry. He realizes the prisoner might know anything about the Xindi, and fucking screams at him, drags him to the airlock, and almost kills him. The prisoner then gives him all the info he wants about his pirate friends and the Xindi. Torture! It works!

Do you all like those episodes where the captain you know and love gets really angry and become Ahab-y? How about a whole mother fucking season of that? Now, since the show has really constant continuity, this MIGHT turn out to be something good in the long run, as Archer realizes he can’t lose his humanity for this. But uh, I fucking hate this. I didn’t even like Archer that much to be honest? He’s already my least favorite captain, I think, but this is pretty bad, frankly.

The codes and info he gets works, and they defeat the pirate, so they let the captive go. The captive mocks them about it. Alright dude. The episode ends with data they downloaded from the pirates flashing across Archer’s face as he looks at a screen. How the fuck could you get ANY information from that?

This is not making me confident about the season.