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What a fascinating little game. This is Noobow, released by Irem in 1992 on the Gameboy exclusively in Japan. It’s actually a licensed game, based on a short-lived chocolate mascot. So short lived, in fact, that very little information can be found about him on the English speaking internet, except for this game. This is what Noobow is. He’s eclipsed his license, and become something far, far more.

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Noobow is a cute little blob design, very delightful to kids I’m sure, and this is VERY MUCH a kid’s game. It’s baby’s first puzzle platformer, basically. Noobow walks around, in a kinda stilted way like he’s on a grid, and can pick up objects he finds lying around. He can then use these items in certain context sensitive spots. Things like using buckets to catch water, parachutes to fall down, shovels to dig, nothing too complex.

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The story, as it were, is that Noobow is basically… wandering around. Having a time. Just a little adventure. He’s helping people out in each chapter, usually animals, but it ends with fucking Santa Claus, which is VERY funny because I was playing this RIGHT after Christmas and had no idea, so it blindsided me a bit. You’ve gotta help Santa find lost presents, help a mole with a plumbing problem, simple cutesy little things like that.

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I’mma be real with you, there’s really not much to this game. For a game by Irem, the makers of R-Type and Metal Storm, this is pretty juvenile and simple. But it’s not BAD. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It’s certainly good for little kids playing their gameboy on trips. It gives some nice puzzle brainy stuff, even if it’s not too much. If Noobow would fall to his death, he’ll shake his head instead. There’s no combat, no way to lose. It’d be extremely distressing to see Noobow lose combat and fucking die, so I’m glad for that, honestly. Noobow is kind of barely a game, but it’s one that has its charm.