I never really got into comics. I mean, I got into MANGA, especially yuri, but not really comics, y’know? And yet, despite that, I’ve always been a fan of the X-Men. I wore out my X-Men VHS tapes as a kid, and strangely, the story of a disenfranchized group of people resonated with me, and still does to this day! But despite that, I’ve never really gotten into comics.

Comics are EXTREMELY varied, I know that much. It all depends on the writers and artists that day, really. There are highs, and there are lows. And I dunno if I’m gonna finish this, or even get far, but I’mma do my best to read all the X-Men comics I can. Cause why the hell not? Seems like a good place to start if I wanna get into comics.

But if I wanna get started, where do I ACTUALLY start? And what order do I read the comics in? If I wanted to read every single possible X-Men comic, it would be… a lot. A loooot. Do I read the standalone comics about just one character? Like, do I read all eight billion standalone Wolverine comics that have NOTHING to do with the rest of the X-Men? Luckily for me, there are a lot of lists out there by nerds who’ve done the reading and are making suggestions. Unlucky for me, most of them do not agree with each other.

For the sake of making things easier for me, I’m just following the list here: https://ultimatexmenreadingorder.com/ This has the rule that for it to count, it’s about the team. So at least three members of the team have to show up. This does mean I’ll have to read SOME of the solo series but not every single issue of Deadpool cause he was on the team for like 5 days or whatever. Though apparently there are a few issues in this list that don’t actually involve the X-Men but are important on a lore basis for understanding what the fuck is going on, so I guess I appreciate that one.

This project is daunting, but very interesting for me. I do really like the X-Men, but my experience has been through cultural osmosis and through watching the movies, mostly. And a few episodes of the show as a kid over and over on VHS, which is why Jubilee is my favorite member of the X-Men :3. But this is why the other day I was talking to my boyfriend about the X-Men and I went “who the fuck is Mr. Sinister that name is very dumb”.

I am doing my studying, and by the end of this, I am sure I will be a MASTER of X-Menology. Or I will crash and burn. Only time will tell. But let’s get started!

The X-Men #1 - September 1963 4/10

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The introduction to the X-Men is an extremely simple silver-age comic. To be fair, it has to introduce all of the X-Men, and uh, it TRIES to do that, I guess. It introduces us first to Charles Xavier, or Professor X, the leader of the group. He runs a school for gifted kids who are actually Mutants, which in this are basically just people with super powers. He has mind reading and can speak over long distances into people’s minds, which he usually just uses to yell at his students to get to class already, which is kinda funny.

This comic introduces the five members of the team, which are:

1) Hank McCoy, the Beast. One of my all time favorite X-Men, he’s practically unrecognizable here. He’s a big goofball brute who forces kisses on women and is kinda The Big Dumb Guy of the group. He’s also, notably, just Human looking but with big hairy hands and feet. I immediately do not like him here, I can’t wait for him to get better.

2) Bobby Drake, Ice Man. He’s the wise cracking teen of the group with something to prove. He’s notable cause while all the other members of the team wear super suits or whatever, he’s just a walking snowman in boots. ALSO while every other member here is flirting with Jean Gray, he notably doesn’t care and constantly makes fun of them about it. I’m sure that won’t mean anything down the line.

3) Slim Summers, Cyclops. Yes, Slim. He’s kind of serious, no-nonsense. Not a lot of personality here, generic heroics. Honestly, he’s pretty accurate to how I picture Cyclops now.

4) Warren Worthington, The Angel. He’s also kind of serious and no-nonsense, but a bit more cocky. Honestly I also found him kind of boring, but I’ve never really cared about Angel much.

5) Jean Grey, Marvel Girl. God, I forgot they called her Marvel Girl. She seems like a nice proper girl but has a bit of a girlboss streak, y’know, for 1963. When Beast plants an unwanted kiss on her cheek she fucking swings him around in the air like a ragdoll. Go Jean. She’s the newest member of the team, joining in the middle after an invitation from Xavier.

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The comic is as follows: Every member is introduced, doing some exercises for their eventual goal of protecting mankind, then we’re introduced to the villain, Magneto. Xavier believes some mutants will use their powers for evil so he’s training mutants to help stop them, and sure enough, “the first of the evil mutants shows themselves”. His plan is… confusing. He goes to a random military base and fucks with their missile launches for like, a week. I guess they’re just randomly launching missiles out of this New York military base, was that normal in the 60s??? After he gets bored of that, he walzes in and goes “This is my base now, I will use it to start the revolution where I rule the world”. He also declares himself Homo Superior, which means that whole thing started instantly, which is neat.

The X-Men hear of this and go to save the day. After a few pages of fighting, of which basically only Cyclops can do anything to him and Jean does literally nothing (this might become a theme), Magneto gets away. The general there congratulates them and they fly back home on what appears to be a commercial airline.

For an introduction, it’s…. fine. There’s some typos which is wild, the art is whatever, and the characters are annoying to boring, but like, I dunno. Could get good eventually.

The X-Men #2 - November 1963 6/10

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In this issue we’re introduced to the strongest villain the X-Men have ever had to face… THE VANISHER! He uh, he vanishes. He can teleport, that’s his power. He uses this to rob a bank and then disappear with the money before they can arrest him. He also uses this to grab some defense plans and threatens to sell them to the commies. He looks absolutely ridiculous.

This comic is, once again, half them dealing with the villain, half them training. This time they have the Danger Room, though. Over all I liked this a bit more. The banter was a little more on point, very silver age but fun enough, and while the villain is very goofy…. he’s very goofy. And I like that.

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He defeats them easily by just… leaving with the thing he was stealing. And then when he shows up again he’s easily beaten by Xavier, who uses his mind powers to make him forget who he is, and that he even has powers. Wow, that’s fucked up!

This issue also introduces three important things and reinforces one last one. One, after the last issue, the X-Men have become super famous, and have groupies. There’s some people who don’t trust them cause they’re hiding their identities, but there’s no real angst about Mutants yet. Two, Angel is SUPER popular with the ladies. Three, he and Jean seem to have a thing going on. And finally Four, the X-Men LOVE to fight with each other, and don’t seem to like each other very much.

Tales of Suspense #49 - January 1964 N/A

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I have ALREADY run into a problem with this X-Men chronology I’m following. This recommends I read this, Tales of Suspense #49. That’s Iron Man’s comic, and is the first time an X-Man meets another super hero. In this case it’s Angel. I uh, I could not find this issue for uh, rent. And I’m not buying it for 400 fucking dollars online. So I just read a plot summary.

Very stupid, from what it sounds like. The Angel is flying back to the mansion right over a Stark weapons facility right as Stark is testing some nuclear explosions. Stark tries to warn him but the explosion turns Angel evil for some reason, and then Stark has to try and stop him from joining the evil mutants. This ends with him deciding he needs to prove there’s still good in Angel by nearly killing himself and causing the Angel to snap out of it and save him. Xavier promises to help Iron Man down the way for helping an X-men, the end.

Probably important lore wise and historically (AND its my first “two heroes must fight for dumb reasons” crossover!) but uh, doesn’t sound like a very exciting story! Honestly I hear that Iron Man kinda sucked back then.

The X-Men #3 - January 1964 5/10

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The theme of this comic is exaggeration. While in the first few books, no one really had much of a character beyond arguing with each other and fawning over Jean, here it’s expanded ever so slightly. We will slowly take these characters and stretch their character so that they’re something more unique and recognizable, I’m sure.

Unfortunately, this issue DOES still hyper focus on everyone being into Jean. Including Professor X, which creeps me the fuck out. Even Iceman can’t resist her wiles. I know this wasn’t exactly written for women in mind, but I can’t help but read this and go “eurgh”.

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The two winners here for characterization are Cyclops and Beast. Cyclops was always kind of a stick in the mud, but they REALLY cement it here. He’s downright surly, and he’s the first character to be like “yo maybe having these mutant powers blows”. The closest we got before was Angel going “I have to wear a binder to hide my wings and that hurts”. Oh also important, Cyclops has a new name! He was called Slim Summer for the first two issues, but here he’s called Scott. Much better.

Then we have the Beast. Before this issue, the Beast was kind of the bumbling strong dumb guy. He hits on women, he’s goofy. He’s still got a bit of that, but they cement something else about him: he’s a book lover and considers himself a sophisticant.

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See? Now THIS is character.

The plot as it were is that the X-Men are looking for new Mutants and Xavier senses one. They find him at the local carnival, a man named The Blob. His mutant power is he cannot be moved or hurt in any way. They invite him back to their mansion to test him to see if he wants to join the X-Men. He’s kind of an asshole, but frankly they’re all rude to him too, ESPECIALLY Scott. Lots of calling him fat. Ha ha, did you know he’s fat?

Anyways The Blob has no actual reason to join them, and is like “nah, I’m way better than all of you, I’ll just rule now that I know I’m superior to humans”, and takes over the carnival. He sends his men to the mansion to ransack it and take all of the X-Men’s technology that they appear to have?

The X-Men get trounced before Jean saves the day by psychically taking off her blindfold and cutting her restraints. But uh, she had to be TOLD to do that by Xavier. Alright. Xavier also uses some technology to enhance his mind powers and erase everyone’s memories, the end.

There was enough in this comic that annoyed me that I can’t really call it GOOD, but I’m seeing something form here.

The X-Men #4 - February 1964 6.5/10

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The one thing every single one of these comics has in common is that the X-Men are ALWAYS training in the danger room. We need to show them doing an obstacle course in every single issue. I’m already starting to gloss over it.

But this issue thankfully focuses mostly on the actual plot, and reintroduces Magneto. I haven’t mentioned it, but Magneto is one of my favorite villains of all time. I love a guy where I know why they’re doing what they’re doing and can understand and feel for them but still know I gotta stop em. Magneto is like that. Well, usually. Here he’s just kind of an asshole who believes he’s superior to everyone and thus must rule. We’ll get to the WW2 stuff eventually I guess.

We’re introduced to his group of lackies, and it’s KIND of funny how I can barely tell the difference between the groups. They’re both a guy at the top who they all show allegiance to, but when he’s not bossing them around they just fight each other and are petty as fuck.

We’ve got four lackies.

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Toad: His power set isn’t even really explained, he’s just a gross guy with a psychophantic personality. The Mastermind: He can produce illusions. He’s actually the one here I know the least. He’s kind of a self absorbed asshole. Scarlet Witch: Girl. Magneto saved her as a kid so she feels allegience. She’s shown to not want to do unneccesary harm, which is neat, anti-villains already. It’s weird that she’s green on the cover, she’s red in the comic. Quicksilver: Scarlet Witch’s brother, who’s only here because Scarlet Witch is. He is the least evil, and in the end secretly foils Magneto’s plans so that he doesn’t blow up an entire country of people.

It’s neat to have a cast of villains to counter as the foil to our heroes. Magneto’s plan is to take over a small South American nation, which he does easily using Mastermind’s powers creating a fake illusion army. The X-Men come in and try to stop him. The MVP here is probably Cyclops, with the Beast taking the idiot ball.

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In the end, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants flees, but Xavier is injured by an explosive trap that Beast almost sets off after not listening to stop. Basiclly, Xavier, the paraplegic, has to dive out of his wheelchair in front of Beast to block an explosion. I feel there were better ways to accomplish this. This ends up knocking out Xavier’s powers, which sets up something for the next issue, which is kinda neat I guess.

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Reading this comic and seeing this page in particular actually made me realize something. I said I had never read any comics like this before. That’s not actually true… There was one “super hero” comic I read religiously as a kid. And that’s the Sonic Archie comics, which were VERY inspired by this. God, I remember so many of those fucking comics where they did this EXACT thing, showing a guy and then some floating heads above him talking about him. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ken Penders was DIRECTLY inspired by this while making his dumbass Knuckles comics. I know he was a big comic head, at least.

The X-Men #4 - May 1964 5/10

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I love how every Stan Lee comic starts like this.

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YOU LOVED THE LAST ISSUE. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

Xavier is now useless, so the X-men are kind of despondant without him. Jean’s parents come to visit which doesn’t really go anywhere, they just think its a normal school, but it’s an opportunity to accidentally lock Cyclops in the Danger Room so he has to do some actiony scenes. Every SINGLE issue something like this happens. Them pretending to be normal also means we see everyone’s outlook on being Mutants again. Cyclops is still all sad about being able to accidentally kill people, and the Beast says he’d much rather just be a normal honors student. The others are happy enough with their arrangements.

The Brotherhood is back already and is actively hunting for the X-Men. They’re hiding out on an asteroid orbiting Earth, which is wild.

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I haven’t mentioned it yet, but every single picture of Magneto in these comics has him look like this. He’s gormless as hell. Bro has no gorm.

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Anyways, plot happens. They see a trackmeet on TV and watch a guy who’s a mutant rile up a mob by being better than everyone else. I bet he’d be beloved if his name was Michael Phelps. This is the first time the comics REALLY dwell upon the idea that Humans hate Mutants. Magneto has been drilling it into everyone’s heads, but they have friends in Washington and adoring mobs of fangirls in issue 2, so this is the firest time it’s really a THING.

Anyways, turns out it’s actually Toad leading them into a trap. The Brotherhood kidnaps Angel (after saying they’ve never defeated Magneto without Xavier’s help, despite that basically being the case in the first issue), and try to get him to tell them where the mansion is.

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Scarlet Witch’s job is to be a snivelling weak girl who doesn’t WANT to be evil but can’t say no to the big bad guy. She eventually DOES break some controls so that Magneto can’t throw the X-Men out an airlock once they show up, but nothing really comes of that. He tries to kill her, Quicksilver stands up to him and fights back, but then just goes along with Magneto when he escapes, cause I guess Magneto has a short attention span.

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The X-Men save the day after Cyclops almost burns up in the atmosphere, and Magneto limps off for who knows where. And it turns out Xavier was just PRETENDING to have lost his powers! He was TESTING them! Wow! What an asshole!

This one was fine, mostly kind of boring and samey. Bit of a rehash already.

Anyways, that’s five comics so far, kind of, so I’mma take a break for today.