LizstarTrek - Discovery Season 5 episodes 6 - 10

Every Sunday my Twitch subs and I watch Star Trek in my Discord. Here are my reviews and thoughts on each of the episodes as I see it. If you’re curious about a nerd’s views on Star Trek episodes, please read on, I go quite in depth with some of these episodes! I’ve watched some Star Trek before but not all of it!

I know literally nothing about Discovery, except for The Burn, and that it leads into Strange New Worlds. So uh… I’ve been dreading this one. But hey, who knows! Maybe it’ll surprise me!!

It has not so far. Y’all ready to see Michael save the universe again??? ….I am so insanely checked out of this it’s not even funny.

Whistlespeak - DIS 3/10

This looks like a 1999 point and click adventure game background

Anyways, they are having trouble figuring out the next clue. Michael gets snippy and insubordinate with Cronenberg. Meanwhile, Dr. Culber invents using the brain scans of dead loved ones to create holograms for therapy sessions. DR. CULBER INVENTED DEAD PEOPLE LLMS FOR THERAPY. I HATE THIS.

“Maybe try scanning every culture in the database for ones that put an emphasis on the importance of water” YOU MEAN ALL OF THEM?

They finally find a culture that seems to fit their clue so they go down to a planet with sme people who speak in “Whistlespeak”, a long range form of vocalation. That’s kinda neat, I guess. Tilly and Michael beam down because Michael will be cold in the fucking grave before anyone does anything without her.

They meet up with some natives, one of whom appears sick. They are taken to a group who minister treatment, which is loud noise that overwhelms Michael and knocks her on her ass. They do become friends with the group though, and basically join in some race to meet the gods or something. I dunno, this is kinda cool. It’s a dangerous run though, I like non-offensive native cultures. Also Michael drops out of the race, so it’s up to Tilly to possibly win, which means maybe Tilly will get to do a thing!

Hot man alert. Say the line, Liz.

Tilly ends up befriending one of the other racers and helps her to cross the finish line. It’s cute, and a good moment. Aaaand then it turns out those who win the race will be killed to help “bring the rain” and “meet the gods”. Oh boy.

Meanwhile, back on Discovery, Adira is having a lot of anxiety cause they’re put on the bridge on an important mission and y’know, that shit’s scary. Poor Adira.

Tilly and her friend are locked in a big stone tower. Discovery can’t get a lock on them. Dude. Anyways Michael breaks the prime directive to get them to open the door. Just fucking whizzing that prime directive. She has NO qualms about this, it’s just bam, prime directive shattered. She fucking teleports in front of this guy.

“Are you a god?” “Yes” MICHAEL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PRIME DIRECTIVE IS AND WHY IT EXISTS?

WHY ARE YOU A STARFLEET CAPTAIN.

Who Watches the Watchers this is not…. But WHY do I dislike this so much compared to that episode? Cause it’s kinda similar. Is it just cause I’m so checked out? Cause I hate Michael so much?

Neli suggests it’s cause in Who Watches the Watchers, it’s Picard teaches them “well there are others, and we’re all just people, that’s fine, we all bleed”, where-as here it’s Michael going “you’re all primatives who can’t understand the real way the world works. Maybe eventually you won’t kill yourselves for no reason, idiots”.

Anyways they get the thing and go home whatever.

Erigah - DIS 1.5/10

The Federation captures Moll and L’ak and bring them into custody. Nhan is here again. Remember her? She’s uh, she’s here now again! Man they just write people out with tearful goodbyes then bring them back CONSTANTLY. If someone doesn’t fucking die, a goodbye means nothing.

She gets pissy at Book and he’s like “Come on man that was last season. I’m better now.” “YOU SET OFF A WEAPON THAT BROKE SPACETIME.” “Pobody’s nerfect!”

Someone sent the “Eto, bleh~” gif from that one anime and it broke chat for a minute after this.

Anyways the Breen find out they have two fugitives and are like “GIVE NOW”. They just… decide to ignore that for now, claiming that Discovery is too busy to bring them the fugitives right now.

We also learn more about the Breen. It’s uh… a little rough! “Genocide is their version of the prime directive”. What the hell dude. Also lots of DS9 references cause I mean, they’re a DS9 centric race. Apparently they haven’t been interracted with SINCE the Dominion War? They’re not THAT far away, y’all, it’s been like 700 years.

When the Breen DO show up, they try to slow them down with legislation. It doesn’t really work, they have one hour to comply or it’ll be an act of war. That thing up there is the Breen ship btw. Remember when we saw the giant Romulan ship, the D’deridex for the first time and it dwarfs the Constitution? Or the Borg Cube and it’s even larger than that? Yeah uh, it’s getting old. Also I dunno why exactly the Breen have huge-ass ships like this. They sure didn’t in DS9.

We get some Tragic Backstory for Rayner. He hates the Breen because apparently they ruled over Kellerun for a while. A lot of this is giving me the energy of that one TNG episode with the Cardassians and O’Brien, but I know this won’t be NEARLY as good.

They try to bluff the Breen into accepting a deal with them. It almost works, but then it turns out the guards they set to watch L’ak are FUCKING BAD and he kills himself in his cell. The resulting battle between Moll and everyone is fucking painful to watch, it just sso much and the camera is FLAILING.

lmfao “IF ANY HARM FALLS TO L’AK BY THE FEDERATION, WAR IS INEVITABLE.” “We swear he will not be harmed.” “Hey uh, Burnham, it’s Laan, I have some news for you”. IT’S ALMOST COMEDIC.

I should still REALLY be liking Moll but I do not. She’s a rebel without a cause. She’s antagonistic because she refuses to not be, and she could EASILLY work with us instead.

Oh good, we’re making sure she’s COMPLETELY irradeemable! She sides with THE FUCKING BREEN and tells them about the super weapon and says she’ll tell them how to get to it. I mean, tbf, she wouldn’t actually be able to get to the weapon, she doesn’t fucking know where it is and is like 3 clues behind.

God I cannot care about this. I guess at least we’re not at war.

Labyrinths - DIS 2/10

We are so annoyed with having to watch this that we are now watching at 125% speed. These episodes feel like they are a million years long.

Anyways, Moll is now allied with the Breen and says she’ll use the Progenitor’s weapon to bring L’ak back to life. YOU DON’T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT THE PROGENITOR’S THING DOES, NO ONE HAS SEEN IT IN 800 YEARS.

Meanwhile, Discovery makes it to the Badlands, which is apparently where the next clue is kept. Remember the Badlands from DS9? This is the successor season for DS9! I hate my life!

They’re visiting a library that’s just sitting in the middle of the Badlands. They have to fly through the Badlands, which in DS9 was dangerous but here it just almost makes Discovery explode. They have a library card that allows them to like, check out this weapon or whatever. Dude, I dunno.

I used to be a library. I should like big science fiction star trek library. It’s a giant tower of books, I built a place like this in Dwarf Fortress once. The archivists show them to a chamber linked to the library card, which just… has a book sitting in it. It’s just been there forever.

“It’s fun to have a book visit the library for a change!” the archivist says to Booker. That’s cute. She gives him a cutting of the Kweijan world tree, which he almsot cries at.

Michael touches a thing in the book and is locked in her own mind in a test. Everyone else now has to sit there and watch her lay on the ground knocked out. “Oh by the way if you fail this mission you will die. Sorry.” Wh-why? Why would they build it like this? “The creator of this wants you to succeed” SURE DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT.

The Breen can track discovery for some reason, so they now know where they are. The Library tells them to go the fuck away. This archive should have some dangerous guns on it tbh, they should be able to handle a Breen ship. But of course the Breen have to be super impossible to overcome.

Oh come on Michael. We don’t love you now.

“Me being too focused on my job is why I lost Book.” Um, no. You lost Book because he tried really hard to do genocide. I know, those two things are easy to mix up.

All her weird therapy session about her fears of death and her workaholic personality would be good, if it wasn’t all the correct thing for her to do at all points because she’s always been right always and is the perfect special boy. Anyways it turns out this is the correct thing, because “to handle what the progenitors left behind, you must be able to express your emotions like fear, guilt, and doubt”. SHE’S LITERALLY NEVER EXPRESSED THOSE IN ANY OTHER EPISODE OF THIS SERIES :D

Anyways they succeed in getting the thing and leave and the Breen just start attacking it. They demand that Michael hand over the map they got or they’ll destroy the archive. So Michael hands it over if they swear a blood oath, though she sets up a trick in case they blow her up to get away and pretend she’s been killed. They blow her up, and then decide to kill it anyways cause ha ha, they’re evil! Moll ends up just… killing the Breen leader instead. And all the Breen for some reason isntantly join under her banner.

I guess I liked the library in this one.

Lagrange Point - DIS 2/10

Hey, thats a fun Famicom game.

They gotta get to where the Precursor weapon is before the Breen do. Now that the previous Breen leader is dead lots of other Breen leaders are heading there to try and take his ship and soldiers under their banners. So now Discovery has to get there as soon as they can. They show up to two black holes and find a case floating in the lagrange point between them. Then the Breen instantly show up and just park right next to the black holes, because that ship is invincible until we need to blow it up later this season.

Moll nabs the progenitor’s box, and we need to steal that back, so Michael and gang sneak on board pretending to be Breen. This place is so fucking green. Waht is this, the Borg?

Michael has to do some fiddling while Book distracts a Breen guard. Book flirts with him. It’s actually a little funny. It took 5 seasons but we finally found banter that kind of works. Book just pulling out the Kris Special and flirting with someone he knows nothing about, and it somehow landing. “I will make a space for you in the oil bath” “Yo Michael hurry up this is getting weird”.

Saru has to go risk his life. He and his girlfriend hug. Hey, come on. Kira kissed Odo’s makeup-covered face and smeared it all over herself, go ham on this guy!

The sneaking plan fails so Discovery takes on this giant Breen ship and blows it up easily. ….Told you. Michael and Moll dive into the Precursor tech and disappear to who knows where.

Life, Itself - DIS 2/10

Here we are. The payoff. Everything we’ve ever worked towards is here at last. Also once again, important to note that all of this came about because they watched an okay episode of TNG and completely misunderstood the point of it.

Anyways Michael is in some weird dimension. She’s thrown around after touching some shit and lands in a rainy space. There are ALSO Breen in this space, and when they show up they just try to kill her for no reason. When Michael finally meets up with Moll, turns out the Breen are attacking her now too. Why? Wh-why???? She’s their leader last they knew. Moll and Michael team up.

Nevermind, Michael immediately turns on her and kicks her legs out. And then instead of stealing her gun, runs away????? We then get a VERY CGI fight scene.

Meanwhile on the Discovery, we get the conclusion to the Culber and Stamets storyline. Culber goes on a suicide mission so he can finish “trying to find what he’s looking for”, whatever that means. Culber and Stamets deserved better.

Michael and Moll team up…. AGAIN. “STAND DOWN, MOLL!” You’re the one that kicked her!!! Michael then solves the puzzle and techno babbles her way through the maze.

Moll betrays Michael this time. She listens to Michael to how to use the machine, then knocks her out and tries to revive her husband. She fails because she wasn’t listening and sets up the machine improperly. She has literally spent this entire season just ignoring everyone who’s trying to talk to her and help her. So, y’know, it fits. I do not like this character.

Saru comes back to be cool one last time and convince the Breen reinforcements to turn around and leave by having the best poker face. Well, at least Saru is still cool.

Michael wakes up, and fixes Moll’s stupid nonsense, solving the puzzle by herself and activating the mechanism properly. She then meets a Progenitor. I’d like to think the Progenitors are all women since we’re only met two. She’s like “Hi, I am a brain recording here to tell you how to operate this technology without killing anyone.”. She also says 2 things: 1) It can make a genetic clone but they have none of the personality of memories. We already have that, it’s called cloning. Then 2) The Progenitors did not actually make this technology, they just found it, and assume whoever made it made them. omfg.

If this wasn’t already a franchise with MULTIPLE godlike being established, this MIGHT be meaningful!

We get a 2001 Space Odyssey scene, with Michael deciding not to use the Life Device after seeing like, God or whatever. I honestly dunno. I don’t understand 2001, and that’s GOOD. Anyways, she goes back to Discovery, everything is calm and good now, and she’s like “We need to blow that thing up.” “But our orders are to bring it back for the Federation!” “Yeah well, they’ve always let me do whatever I want before with no reprucussions so this’ll be fine too.” “Makes sense to me.”

Moll is incarcerated, but Book is like “it should be fine, we can make sure you get a fair trial”. Ha ha, a LOT of people died because of her. Cronenberg is like “We’ll turn her into a secret agent it’s fine.”

SPEAKING of Cronenberg, we find out he’s under a codename. His real name is… Agent Daniels. YES. FOR REAL. THIS IS SO SLOPPILY REVEALED.

Saru gets married, which is cute. Still no kiss. Tilly decides she’s gonna start a mentorship program at Starfleet Acadamy. YOU DIDN’T HAVE ONE OF THOSE?! Aaaand Book and Michael get back together. Come on, he’s been doing SO MUCH BETTER after the whole genocide terrorism fiasco.

We then jump ahead into the future and see Old Michael. We then get a BIG extra long scene of Michael, Book, and their son. They live in a magical red forest with a magical deer neighbor. I love that deer tbh. And honestly I’d live in this house in a heartbeat. This is like, almost a magical christmas commercial… Finally, some real Raktajino.

Michael is an Admiral! We won’t see her get to that point, but she got there I guess. She and her son go and see The Discovery, which is being re-named “The Discovery A”. Why is this still going? She’s here to send the ship, and Zora, to the edge of space and have her sit there alone for as long as something will happen.

Why does this happen? So Calypso, the Short Trek episode, could happen. Yes. They really cared THIS HARD to make that accurate, and retconned it to make it happen in the 43rd century. So now to fix this they have Zora, completely sapient, just being sent to sit around for a thousand years for a reason they will never explain. We’ve already established that Zora is a life form. Why are we doing this? Also the future seen in Calypso is kinda dark and sucks. This blows.

Then we get scenes of the rest of the crew coming on board, and they’re all young again, so uh, it’s the end of the Titanic.

Off the Discovery goes, to the middle of nowhere. Goodbye. Maybe this is the fate it deserves.

….

……..

I hated this entire show and will never watch it again as long as I live. There was maybe one episode that’s a standout and that’s it. God damn.